[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Never Kill A Boy On The First Date at buffyology.com.]
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
BUFFY is furiously fighting a vampire, delivering a series of kicks, punches and jabs which would flatten a mortal man. Buffy punches him squarely in the midsection and follows up with a swinging punch to his face, sending him to the ground.
We haven't been properly introduced. (pulling out a stake) I'm Buffy... and you're history!
She plunges the stake into him as he gets up. He falls and bursts into ashes.
GILES pops up from behind a crypt.
Poor technique. Prioritizing, sub par. Execution was adequate but a bit too bloody for my taste.
Giles, don't mention it. It was my pleasure to make the world safe for humanity again.
I'm not saying that your methods are without merit, it's just that you're expending too much time and energy. It should simply be plunge, and move on. Plunge and... hello.
He bends over to pick up a ring from the ground with his pen.
Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their stuff. (off Giles' look) What is it?
I don't know.
But it bothers you.
Yes, well, I thought this vampire was just on a random kill, but it may be something else.
Something big?
Yes. I'd best consult my books.
The MASTER slams a book down on the podium, opens it and begins reading.
'And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into Hell.' As it is written, so shall it be. 'Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him and usher him to his immortal destiny.' (stops before one of the Brethren) As it is written, so shall it be. 'And one of the Brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate.' Oh, wait. (grabs one of the Brethren by the throat) That's not written anywhere.
He lifts the vampire off his feet.
The Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer! If you fail to bring him to me, if you allow that girl to stop you...
He throws the struggling vampire across the room and into a coffin.
Here endeth the lesson.
He slams the book shut and walks off.
Opening credit sequence.
Buffy sits on the reading table and studies the ring. Giles makes his way down to her from the stacks while leafing through a book.
That symbol on the ring... I believe it's the rune for fidelity, but it doesn't connect with any of the sects that I've studied.
What about this? (showing him the ring) On the inside. It's a sun and three stars. Haven't we seen that somewhere?
Let me see. No, I don't think this represents any--
Wait, it's right here. Sun and three stars. Yuck, check these guys out. Told you it looked familiar.
Oh, the Order of Aurelius. Yes, you're right.
Two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score!
A young Sunnydale sophomore, OWEN, walks into the library and approaches them. He's sandy-haired and good-looking-- the All-American kid. Buffy reacts accordingly.
Oh, Owen! Hi.
What do you want?
A book?
Oh, of course.
See, this is a school and we have students and they check out books and then they learn things.
I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
I lost my Emily Dickinson. It's dumb, but I like her around. Kind of a security blanket.
I have something like that. Well, it's an actual blanket. And I don't really carry it around anymore... So, Emily Dickens, huh? She's great!
Dickinson.
She's good also.
Poetry.
I didn't think I'd find you here.
Why not?
I didn't mean... I mean... I think you can read.
Thanks.
But you don't seem bookwormy, the type of person to lock themselves in a dark room with a lotta musty old books. Oh, and I've offended you.
No! No, I'm just surprised you gave any thought to what I'm like.
You shouldn't be.
Oh, well, I love books. I mean, I really love books.
Owen spies Giles' occult research book on the table and heads over to take a look.
What's this?
Buffy jumps between Owen and the book.
Not this one.
This one she doesn't love.
He walks around Buffy, takes Owen's book and heads to the checkout station.
Oh, Emily Dickinson.
We're both fans.
Yes she's quite a good poet, I mean for a...
A girl?
For an American.
I'll see you in math... if I open my eyes at some point.
Cool.
Owen leaves and Buffy stares after him, intrigued.
The Order of Aurelius is a very old and venerated sect. If they're here, it's for a good reason.
That was Owen!
Yes, I remember.
Do you have any more copies of Emily Dickinson? I need one.
Buffy, while the mere fact of you wanting to check out a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think we should focus on the problem at hand.
Right. I'm sorry, you're right. Vampires. (looks down at her dress) Does this outfit make me look fat?
Buffy and WILLOW are in the midst of the cafeteria lunch line.
Owen Thurman was talking to you?
It's all true.
Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He can brood for forty minutes straight. I've clocked him.
He was so nice. It was eerie.
What did you guys have to talk about?
Emily Dickinson.
He reads Emily Dickinson? He's sensitive, yet manly! Well, wait-- you've never even read her.
Buffy pulls out a book of poetry and sets it down for Willow.
You vixen!
XANDER sits down with them and holds up his fork, covered with something off his tray.
Has anybody given any thought to what this green stuff is?
Hmm, I'm avoiding the subject.
I think it's kale, or possibly string cheese. So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Xander!
I mean, how'd the laying go? (off Buffy's look) No, I don't mean that either.
It went fine, thank you. There's some new hoity-toity vampire sect in town.
That's bad.
Well, hey, they're bringing in the much needed tourist dollars. (sees Owen) Oh, look at Mr. Excitement.
Owen! He's all alone. Maybe somebody should sit with him.
Just to be polite! (as Buffy gets up) Good luck!
Okay, what just happened?
Buffy walks over to Owen's table. CORDELIA is approaching from a different direction.
Look, an empty seat!
She bumps Buffy out of the way, spilling the food off Buffy's tray. Owen jumps up to help her.
Let me get that.
Thanks. Boy, Cordelia's hips are wider than I thought!
Ha ha!
At least you don't have to eat your Soylent Green.
Owen, a bunch of us are loitering at the Bronze tonight. You there?
Who's all going?
Well, I'm gonna be there.
Who else?
You mean besides me?
Buffy, what about you?
What?
No, no. She doesn't like fun.
How about we meet there at eight?
Yeah! Eight! There!
Buffy dumps her empty tray on top of Cordelia's, smiling sweetly at her the whole time.
Buffy and Willow, walking.
It's not that big a deal. It's just a bunch of people getting together.
It's a very big deal!
It's not!
It is. (spots Giles) Tell her!
I'm afraid it's very big.
Thank you! (turns back to Giles, confused) Wait!
They follow Giles into the library.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
BUFFY & WILLOW
Boys!
Yes, well, I'm talking about trouble. A violent and disturbing prophecy is about to be fulfilled.
The Order of Aurelius.
You were spot on about the connection. I've looked at the writings of Aurelius himself, and he prophesied that the Brethren of his order would come to the Master and bring him the Anointed.
Who's that?
Well, I don't know exactly-- a warrior, but it says he will rise from the ashes of the Five on the evening of the thousandth day after the Advent of Septus...
Well, we'll be ready whenever it is.
...which is tonight.
Tonight, okay... (realizing the conflict) Not okay! It can't be tonight!
My calculations are precise.
They're bad calculations! Bad!
Buffy has a really important date.
Owen!
All right, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the 12th Century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire. But we have to stop him before he reaches the Master.
But... cute guy. Teenager. Post-pubescent fantasies.
Those will just have to be put on hold. The dark forces are aligning against us and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight we go into battle.
Giles and Buffy are sitting on a large gravestone. Buffy is clearly bored witless.
Perhaps I miscalculated.
I'm thinking yes.
Well, you know what they say: 90% of the vampire slaying game is waiting.
You couldn't have told me that 90% ago?
Well, we've certainly waited here long enough.
Besides, there aren't any fresh graves. Who's gonna rise?
Apparently no one tonight.
Then I can bail? I can go to the Bronze and find Owen?
Oh, very well then. Follow your hormones if you want. But I assume I don't have to warn you about the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone who's unaware of your unique condition.
Yeah, yeah, I read the back of the box.
If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm the Slayer, ask me how!' Good night.
'Five shall die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise.' I was sure it was tonight.
The passengers ride in silence. Focus on three in particular: a young boy, COLLIN, his mother and ANDREW BORBA.
I went on an airplane.
A pale horse emerged with Death as its rider. You will be judged. You will be judged.
Buffy enters and looks around for Owen. She sees him dancing with Cordelia and is crushed by the sight of them together.
Andrew is standing in the aisle.
That day's gonna bring fire. Fire comin' down! Judgment! (to Collin and his mother) Don't think you're ready-- ready to look upon him. If there's sin in there, there's sin all around. It's a liquid. On that day there won't be anybody tellin' us what to do or why we're doin' it. You can't prepare. On that day--
Hey, you gotta sit down, okay?
Are you willing to stand with the righteous?
Outside, one of the Brethren steps in front of the bus. Stunned, the driver hits the brakes and slams into the vampire. The bus begins to swerve, runs through a sign and hits a pole, where it shudders to a stop.
Is everyone okay?
The passengers look around cautiously at each other. They seem shaken but unhurt. The driver exits the bus to check on the victim.
Are you all right? (kneels down beside him) Can you move?
The vampire sits up and grabs him by the throat, choking him. Another vampire punches through a window in the bus, grabs Andrew by the throat, pulls him out and sinks his fangs into him. More vampires come out of the woods and swarm onto the bus amid shrieks and cried of fear.
She slams her locker shut and leans on it.
So you just went home?
What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, 'Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?'
Or flat tire?
I can't take this anymore. I feel like everyone is staring at me: the big, hideous, dateless monster. (to a passing student) What? Yeah, that's right. I have no life. C'mon, nothin' to see here, pal, move it along!
You're acting a little overly, aren't you? I mean, you could have any guy in school.
He's not any guy. He's more... Oweny.
Sure, he's got a certain Owenosity, but that's not hard to find. I mean, a lotta guys read. I can read.
Buffy looks up as Owen approaches.
Hey, Buffy!
Owen!
Oh, look, it's Owen. (off Buffy's look) Buffy and Owen. And Xander. That'd be me.
Where were you last night?
Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don't have any clocks in our house and so I didn't know what time it was or even what day it was...
I thought I was the only one that happened to. How 'bout we try it again for tonight? I'll even lend you my watch.
He hands her his gold pocket watch and chain. Xander looks at the watch in wide- eyed amazement. Buffy accepts it.
Tonight? You and me?
Xander looks at his Tweety wristwatch.
Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they start fights...
Oh, no, it's just... well, I... sort of heard that... you and Cordelia were... somewhat... all over each other. A little...
I danced with her a couple of times. (a look of distaste) She's kinda grabby.
Oh, well, let's see, if I rearrange that, and I push that to... sure! Tonight'll work.
Great! I'll pick you up at seven?
Seven!
That's when the little hand's (pointing to the watch face) there.
Oh! Between the six and the eight.
I'll see you then.
He turns and walk off.
Tonight! Isn't that so...
What?
Me and Owen!
She walks off in a daze.
Yeah, so it is. It sure is so.
He has a headache from researching and is just sitting down to have some tea. Buffy barges in.
Hey, how's it going?
Um, all right.
That's great! I see we're still working on that Anointed One problem. That'll probably take you a few days, right? I mean, that's one obscure prophecy...
Well, yes, there are a few interpretations--
So tonight's looking slow, right? Probably best to relax and regroup, no big disasters coming, that is so good. I will see you tomorrow, then! Bye!
She is the strangest girl...
His vampire followers are standing before him, in his sway.
You have done well. Everything is in place. When this night's work is done, I will have a mighty ally. I'll be one step closer to freeing myself from this... mystical prison. I've been trapped down here so long I've nearly forgotten what it's like on the surface. Well, there'll be time enough to remember... when I rule it! If she tries to stop you, kill her. Give your own lives, but do not fail to bring the Anointed. I know you won't disappoint me.
Buffy is wearing her bathrobe and Willow is deep in thought, helping her decide on an outfit. Xander stands off to the side, observing the process with amusement.
Pick!
Okay, (indicating the mini-dress Willow is holding) do I wanna appear shy, coy and naive or (Willow holds up the other) unrestrained, insatiable and aggressive?
Uh, y'know, Owen is a little home spun. He probably doesn't like that overly assertive look. (opening her closet) Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap! The ear flaps will bring out your eyes.
Buffy and Willow exchange a look of weary resignation.
Maybe I should mix and match. Okay, guy's opinion. (indicating two lipsticks) Which one do you think Owen will like better? The red or the peach?
Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then talks behind your back? The red's fine.
Thanks. I'll go with the peach.
Willow hands Buffy a third mini-dress.
Here, put this on.
Buffy and Willow look pointedly at Xander.
You're not bothering me!
Willow sighs and pushes him away.
So, where's he taking you?
Buffy begins taking off her robe and putting on her clothes.
Oh, I don't know. Where do you suppose young kids go on dates these days?
Xander goes over to her armoire and tries to angle the mirror inside her jewelry box so he can see Buffy undress.
Well, I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies.
Movies! Interesting!
And I saw on TV once, a bunch of people our age went to a party.
Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full of possibilities.
Xander fumbles with the box. Buffy and Willow look over at him as the doorbell rings.
That's Owen!
Buffy opens the door and her bright smile instantly fades.
That's Giles.
We need to talk.
Buffy's not home.
She tries to close the door, but Giles pushes into the house.
My calculations may not have been as far off as I thought.
He holds up a newspaper.
'Five Die in Van Accident'?
"Out of the ashes of five shall rise the One." That's the prophecy. Five people have died!
In a car crash.
I know it doesn't quite follow but it's worth investigating. Look! Among the dead was Andrew Borba, whom the police sought for questioning in a double murder. Now he may be the Anointed One. The bodies have been taken to Sunnydale Funeral Home. We can--
Giles, why do you want to hurt me?
I beg your pardon?
Owen enters through the open doorway.
Hey! (sees Giles) Uh, hi!
You have a date.
Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorrow.
Wait, you're not getting off that easily.
Man, you really care about your work!
Uh, Owen?
Yeah, a couple of things about tonight.
Willow and Xander lead Owen into the living room.
Another date? Don't you ever do anything else?
This is the first date! There's never been a date, okay? This is my maiden voyage!
What? She doesn't like to dance?
Well, it's a little too late to do anything about that. You should probably know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. Actually she doesn't like to be touched.
Xander...
As a matter of fact, don't even look at her.
We don't even know if this is anything.
No, we don't.
And I haven't had a day off in a while.
True...
And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer!
Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer... is problematic at best.
This is the 90's. The 1990's, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just want to go on a date.
Well, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead...
Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won't go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
Owen returns.
Is everything cool?
All set.
Yes, and you'll face a pretty hefty fine in the morning.
Well, bye. Don't wait up.
She leaves quickly with Owen before Giles can change his mind.
Is something going on?
Oh, probably not, no. I suppose I'll just go to the funeral home in case... just see if anything comes up.
Giles leaves as well.
This is bad.
I wish it was just bad.
We should... go along.
Yeah, you're right. I don't trust that Owen guy. It's the eyes. Crazy!
Xander, we should go with Giles! He could get in trouble.
Oh, he's gone... he's gonna be all right. He's like super- librarian, y'know? Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon.
Owen and Buffy are sitting at a table talking.
The thing I love about Emily Dickinson is she's just so incredibly morbid. A lot of loss, a lot of death... it gets me. With a lot about bees, for some reason.
Did she have a tragic and romantic life? With a lotta bees?
Quiet. Kind of sequestered and uneventful. Which I can really relate to. I... don't get out much.
I don't get that.
It's my fault. I just find most girls pretty frivolous. I mean, there's a lot more important things in life than dating, y'know? (Buffy looks down at her beeper) Oh, did I say something wrong?
Uh, no! Come on.
She takes Owen by the hand and leads him to the dance floor, where they dance close.
It's weird.
What is?
You! One minute you're right there. I've got you figured. The next, it's like you're two people.
Really? Which one do you like better?
I'll let you know.
Cordelia enters the Bronze with some of her friends. She immediately spots Buffy with Owen and walks toward them.
Aren't there laws against this sort of thing? Owen! Look at you, here all alone...
Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy.
Oh, okay. Do you wanna dance?
No, I'm still here with Buffy.
You are so good to help the needy.
Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now, and for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away.
Cordelia gives Buffy a withering look and turns to Owen.
Well, when you're ready for the big leagues, let me know.
She turns and heads back to her friends without so much as a glance back.
Giles drives up in his ancient Citroën. It's quiet. He gets out, slings his bag over his shoulder and starts around his car toward the building. The night is creepy, and he pauses for a look around. He continues toward the building, but stops short when he senses something. He looks around again to his right. Nothing. He turns back to find one of the Brethren looming over him. He starts to back away, but runs up against another from behind.
Damn!
Giles is caught between two of the Brethren of the Order of Aurelius. He pulls a cross from his bag and holds it up to them. They cower in fear and pain and Giles makes a dash for the building.
Giles looks around and runs to the flower room door and finds it locked. The Brethren enter the building after him, stalking him.
Buffy is slowly dancing with her head resting on Owen's shoulder.
Are you, uh, having fun?
Yeah. I almost feel like a girl.
They smile at each other and continue to dance.
Giles finds the door to the morgue unlocked and rushes in. He slams the door behind him and looks around wildly. Grabbing a filing cabinet, he tilts it and drags it over to block the door. The Brethren pound against the door, but it seems to hold-- for the moment. Giles looks around desperately for a way out. The windows are barred but he sees Willow and Xander through the bars.
Giles, it's us!
What are you doing here?
We saw two guys going in after you. Are they...
They are! Listen, you should get to safety.
Can you get out this window?
I'm afraid not.
Look, I hate to state the obvious, but this looks like a job for Buffy.
She has her... beeping thing! (looks around) No phone, of course.
Look, we'll get her, just hang in there.
Do hurry.
Owen and Buffy are standing by the stairs.
Do you want something to eat?
Sure. Just make it something fattening.
Cordelia is watching from the shadows by the door.
What a disgusting display. Is that really appropriate behavior in a public forum? I mean, I've never seen a girl throw herself at a guy like that.
The door opens and Angel strides in.
Oh! Hello, salty goodness! (to her friend) Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.
She starts to follow Angel, but stops when she sees him walk toward Buffy.
Buffy.
Angel.
Why is this happening to me?
I was hoping I'd find you here.
You were?
Some serious stuff happening tonight. You need to be out there.
No, not you, too...
What do you know?
Prophecy, Anointed One, yada, yada, yada...
So you know. Fine. I just thought I'd warn you.
Warn me? You see that guy over there at the bar? He came here to be with me.
You're here on a date?
Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone?
Owen returns and hands Buffy a plate of food.
Here you go.
Oh. Owen, this is Angel. Angel, this is Owen... who is my date.
Hey.
Hey! So, where do you know Buffy from?
Work.
You work?
Willow and Xander run up, out of breath.
Buffy!
Look at this! You show up everywhere. Interesting.
You don't know the half of it. (re: Angel) What's he doing here?
I guess it's the same thing you're doing here.
Excuse me! What are any of you doing here?
Look, we gotta get to, uh... (Willow kicks him) We thought it'd be fun if, uh, we made this a double date.
Willow and Xander put their arms around each other.
I didn't know you guys were seeing each other.
Oh, yeah, well, we knew it would happen eventually, so we figured, hey, why fight it?
And you guys are thinking double?
'Cause of... the fun!
And you're here because of work?
Hey, maybe we should all go somewhere together.
Gee, that's so nice of you to ask, but Owen and I were, well, sort of... Owen and I.
You know what'd be cool? The Sunnydale Funeral Home!
I've always wanted to go there!
The funeral home?
Actually, that sounds kinda cool. Do you think we could all sneak in?
We saw some guys in there before. They seemed to be (to Buffy) having fun!
Bite me!
She looks up at Angel. He shrugs.
(to Owen)
Owen, I gotta go.
I thought we were going to the funeral home.
No, you can't. I'll tell you what. I'll be back in a little while.
He takes Buffy aside.
Buffy... what's the deal? Do you wanna bail on me?
No... you remember when you said I was like two different people? Well, one of them has to go. But the other one is having a really, really good time, and will come back. I promise.
Owen just nods his head and watches her go. She comes back and lays an intense kiss on him. Then she leaves with Willow and Xander in tow.
She's the strangest girl...
Everything seems quiet. Buffy, Willow and Xander enter through the front door.
Which way?
The room's around back.
They move off to their left. Around the corner they hit a dead end.
Damn it!
Owen appears behind them.
This is so cool!
Owen! You can't be here.
Oh, and I suppose you guys are allowed? What are we doin' here? Are we gonna see a dead body?
Possibly several. (to Xander and Willow) Guys, watch him.
She turns and runs back the way they came.
Is she mad?
Oh, she just wants to make sure there're no guards so we don't get in trouble.
Good thinking.
Good thinking.
They head off after Buffy.
Buffy quietly walking down the hall, looking and listening. She finds the morgue door open and goes in. The place is a shambles.
Giles?
His bag is on the autopsy gurney. The window bars are torn open. She finds his cross. Suddenly one of the doors to a body storage drawer opens in front of her and slides out with a bang. Buffy jumps back, startled.
Giles!
It is you. Oh, good.
What happened?
Two more of the Brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them.
Meaning?
I hid. This chap was good enough to bunk with me until they went away.
He slides down off of a cadaver.
Well, were they here after you or was it that prophecy thing?
Ah, well, that's what we have to find out. I don't know what these Brethren mean to do exactly. Find the Anointed or give him something, perhaps. It's all very vague. And the Anointed may be long gone.
But he may not be.
We must find out.
Okay, I just need to get Owen and the others out of harm's way first.
Owen? You brought a date?
I didn't bring him. He came.
Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.
I know. I'll get rid of him.
You can't make him go out there alone, we don't know where the Brethren are. I'll just--
No! No, Giles, he sees you, he's gonna have more questions than he already does right now. I'll take care of it.
Buffy runs out into the hall and looks around for the others as they come around the corner and spot her.
Is everything okay?
It is.
And we'll be leaving?
We're not done lookin' around yet!
No, he's right. So let's find a nice, safe, fun room to look around in.
She takes Owen's hand and leads the group down the hall. They reach the office door.
We tried the office here, but it's locked.
Buffy twists the knob and the lock shatters with sharp crack.
No, it's not.
Well, I don't think we'll find much in here.
That's the plan.
Okay. (confused) What?
I have to go now... um, to the bathroom, I have to go to the bathroom. If you hear anything, like a security guard or something, just be really quiet. (to Willow and Xander) And barricade the door.
She goes out into the hall again and looks around on her way back to the morgue. Xander closes the office door.
Buffy and Giles start looking through the body drawers hoping to find the Anointed One.
Ewww, parts!
Keep looking, he must be here somewhere.
Willow and Xander start to pile furniture in front of the office door.
What are you guys doing?
Just in case!
Owen sees a curtain and draws it open. Behind the window he sees a body covered with a sheet.
Oh, my!
Willow and Xander turn around to look.
Buffy and Giles are still looking. There's only one storage cell left. Giles opens it quickly and Buffy pulls out the drawer. It's empty.
Nothing.
The Anointed must be gone.
I guess. I mean, this is where they keep all the dead bodies, right?
Yes.
Owen is looking at the body with fascination. Willow and Xander look worried.
I've read a lot about death, but... I've... never really seen a dead body before.
The body's hand twitches.
Do they... usually move?
The hand moves again. Willow and Xander approach to have a closer look. The hand reaches up and pulls the sheet off. Andrew Borba sits up and faces them, transformed into a vampire. He stands up, looks down at himself and flexes his hands. Then he looks back up at them.
I have been judged!
What's goin' on?
They back away from the window slowly. Andrew approaches and smashes it with his forehead.
Buffy and Giles hear the glass shatter.
Oh, no!
She runs out the door toward the office.
He is risen in me! He fills my head with song!
Owen, Willow and Xander frantically begin moving the furniture away from the door. Andrew steps through the shattered window frame.
Pork and beans. Pork and beans! I can smell you.
They clear the doorway. Willow opens the door and they run out. Andrew follows moving steadily, implacably.
You're the chaff, unblessed. I'll suck the blood from your hearts. He says I may!
Buffy meets up with them running down the hall.
He's in there!
Go! Get out!
She'll be okay. C'mon!
They continue running. Buffy can hear Andrew singing as he stalks down the hall toward her.
Shall we gather at the river? The beautiful, the beautiful river?
She decides to try to head him off another way. Xander, Willow and Owen find the exit, but the way is blocked by the Brethren. Willow screams as Xander pulls her around and behind him. Instead of attacking, the Brethren just close the gates. The hall is empty, but they can still hear Andrew singing.
I think he's coming this way!
They run and find themselves at the same dead end as when they first arrived at the funeral home.
Oh, God! This is too much!
Giles is still there, looking confused. Buffy rushes in.
What've you got?
What?
What'd you bring? Do you have a stake?
He digs in his bag and produces a stake.
Thank you.
What should I do?
Go outside and make sure the others are okay.
Andrew springs up behind Buffy, grabs her and throws her into a cabinet. She hits the floor unconscious and Giles rushes to her aid.
Buffy!
Owen, Willow and Xander are huddled in the hallway.
Somebody's gotta help Buffy!
Owen heads off in the direction of the morgue.
Owen!
Willow and Xander reluctantly follow.
Buffy is coming around, still lying on the floor. Andrew approaches Giles.
They told me about you while I was sleeping.
Giles holds up his cross and Andrew draws back hissing.
Why does he hurt me?
He slaps Giles' hand away and the cross goes flying. He grabs Giles and throws him into the crematory controls which cause the fires in the chamber to light. Giles falls unconscious and Andrew bends down to pick Buffy up just as Owen comes running in.
Buffy!
Andrew raises her above his head.
No!
He grabs a tray and swings it into Andrew's back, stunning him. His knees buckle and he lets go of Buffy. She staggers into an open body-drawer door and falls down unconscious. Andrew turns, grabs Owen by the neck and snarls as he moves in to bite. Owen struggles and his fingers curl around an urn on a nearby shelf and smashes it over Andrew's head. He falls, stunned and Owen runs over to help Buffy. She comes to again and tries to stand up.
Did you see that? He tried to bite me! (helping Buffy up) What a sissy!
Andrew gets back up, seizes Owen and smashes a body-drawer door into the back of his head, knocking him out.
No!
Dead! (lets Owen crumple to the floor) He was found wanting!
Buffy launches into him, kicking and punching furiously, slamming a gurney into Andrew with phenomenal force. Andrew withers under her onslaught.
You killed my date!
Willow and Xander appear at the door. Willow sees Owen shake his head and regain consciousness as Buffy and Andrew continue fighting.
Buffy! Owen's--
Just give her a sec!
Buffy is raining down blows on the vampire and he backs away, searching for a way out, a way to stop the pain.
You killed my date!
Giles regains consciousness as Andrew, hurt and furious, rounds on Buffy.
Your turn!
He lunges at Buffy, but she sidesteps and uses his forward momentum to launch him into the air. He lands on the gurney, sending it rolling toward the open crematory doors. The gurney stops when it hits, but Andrew flips off of it and through the open door. Giles kicks the gurney away and slams the crematory door shut, cutting off Andrew's dying screams. Buffy watches him burn through the small window. Then she notices Owen trying to sit up.
Does anyone have an aspirin? Or sixty?
Owen!
What happened to that guy?
Oh... we scared him away.
Oh, good. 'Cause, y'know, I would've--
I know. Here... (helps him up) I'm sure this isn't exactly what you had in mind for our first date.
Yeah, I was hoping maybe we'd finish at Ben & Jerry's.
We still could...
No, I think I'll just walk home. Which way's home?
I'll get you there.
No, I'll go it alone.
We'll make sure he gets home safely.
They lead Owen away. Buffy sadly watches them go, realizing her opportunity with Owen has passed.
Buffy, if I might--
Don't!
She turns and slowly walks away.
Buffy, Xander and Willow are walking along the balcony.
Well, did Owen say anything about me on the way home?
Oh, you mean specifically about you?
Or generally... in the area, in the ballpark... any sort of indication?
Well, in that case, no.
But he was pretty incoherent, so we might've missed it.
You think?
No.
I knew it. I totally blew it last night!
No, see, what you need is a guy who already knows your deepest, darkest secrets and still says, 'Hey! I like that girl!' Someone like--
Owen!
Well, this is our stop.
She walks away, dragging Xander with her.
Hi.
Hi. (long beat, awkward) This is going well.
I don't really know how to say this, but about last night...
You don't even have to. I'm sure you were pretty freaked out.
Totally. And... I was wondering when I could see you again.
That was my hopeful ear. Could you repeat that?
I think you're the coolest!
Really?
I mean, last night was incredible! I never thought nearly getting killed would make me feel so... alive!
So that's why you want to be with me?
Oh, absolutely! When can we do something like that again?
Something like...
Like walk downtown at three in the morning, and pick a fight in a bar. How about tonight?
Tonight would... be not a workable thing. Did I just say that?
Tomorrow, then. I'm free any night this week.
I'm not. Please don't take this personally. It's not you, it's me.
Right. It's you.
And I was kinda hoping that... maybe you and I could still be...
I get it. You just wanna be friends.
That'd be nice.
Friends. Yeah, great.
He turns and walks away, leaving Buffy standing there-- alone.
Yeah, great.
Giles walks up behind her. They both watch Owen leave. Buffy notices Giles and looks at him, but he's at a loss. She sits down on a bench and Giles follows suit.
I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. He was one, and his mother before him, and I was to be next.
Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
No, I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot... or possibly a grocer. My father gave me a very tiresome speech about responsibility and sacrifice.
Sacrifice, huh?
Seems like a nice lad.
Yeah. But he wants to be danger man. You, Xander, Willow, you guys... you guys know the score. You're careful. Two days in my world and Owen really would get himself killed. Or I'd get him killed. (looks meaningfully at Giles) Or someone else.
I went to the funeral home of my own free will.
And I should've been there.
Buffy...
I blew it!
I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions. But I don't have an instruction manual. We feel our way as we go along. And, I must say, as a Slayer, you're doing... pretty well.
Well. At least I did stop that prophecy thing from coming true.
You did! Handily. No more Anointed One. And I would imagine the Master, wherever he is, is having a fairly bad day himself.
They smile at each other and then get up and leave.
'And in this time will come the Anointed. And the Slayer will not know him. She will not stop him, and he will lead her into hell.'
He kneels down next to the small child, Collin, now a vampire.
Welcome, my friend.