[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode The Witch at buffyology.com.]
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
GILES is pacing back and forth, clearly upset.
This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult?
Pull back to reveal BUFFY in a cheerleading uniform.
You don't like the color?
Do you ignore everything I say as a rule?
No, I believe that's your trick.
Buffy skips in front of him and poses.
I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad.
You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it.
And you'll be stopping me how?
Well, I... by appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.
I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, okay? I just wanna have a life. I wanna do something normal. Something safe.
The camera moves through the dark room. There are flowers and herbs hanging upside down from the rafters and personal items with tags. The witch moves around in the darkness as the camera follows her to a cauldron. She waves a pendant hanging from a chain over the brew, then pulls it back. She moves to a rack and yanks off a doll hanging from its neck by a wire.
Cheerleader tryouts are about to start. Girls are stretching and practicing, doing back handsprings, cartwheels and handstands. Buffy, WILLOW and XANDER enter.
Giles didn't approve, huh?
He totally lost his water. We haven't seen a vampire in over a week. I'd say he should get a girlfriend if he wasn't so old.
Well, we're behind you.
People scoff at things like school spirit, but look at these girls giving their all like this!
He notices a girl, Amber, doing the splits between two chairs.
Oh, stretchy! Where was I?
You were pretending that seeing scantily clad girls in revealing postures was a spiritual experience.
Who said I was pretending? (to Buffy) Oh, hey! Here's a good luck thing for tryouts.
He nervously hands her a bracelet.
What's this?
What's that?
Oh, how sweet! (reading the inscription) 'Yours Always.'
It came that way. Really, they all said that.
CORDELIA approaches the group.
Just look at that Amber. Who does she think she is, a Laker Girl?
I heard she turned them down.
JOY, the cheerleading squad leader, steps up with her clipboard and calls for everyone's attention.
Okay, listen up! Let's begin with Amber Grove. If you're not auditioning, move off the floor.
Willow looks around and sees a girl she knows-- AMY MADISON-- pretty, long dark brown hair.
Amy, hi!
Amy sees Willow and makes her way over.
Hi!
I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader. You lost a lot of weight.
Had to.
Do you know Buffy?
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, how I hate this. Let me count the ways.
Amber begins her routine. It's obvious she is very athletic and has natural ability. She mesmerizes everyone with her leaping flips and cartwheels.
She trained with Benson. He's one of the best coaches money can buy.
They have cheerleading coaches?
Oh, yeah! Don't you have? I train with my mom, three hours in the morning, three at night.
Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.
Oh, I know it's hokey. But she's really great.
Cordelia turns away from Amber with a look of contempt on her face while Buffy and Xander watch Amber with amazement. Amy and Willow are impressed, too. As she continues to tumble and flip, Amber's hands begin to smoke.
What the...
That girl's on fire!
Cordelia, facing away, doesn't see what's happening.
Enough of the hyperbole!
Amber's hands burst into flame. She drops her pompoms and screams. Buffy reacts as Amber flails her hands in the air. Buffy jumps up onto the stands and pulls down a school spirit banner. She runs over to Amber, knocks her down and snuffs out the flames with the banner. Everyone stares in shock.
It's okay, it's okay, you're gonna be... okay. (to herself) God!
Opening credit sequence.
Buffy is pacing. Willow and Xander are sitting at the table.
I've been slaying vampires for more than a year now and I have seen some pretty cringe-worthy things, but... nobody's hands ever got toasted before.
I imagine not.
So this isn't a vampire problem?
No.
But it is funky, right? Not of the norm?
Quite. Spontaneous human combustion is rare and scientifically unexplainable, but there have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all that's left is a pile of ashes.
That's all that would have been left if it hadn't been for Buffy.
So we have no idea what caused this. That's a comfort.
But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to engage. (off their looks) Pardon me for finding the glass half full.
Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion?
Rage. In most cases the person who combusted was terribly angry or upset.
So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire. It's like the human torch, only it hurts.
I need to get the skinny on Amber. Find out if she's had any colorful episodes before.
That means hacking illegally into the school's computer system. At last, something I can do!
I'll ask around about her.
You guys don't have to get involved.
What d'ya mean? We're a team. Aren't we a team?
Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're like, the Slayerettes!
I just don't like putting you guys in danger.
Oh, I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Okay, just walk softly, at least until we know a little more. I mean, what if Amber isn't causing these problems herself?
Well, then we have to determine who or what did and deal with it accordingly.
There are several wooden boxes and crates. Joyce is trying to pry one open with a crowbar. Buffy enters.
Hey!
Hi, how was school?
Mm, a reverent joy. What's all this?
It's for the tribal art display.
Cool! (examining a piece) We had tryouts today.
Oh, great! How'd it go?
I didn't actually get to try out. There was an accident. Pretty fierce competition, though.
Oh, I know you'll do fine. Keep on pluggin'. Just have to get back on the horse.
Mom?
Yeah?
What was I trying out for?
Oh, uh... some activity? I have no idea, I'm sorry.
That's okay. Your platitudes are good for all occasions.
I'm distracted. I've got a lot of inventory to go through, here. This is my gallery's first major show. You know, it might not physically kill you to give me a hand here.
Ignoring the crowbar, Buffy grabs the lid of the crate and effortlessly tears it off.
It was cheerleading.
Oh good! I'm glad you're taking that up again. It'll keep you out of trouble.
I'm not in trouble.
No, not yet.
Buffy is hurt. Her mother looks up from her clipboard and notices Buffy's pained look.
I mean you stopped cheerleading just before the trouble, so it's good you're going back.
She goes back to the crate and lifts out a statue.
Oh, dear.
What?
The fertility statue-- you don't need to see it.
She replaces the crate's lid and goes back to her clipboard.
Y'know, there's this girl, Amy, and, um, she trains with her mom, like, three hours a day.
Uh-huh.
Sounds like her mom's pretty into it.
Sounds like her mom doesn't have a lot to do.
Joyce walks out of the kitchen with a piece of art. Buffy lifts the crate's lid a little bit and looks in.
Jeepers!
The next day. Tryouts have resumed.
Despite the terrible thing that happened yesterday we still have to pick new cheerleaders. If you make the team you'll find your names posted in the quad after lunch. Let's begin with group performance.
Why do my hands have to sweat when I get nervous?
Don't worry. You'll do great.
Five, six, seven, eight!
Sunnydale! Sunnydale! We never fail! We never fail! Jump and shoot! Swish and score! The other team is such a bore! Yeah!
The girls cartwheel in unison but Amy overcompensates and crashes into Cordelia. Cordelia yelps as she falls and then quickly gets up.
You saw that, right? That wasn't me! You saw that, right? Right?
Amy is admiring the trophies in the case with a look of longing. Buffy walks up next to her. Amy notices her, smiles and points to a picture in the case.
That's my mom!
No! (reading the inscription) Catherine Madison. Get down with your bad self!
Her nickname was 'Catherine the Great'. She took that team and made them tri-county champions. Y'know, no one's ever done that before or since. She and my dad were Homecoming King and Queen. They got married right after graduation.
That's kinda romantic.
Well, he was a big loser. Never made any money. Ran off with Miss Trailer Trash when I was twelve.
Okay, that part's less romantic. My folks split up, too.
Drag, huh? He left my mom with nothing. She put herself through cosmetology school. Bought me everything I ever wanted. And never once gained a single pound.
She sounds really great, Amy, but it doesn't mean that you need to lock step as far as this cheerleading thing.
She was the best. And I can't get my body to move like hers. I choked in there so bad!
No, Amy, you did fine.
I'm gonna get changed.
Wait! No...
Willow sees them and stops.
Hey, Amy! (to Buffy) Is she okay?
No she's wiggin' about her mom, big cheer queen back when.
Yeah, her mom's kinda...
...Nazi-like?
Heil. If she gains an ounce she padlocks the fridge and won't eat anything but broth.
So, mommy dearest is really Mommy Dearest?
There's a bitter streak. But Amy's nice. We used to hang in Junior High. When her mom would go on a broth kick Amy'd come over to my house and we'd stuff ourselves with brownies.
They start down the hall.
Hey, any word on Amber?
Nothing thrilling. Average student. Got detention once, for smoking. Regular smoking, with a cigarette, not, like, being smoky. All pretty normal.
So we just have to wait and we'll see what happens. Maybe nothing will.
Amy is alone at her locker. She hears a noise and turns to look. Nothing. The sound of the showers dripping. Amy closes her locker and starts to go, but is surprised by Cordelia.
I have a dream. It's me on the cheerleading squad, adored by every varsity male as far as the eye can see. We have to achieve our dreams, Amy. Otherwise we wither and die.
Look, I'm sorry about--
Shhh! If your supreme klutziness out there today takes me out of the running, you're gonna be so very beyond sorry. (smiles) Have a nice day.
Her mission accomplished, Cordelia turns and leaves before Amy can say anything. Amy leans against her locker, shaken.
Willow and Xander are walking.
I told Buffy about Amber.
Cool! Was she wearin' it? The bracelet, she was wearin' it right? Pretty much like we're goin' out.
Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it.
So I'm just a figure of fun. I should ask her out, right?
Willow is clearly not enthusiastic about this subject.
You won't know till you ask.
That's why you're so cool. You're like a guy. You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff!
This really hurts Willow, who would give anything for Xander to look at her the way he does Buffy, Cordelia or the other cheerleaders. But Xander is oblivious to her feelings for him.
Oh, great. I'm a guy.
Oh, hey, they're posting the list!
He runs off to check the list of names for the cheerleading squad.
The crowd in front of the bulletin board. Buffy and Amy are near the back. A girl runs away in tears after checking the list.
I can't take this.
Joy steps away from posting the list on the bulletin board. LISHANNE sees her name on the list.
Yes!
Xander moves behind Buffy and Amy.
Cover me, I'm goin' in.
He pushes his way through the crowd toward the list as Cordelia walks out of the crowd.
You're lucky!
I made it?
I made it.
Xander lurches back out of the crowd and gets hit on the way.
One of those girls hit me really hard! You should test for steroids. (to Buffy and Amy) Okay, not only did you make the team, but you, Miss Summers, are the first alternate, and Amy's number three.
Amy looks at Buffy, crushed, and leaves.
And what a better way to celebrate than with a romantic drive through--
Xander, alternates are the ones who didn't make the team. They only fill in if something happens to the ones who did.
Excuse me.
Buffy heads off after Amy.
For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
At least it's over. And you know what I think we should do about it? Brownie pigout, my house, after school.
It's just how many more hours a day can I practice, y'know. How much more can I do? This would never happen to my mother. Never.
She walks away. Buffy looks after her, worried.
Establishing.
The camera pans from the wall across a bunch of tagged personal items that have been taken from various people. Amy stirs a large cauldron.
Give me the power. Give me the dark.
She lifts another doll from the rack over the cauldron.
I call on you, the laughing gods. Let your blackness crawl beneath my skin.
She wraps Cordelia's scrunchie around the doll's head.
Accept thy sacrifice... of Cordelia. Feed on her.
She drops the doll into the brew.
Toast pops out of the toaster and Buffy removes a lightly-browned bagel. She takes it to the island in the middle of the kitchen for more preparation. Her mother comes in.
Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. Oh, look! There I am.
She puts the book down on the island and goes to get a cup of coffee. Buffy looks at the picture.
Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
This is Gidgit hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
Well, it's really cool, but I gotta book.
Well, I was thinking. I know the cheerleading thing didn't work out. Maybe you should think about joining the yearbook staff. I did, it was a lot of fun.
Not really my trip, mom.
I was photo editor. I got to be on every page. Made me look much more popular than I was.
And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.
Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook!
Oh, this just in: I'm not you! I'm into my own thing.
Your own thing, whatever it is, got you kicked out of school and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you.
Buffy stares at her, stung. She takes her bag and leaves. Joyce backpedals as Buffy walks out.
Honey, um, great parenting form. Little shaky on the dismount.
Cordelia walks past Willow and Xander in a daze.
Cordelia, you haven't been mean to me all day. Is it something I've done? (to Willow) Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being?
I see that.
This is the invisible man syndrome. A blessing in Cordelia's case. A curse in Buffy's.
You're not invisible to Buffy.
It's worse! I'm just like a part of the scenery, like an old shoe. Or a rug that you walk on every day but don't even really see it.
The irony of this is not lost on Willow.
Like a pen that's all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not 'cause you like it so much, more 'cause you're just used to--
Will, yeah, that is the point, you don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike. I'm gonna take your advice and not beat around the bush.
This is not what Willow wants to hear.
Or I could be wrong! Maybe you should beat around the bush more.
Nah, I gotta be a man and ask her out, y'know? I gotta stop giving her ID bracelets, subtle innuendoes, taking Polaroids outside of her bedroom window late at night and that last part is a joke to relieve the tension because here she comes.
Buffy exits a classroom and walks toward them.
Okay, into battle I go. Would you ask her out for me?
Buffy sees Cordelia trying to work the combination on a locker. Xander pulls himself together.
No. Man. Me battle. (to Buffy) Buffy! Would you like to--
Is that even Cordelia's locker?
Cordelia gives up trying to open the locker and mindlessly continues down the hall.
Huh? Oh, I don't know. What I'm saying is accompany me Friday night--
Xander, I have to-- we can make this up later. You don't mind do you?
She gives him her books and follows Cordelia. Xander mimics a bomb dropping from the sky. Willow looks at him with amusement and friendly disdain.
Buffy comes out of the building, looking around for Cordelia. Eventually, she spots her and starts to follow.
Mr. POLE, the Driver's Ed teacher, is waiting impatiently for Cordelia. He turns and sees her coming.
Nice of you to join us, Cordelia. We didn't keep you waiting or anything, did we? It's your turn to drive. Okay, people, let's buckle up.
I don't want to drive today, Mr. Pole.
You've flunked Driver's Ed twice already. Show me some moves or you'll be taking the bus to college.
He gets in the car and the other students follow suit; Cordelia gets in last. Buffy watches from behind a school bus.
Okay, check the brake. Check the mirror. Start the engine.
Cordelia turns the key and the engine starts.
Hello? Put the car in drive.
Cordelia struggles with the shifting lever but eventually shifts into gear.
Let's move forward through the cones with a gentle even turn to the--
The car shoots backward, crashing into a bunch of road signs. Cordelia shifts it into drive and the car races forward, burning rubber.
Slow down. Slow, slow, turn right! Turn right!
Cordelia loses control as the car races along the course, knocking down cones and signs. Buffy begins running after them.
Brakes! Brakes!
The car crashes through the fence, out onto the street where it comes to a sudden halt. Another car just manages to swerve around them, barely missing the car full of kids.
Everybody out!
They all tumble out of the car. Cordelia is in a daze and she walks into the middle of the street. A delivery van is coming the other way, but it doesn't slow down.
Buffy sees the danger and sprints across the parking lot, closing the distance. Cordelia turns to see the van coming and screams just as Buffy leaps over the Driver's Ed car, tackling Cordelia, knocking her forward and out of the van's way. The van slams into the open door of the teaching car as Buffy and Cordelia roll to a stop on the other side of the road.
Oh, my God, I, I can't see anything!
It's okay, it's... (sees Cordelia's eyes) Oh God!
What's happening? I can't see anything!
Cordelia's irises and pupils have disappeared-- her eyes are completely white.
The team is sitting at the reading table.
Witchcraft. Blinding your enemy to disorient and disable them-- it's classic!
First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.
Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
And setting Amber ablaze?
Yeah, those guys don't hang...
They're both cheerleaders.
Someone doesn't like cheerleading.
Or likes it too much.
WILLOW and BUFFY
Amy!
So, you guys are leaning toward Amy?
She's desperate to get on that team, and I've got this feeling she'd do just about anything to make her mom's dream come true.
Let me make sure I have this right. This witch is casting horrible and disfiguring spells so that she can become a cheerleader?
I think you're underestimating the amount of pressure a parent can lay on you. If you're not a picture perfect carbon copy they tend to wig.
Cheerleading was kind of her mom's last hurrah.
Look, we still have to stop Amy. We should grab her and--
I think we should be sure she's the witch before we arouse her suspicions. She's capable of some fairly unpleasant things.
Okay, all right. So, you're in high school, you are desperate to make the team and please your mom, so you turn to witchcraft. What's the first thing you're gonna do?
Check out the books on witchcraft!
She and Buffy start the computer up and access the on-line library card catalog.
No, that would be the last thing you would do! You don't wanna leave a paper trail. Forget that!
It'll just take a minute.
Xander gets up and stands behind them.
We don't have a minute! Cheerleaders are in danger. Buffy's in danger. (to Buffy) You were the first alternate, you are on the team now that Cordelia's out. You could be next. We gotta get you to a safe house.
Xander...
Yeah.
Witches: Historic Roots to Modern Practice. Checked out by Alexander Harris.
The Pagan Rites, checked out by Alexander--
All right, all right. It's not what you think.
You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?
Oh, well, uh, I guess it is what you think.
Have you all quite finished? We have to find a conclusive test. There may be something in here... (paging through a book) Yes, this should do it. You'll need some of her hair, a little quicksilver and some aquafortis.
Well, that's just mercury and nitric acid. You can get that in the science lab.
'Heat ingredients and apply to witch and if a spell has been cast in the previous 48 hours, witch's skin turns blue.' Hmm. Oh, and you'll need some Eye of Newt.
The science teacher, Dr. GREGORY, holding a frog as reflected in a mirror propped up on a stick above him. It pans down to show him holding the frog up for the class to see.
Those of you in track one may begin your dissections now.
Xander is trying to take his frog's eye out with tweezers.
Those of you in track two, take your hydrochloric acid and your ammonium hydroxide and carefully pour them into your beakers.
He begins to pour. Xander is still struggling with the frog's eye.
Now slow, slow...
I can't.
Willow grabs the frog and takes out its eye.
...capping one, I'm being safe. And you get...
Willow drops the eye into the beaker.
Eye of Newt!
The ingredients in Dr. Gregory's beaker react and begin to bubble and smoke.
How's Buffy doing with the hair?
Buffy, Amy and Lishanne at another lab table.
Isn't this exciting!
Oh, yeah! (to Amy) Amy, help me. Which is the hydrochloric acid and which is the ammonium hydroxide?
Well, the bottle that says 'hydrochloric acid' is usually the hydrochloric acid.
Read the bottles. Good concept!
She laughs nervously and drops her pencil.
Oops.
She crouches down to pick up the pencil, reaches into Amy's bag and pulls some hair off of her brush. She sits up and pretends nothing happened and glances at Amy to gauge her reaction. Amy smiles back weakly.
Amy did notice but pretends she didn't. Buffy waves her pencil and smiles back then heads back to her lab table with an expression of relief at having avoided a close call. She places the hair on Willow's lab bench as she passes by. Willow mixes the hair into the concoction as Amy looks back at them to see what they're doing. Willow and Xander glance at her nervously.
Wave 'hi' to the nice little witch.
Amy hears him and gives them both another furtive look. Willow takes the beaker and pours some of the liquid into a test-tube.
All set. (handing the tube to Buffy) Do you have a plan?
Spill it on her. Try and make it look natural.
We're right behind you, only further back.
Buffy slowly approaches Amy.
Lishanne, can you tell me why these chemicals have this reaction?
Buffy pretends to stumble, pouring some of the mixture onto Amy's arm. The liquid turns blue immediately upon contact.
Lishanne?
Amy apparently doesn't notice the spill. She's looking over at Lishanne.
Are you... oh, my God!
Buffy also looks over at Lishanne and sees her shaking her head violently. She turns toward the camera and we see that she no longer has a mouth. Buffy stares in amazement. She looks back at Amy, who looks amazed too.
Buffy, Willow and Xander are discussing the result of their experiment.
Did you see? Amy was as freaked out as the rest of us.
So it's not her?
The test was positive. She's our Sabrina. I just don't think she realizes what she's doing.
Well, should we talk to her?
Maybe we should talk to her mother. I wonder if she knows what she's created.
Amy strides through the gate with determination. She enters the house and searches for her mother.
Where are you?
CATHERINE MADISON, Amy's mother. She quickly turns off the TV and gets up.
Another productive day in front of the TV?
Catherine just stares back.
I've got a history report due tomorrow. Write it!
Still no response from Catherine. She stands there, mute.
I should be on that team by now. But instead Miss Buffy and friends are sneaking around stealing bits of my hair.
Catherine shakes her head. Amy opens her hand and out drops Buffy's bracelet.
I'll be upstairs.
Catherine just stands there and watches her go.
Buffy is still sleeping. The alarm clock goes off and she slaps it with her hand. In her half-waking state, she let's her strength get away from her and she hits the clock hard enough to smash it to pieces.
Oh! Oops! Oh...
Joyce is making fresh-squeezed orange juice. Buffy comes dancing in, singing and wearing her cheerleader outfit.
Macho, macho, man! I want to be a macho man. Macho... oh, hey, juice! (grabbing the glass and drinking deeply) Mmm... quality juice. Not from concentrate!
You're in a good mood.
I am! I'm on the squad, which is great, 'cause I feel like cheering and leading others to cheer. Oh, hey, juice!
Buffy takes a second glass and drains it.
Listen, honey, about yesterday, I really--
That is totally yester. Besides, it's not like you were wrong, y'know. I did get kicked outta school. I'm just wacky that way!
Still, I just want you to know that, despite the problems you've had, I really--
Mom, you just don't get it. And believe me, you don't want it. Y'know, there are just some things about being a Vampire Slayer that the older generation--
A what?
It's a... long story.
Buffy, are you feeling well?
Buffy reacts defensively, out of all proportion to Joyce's inquiry.
What? Oh, I'm fine, y'know? What, like, I can't be in a good mood? Is it, like, a new house rule? Fine, y'know? It's just fine, fine, fine, 'cause... I'm a macho, macho man! I want to be a macho man! Macho, macho man! I want to be a macho man!
Buffy abruptly turns and exits, leaving Joyce standing, dumbfounded.
Cheerleading practice. Buffy is positioned next to Joy in the lineup.
Five, six, seven, eight!
The cheerleaders begin their routine, shaking and grinding to a techno-funk dance tune.
Turn up the music!
The routine continues until Buffy stomps on Joy's foot.
Ow! Get it together Buffy! We have a game in less than four hours.
Xander and Willow enter.
Willow! Xander! My buds are here! I love my buds! Hi! (off everyone's look) Oh...
She falls back in line and the routine continues.
Is it me, or is Buffy a bit looped?
Willow seems worried. The cheerleaders continue with a series of cartwheels.
We better get her outta there.
Yeah, before she...
Joy runs toward Buffy who is apparently supposed to boost her over the other girls in a somersault. Buffy, strangely oblivious to her strength as the Slayer, sends Joy's sailing over the formation and crashing into the gym wall 30 feet away.
...hurts someone.
Joy gets shakily to her feet, holding her ribs and limping as Buffy comes running over.
Did I do that?
You are so out of here!
Willow and Xander run up and grab Buffy by the arms.
It's not her fault!
She's on medication.
What?
Well, obviously not enough. Who's our next alternate? Amy, you just made cheerleader.
No, no, no. You don't want her, she's a wi--
Xander quickly clamps his hand firmly over Buffy's mouth.
A wise choice indeed!
He and Willow pull Buffy away, nodding and casting nervous smiles at Amy and Joy. Amy stares malevolently after them.
Willow and Xander are supporting Buffy between them as they walk down the hall.
She's a witchy!
Buffy...
I just got kicked off the team, didn't I?
I don't think it was your fault.
Hmm, I know you don't, that's 'cause you're my friend. You're my Xander-shaped friend! (leaning her head on his shoulder) Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?
We gotta to get her to a--
Let her speak!
I'll tell you! You're not like other boys at all.
Well...
You are totally, and completely one of the girls. (to Willow) I'm that comfy with him.
Willow breaks into a huge smile.
That's great.
Any other guy who'd give me a bracelet, they'd... wanna date me, and be like a...
She begins to stagger and sway on her feet.
Oh! I don't feel so good.
Buffy?
Buffy collapses into their arms, unconscious.
Buffy is lying prone in a chair with a wet cloth on her forehead. Willow supports her head and holds the cloth in place.
We've gotta get her to a hospital!
They can't help her. This is a bloodstone vengeance spell. Hits the body hard like a quart of alcohol and then it eradicates the immune system.
A vengeance spell, like she's trying to get even with Buffy?
'Cause she knows I know she's a witch.
The others she just wanted out of the running. You she intends to, um...
Kill?
How much time do we have?
Oh I'm sure...
Truth. Please.
Couple of hours... three at most.
Well, how do we reverse the spell?
Well I've been researching that and we can reverse all the spells if we can just lay our hands on Amy's spell book.
And if we can't get a hold of it?
Well, the other way is to cut the witch's head off.
Show of hands!
It's not Amy's fault. She only became a witch to survive her mother.
Look, I don't care why, I just care that you go on breathing.
Giles, where would she be casting these spells?
Oh, she needs a sacred space. A pentagram, a large pot...
Her home. Okay. Help me up. (she stands unsteadily) We'll just go to her house and we'll get her book.
Okay, we'll go with you.
No! You guys stay here and keep an eye on Amy.
And keep her away from the science lab. We'll need it to cast our counter-spells.
Giles' CitroÎn pulls up to Amy's house.
Catherine has a plate of brownies on her lap and she looks up at Giles' knock. She gets up and opens the door.
Who are you? Is there something wrong?
Mrs. Madison, we need to talk to you about your daughter.
I'm not allowed-- you'll have to come back later.
She tries to close the door, but Giles pushes his way in.
Excuse me!
What?
Buffy sways and grabs the wall for support. She shakes her head as if trying to clear it.
Are you all right?
He leads Buffy into the living room and sits her down on the sofa.
Your daughter is meddling with something very dangerous. Are you aware of that?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, I think you know only too well.
You've got to go. She's gonna be home soon, and you--
This girl is very sick. Now you will shut up and you will listen to me! Your daughter has access to some very powerful magicks and somehow your obsession with cheerleading has made--
I don't care about cheerleading! It's not my fault she's doing stuff.
Buffy sees the brownies on the coffee table and suddenly looks sharply up at Catherine.
As her mother you should assume some responsibility for her actions.
Well, you know, these kids today! I... She's out of her mind. Ever since dad-- her dad-- left I can't control her.
Buffy slowly stands up.
You're afraid of her?
Amy?
Catherine looks at Buffy and deflates as she's realizes the charade is over. Giles looks at Buffy, still puzzled.
Are you Amy?
I don't understand.
She switched. She switched your bodies, didn't she?
Catherine looks down, but says nothing. Giles finally catches up.
Good Lord!
She wanted to relive her glory days.
She said I was wasting my youth. So she took it!
The three of them are sitting on the couch, talking.
I didn't know anything about her powers. I mean, when dad was here they would fight and yell and he would... call her a witch and... I mean, I would, I just thought he meant... Oh, God, when he left I wanted to go with him. But she wouldn't even let me call. She went crazy. I mean, she'd lock herself upstairs for days and she was always coming down on me, telling me I didn't deserve to have it so easy, and that I didn't know how hard it was to be her. I guess she showed me, huh?
Amy, it's gonna be okay.
A few months ago, I woke up in her bed! I didn't know where I was, and then I looked in the mirror...
She locked herself upstairs?
Yes.
Where?
Giles breaks in the door and starts to look around. Catherine enters after him.
Don't! If she finds out I've been here, she'll kill me!
Giles walks around the cauldron to the rack with the hanging dolls. He sees two dolls bound together-- the source of the body-switching spell.
My God! I believe we can reverse your mother's spell. Well, all of them, in fact.
You could? Really, you could?
We need to find her books. There'd be specific volumes she'd need for this kind of casting.
He begins to the room. He finds a trunk and sweeps a collection of junk off the lid.
Collect those dolls and any other personal effects.
As he starts to open the trunk, a black cat, the witch's familiar, leaps out of the shadows, startling him.
Ah! Nice kitty... Let's see what you were guarding. (opening the trunk) Ah, yes! This is it.
Giles and Catherine come down the stairs and into the living room.
Did we find?
We found. Come on.
He helps Buffy up from the couch. She's gotten visibly weaker since we last saw her.
But where are you going?
We're going to school.
He realizes Buffy is too weak to walk and picks her up in his arms.
And you're coming with us.
The Sunnydale High basketball team bursts through the doors and onto the court. Slow pan across the court to the cheerleaders, stopping on Amy. Amy's clearly very happy to be there.
Xander and Willow in the stands, watching Amy.
Giles carries Buffy in and lays her down on a lab table, knocking everything off of it in the process.
I'm going to stop this. I promise.
Buffy looks weakly up at him and nods. He folds his coat and puts it under her head as a pillow. Her vision is blurred.
You just hang on.
Giles moves to the box of books and personal items Catherine has set on Dr. Gregory's bench and reaches in to get Amy's spell book.
How is she?
We only have a few minutes left.
The cheerleaders are in mid-cheer, the crowd clapping and laughing around them.
Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go! Six, seven, eight! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Sunnydale go! Go, Six, seven, eight!
Slow motion spot on Amy.
A slow pan across the crowd.
Amy with a smile on her face.
Catherine is cutting an eye from a frog.
Right! Here we go!
Buffy is weakening. Giles recites a spell as he mixes the potion.
The center is dark. Centrum est obscurus. The darkness breathes. Tenebrae respiratis. The listener hears. Hear me!
The cheerleaders are doing a counting chant. The camera focuses on Amy. She stops chanting and looks startled. Her vision flashes to what Catherine sees in the science lab: the book and the frog. Then she's back in the gym and takes up the count again, but is clearly worried.
Oh, it's... it's working!
Giles continues reading.
Unlock the gate. Let the darkness shine. Cover us with holy fear.
Catherine staggers back and covers her face.
Show me--
The lights go out in the classroom.
Several of the cheerleaders are lifting Amy. Once up she thrusts her fists into the air and gives the crowd a big smile. Her smile fades as she has another flash to the lab, where she glimpses Buffy. She comes back to the gym and begins to lose her balance. Xander and Willow watch nervously. The cheerleaders supporting Amy struggle for control, but they all collapse.
Amy, what's your problem?
Amy shoots her a icy look of hate. Joy is taken aback. Amy gets up, looks around and runs from the gym.
She's coming!
Amy violently slams opens a door. Willow stops her.
Amy!
Get out of my way!
Wait! I need to talk to you. I can help you.
Help me? With what?
Well, y'know, all your witchcraft! I know this really good cauldron.
Xander sneaks up behind Amy.
Do you actually ride a broom?
Amy spins around and extends her arm toward Xander, her hand clenched as if choking someone. Xander's hands go to his throat as Amy makes a fist and twists it. Xander collapses to the floor, choking.
Xander!
Amy spins back around and punches Willow hard in the face, knocking her to the floor, then starts running toward the lab.
Giles is holding up his arms and chanting.
Corsheth and Gilail. The gate is closed. Receive the dark. Release the unworthy. Take of mine energy and be sated!
He plunges his hands into the mixture he's concocted.
Amy bursts through another door and continues walking to the lab with a determined look on her face. She tries the door, but it's locked.
Giles takes his hands out of the brew. Catherine looks at the door as the knob rattles.
Be sated! Release the unworthy!
Amy finds a fire ax in a glass case. She breaks the glass with her fist and takes out the ax.
Buffy can't keep her eyes open; her head cants to one side, weakly.
Release!
Amy begins to chop down the door.
Release!
Amy reaches through the hole in the door and releases the latch. She marches in, ax in hand, straight toward Buffy.
RELEASE!
Amy raises the ax over her head. Suddenly, a flash of light whites out the room momentarily and Amy steps back confused, lowering the ax. Buffy sits up on the table, her strength and health fully restored.
Buffy?
Amy?
Then, with a scream, Catherine lunges at Buffy, tackling her and sending her crashing to the floor, knocking her out. Giles advances, holding his arm out and pointing.
You... you...
Catherine forces him backward with a glance and sends a table careening across the room, hitting him and knocking him out. Amy just stands there meekly watching, still holding the ax in both hands. Catherine confronts her.
You! You little brat!
Amy has had enough. Her resolve starts to firm and she raises the ax in her hands.
Mom, please!
The ax flies from Amy's hands with a flick of Catherine's wrist. It sails across the room and Catherine grabs it out of the air.
How dare you raise your hand to your mother? I gave you birth. I gave up my life so you could drag that worthless carcass around and call it living. You've never been anything but trouble. I'm going to put you where you can't make trouble again!
She slams the ax down, burying it in a tabletop. Buffy rises up behind Catherine.
Guess what?
Catherine turns to face her.
I feel better!
She punches Catherine, sending her flying through the air to land on a lab table. She quickly recovers and advances on Buffy.
That body was mine! Mine!
Oh, grow up!
Catherine shoots her arm toward Buffy and sends her flying into the wall. She slowly stands up, rubbing her neck. Catherine begins to cast a spell.
I shall look upon my enemy!
She looks up at Buffy, and her eyes have become pitch black pools.
I shall look upon her and the dark place will have her soul!
Buffy looks around, searching for a way to stop her. She sees a pole holding up the free end of a hinged mirror above her.
Corsheth, take her!
Buffy kicks the pole out from under the mirror and it swings down on its hinges. The energy from Catherine's spell leaps from her hands and is instantly reflected back by the mirror, hitting her full on. She is enveloped by mystical glowing energy and she screams in pain and terror. The energy twists around her and disappears with a roar, taking her with it.
Buffy surveys the scene. Amy is badly shaken. Giles is unconscious on the floor, but starting to come around.
Well, that was interesting.
Buffy gives him her hand and helps him up.
You guys okay?
I'm fine.
I assume that all the spells are reversed? It was my first casting, so I may have got it wrong.
You saved my life. You were a god!
Well, I didn't think you'd pull it off.
Suddenly Xander comes rushing in and grabs Amy tightly.
I got her! I got her! Cut her head off!
Xander, what are you doing?
Saving you?
Get your hands off of her.
But she's evil.
It wasn't exactly her.
I was my mom.
Xander cautiously releases her. Now Willow comes running in too, wielding a bat.
Where is she?
Hey Willow! It's cool.
It is?
Yeah, I took care of it.
The others just stare at him with bemused wonder.
Buffy scoops her smashed alarm clock into a wastebasket as her mother comes in.
I don't get it.
What?
I've been doing a lot of thinking about... where you're coming from, how to relate to you... and I've come to a very simple conclusion: I don't get it.
I'm inscrutable, huh?
You're sixteen. I think there's a, a biological imperative whereby I can't understand you because I'm not sixteen.
Do you ever wish you could be sixteen again?
Oh, that's a frightful notion. Go through all that again? Not even if it helped me understand you.
She smiles at her daughter and Buffy smiles back.
I love you, mom.
She jumps up and kisses her mom on the cheek then runs from the room.
I don't get it!
Buffy and Amy are walking together.
My dad is so impossible! He doesn't ever want me going anywhere. He wants to spend total quantity time together. And I'm, like, 'Dad, I can go out, it's perfectly safe!' But he's got all this guilt about leaving me with my mom. And he's being a total pain.
You're loving it.
Every single minute. This Saturday night he wants to stay in and make brownies. (beat) Well, the brownies were my idea.
Cordelia strolls up behind them.
Hey, I'm really sorry you guys got bumped back to alternate. (reconsiders) Hold it, wait... no I'm not!
Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms.
Oh, these grapes are sour!
Buffy and Amy stop at the trophy case while Cordelia continues on in a huff.
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you wanted to be on the squad.
Oh, hey, that's okay. Cheerleading's just a little too hairy for me these days.
That's for sure.
They go around to the front of the case and look at Catherine's picture.
Catherine the Great.
And there's been no sign of her?
That last spell... she said I'd never make trouble again. Wherever she is I don't think we'll have to worry.
Twisted.
They turn and go.
I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat.
Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring.
CU: Catherine's cheerleading trophy. The eyes are moving-- panicked-- and we can hear faint muffled noises coming from inside it.