[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Inca Mummy Girl at buffyology.com.]
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
BUFFY, WILLOW and XANDER are walking past the rose gardens toward the building.
This is so unfair.
I don't think it's that bad.
It's the über-suck. Mom could've at least warned me.
Well, a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of this whole cultural exchange magilla. The exhibit, the dance...
I have the best costume for the dance!
A complete stranger in my house for two weeks. I'm gonna be insane! A danger to myself and others within three days, I swear.
I think the exchange student program's cool. (off Buffy's look) I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures.
Have you ever done an exchange program?
My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count?
They climb the steps to the building entrance and the cultural exchange exhibit.
CORDELIA and two other girls are looking over the pictures of the exchange students.
Oh! There's mine! Sven. Isn't he lunchable? Mine's definitely the best.
She walks past Buffy.
What're you lookin' at?
Pictures of our exchange students. Look. 100% Swedish, 100% gorgeous, 100% staying at my house! So, how's yours? Visually, I mean.
I don't know. Guy-like?
By guy-like we are talking big, beefy, guy-like-girl, right?
I was just told 'guy'.
You didn't look at him first? He could be dogly. You live on the edge.
She heads off the catch up with her friends.
Hold on a sec. So this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man? With man parts? This is a terrible idea.
What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?
There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself.
They stop at the end of a row of display cases and Buffy notices RODNEY scraping at one of the masks in the exhibit display.
What's he doing?
That's Rodney Munson. He's God's gift to the bell curve.
Another student walks up to Rodney, says something and gets growled at for their trouble.
What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts.
You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
Buffy giggles to herself.
Yeah. I'm irrational that way.
I better stop him before he gets in trouble.
I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here.
Willow heads off to intercept Rodney.
I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. (to Xander) Do I?
The important thing is you believe that.
Rodney. He's still scraping the mask.
What're you... (looks up) Oh. Willow, hi.
That's probably not something you're supposed to be doing. You could get in trouble.
Oh, no. And they might kick me outta school?
Are we still on for our Chem tutorial tomorrow?
Yeah. I think I got almost all fourteen natural elements memorized.
There're a hundred and three.
Rodney looks stricken.
The Museum GUIDE. He's gesturing for the students' attention.
Welcome, students. We shall now proceed into the Incan burial chamber. The human sacrifice is about to begin.
The student group proceeds inside.
Typical museum trick. Promise human sacrifice, deliver old pots and pans.
Five hundred years ago, the Incan people chose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess.
They take the steps up to a platform where the Incan sarcophagus and mummy are on display.
I hope this story ends with, 'And she lived happily ever after.'
Xander looks into the sarcophagus.
No, I think it ends with, 'And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.'
The Incan people sacrificed their princess to the mountain god Sebancaya, an offering buried alive for eternity in this dark tomb.
They could've at least wrapped her in those nice white bandages, like in the movies?
The princess remained there protected only by a cursed seal placed there as a warning to any who would wake her.
The Guide points to a golden plate in the mummy's hands. Cordelia and a few other girls are still looking at the exchange student pictures and laughing.
So, Buffy, when's exchange-o boy making his appearance?
His name's Ampata. Gonna be at the bus station tomorrow night.
Oh, the Sunnydale bus depot. Classy! What better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine?
Now, if you'll follow me this way, please.
They all walk past the sarcophagus and follow the guide to the next destination on the tour.
Later. The exhibit is deserted now except for Rodney, who cautiously looks around and makes his way back up to the mummy. He looks into the stone sarcophagus and sees the plate with the seal.
Ah. Cool.
He reaches in and yanks at the plate, trying to wrest it from the mummy's grip. He works it free of one hand, then gives a good pull, tearing it free, but it breaks against the side of the sarcophagus.
Oh! Damn!
As he reaches in to collect the pieces, the mummy's arms shoot up and seize him by the neck. Its eyelids open to reveal empty sockets as it pulls him in closer.
Opening credit sequence.
Buffy and GILES are training. Xander is studying at the table.
So can I go?
I think not.
Buffy lands four hard hits on the training pad Giles is holding. He flinches at her blows and after she's done puts the pad down in favor of a much thicker one.
How come?
Because you are the Chosen One.
Just this once I'd like to be the Overlooked One.
Well, I'm afraid that is not--
Buffy kicks the pad hard, causing Giles stagger back a few steps.
You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bitty blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
It's as if you know me.
Buffy continues kicking and Xander winces as she lands each blow.
Your secret identity is going to be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you.
Xander interposes himself between them.
Not with her. In the same house as her. Am I the only one who's objective enough to make that distinction?
So! I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep that secret. Giles, come on, budge! No one likes a non-budger.
Giles says nothing, but merely indicates she should continue her workout. She steps back and comes at him with a kick that Giles' recognizes, pad or no pad, will be considerably painful.
Fine!
Buffy stops her kick at the last instant.
Go.
Yay! I win.
I'll just go and introduce my shoulder to an icepack.
So I guess we're dance-bound. Cool. I think I can get my mom's car, so I'm wheel man.
I thought you were taking Willow.
Well, yeah, I'm gonna take Willow, but I'm not gonna take Willow. In the sense of 'take me'. See, with you we're three and everybody's safe. Without you, we're two.
Ah, and we enter dateville. Romance, flowers...
Lips.
Willow enters the library but Xander doesn't notice. Buffy pretends not to either.
Oh, come on. In all the years you've known Willow, you've never thought about her lips?
Buffy, I love Willow.
Willow smiles widely.
And she's my best friend. Which makes her not the kind of girl who I think about her lips that much.
Willow's smile fades to disappointment.
She's the kind of girl that... I'm best friends with.
Hey, guys.
Willow! Hi! We were just talkin' about happy things.
He puts his arm around her and pulls her over to Buffy at the table.
Like the three of us going to the dance together. See? (laughs) Happy!
Willow isn't smiling.
Not happy.
No. Yes. No. Rodney's missing.
Giles comes out of his office with an ice pack.
Trouble with Mr. Munson again?
His parents say he never came home last night.
Y'know, I don't think I remember seeing Rodney on the bus back from the field trip.
I didn't either. I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum.
Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy.
Right, and it rose from its tomb.
And attacked him.
Their smiles fade as they all realize that this may be exactly what happened.
The group comes walking into the Inca Chamber.
On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
For twenty-one hours?
It's addictive, you know.
We'll deal with that when we've... ruled out evil curses.
They climb the steps to the platform where the sarcophagus is on display.
One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.
There was a seal?
Buffy steps up to the sarcophagus and looks in.
It was right here. And it's broken.
Does that mean the mummy's loose?
No, comfy as ever.
Look at this series of pictograms.
Suddenly, a man comes out of nowhere and yells, jumps up behind Xander and swings at him with a knife. Xander ducks the blow and gets behind him. The man swings back the other way again blindly, looks into the sarcophagus and is surprised by what he sees there. Xander jumps onto the man's back. He knocks Xander off and runs off of the platform, disappearing into the dark reaches of the museum.
Okay, I just saved us, right?
Something did.
Well, we'll fret about the details later. Let's just get out of here before he comes back.
They all hurry down the steps to leave except Willow. Something about the mummy has captured her attention.
Giles, were the Incas very advanced?
Yes, yes, very.
Did they have orthodontists?
The mummy: there are metal braces on its teeth.
They all file in and take their usual places.
Rodney looked like he had been dead for five hundred years. How could that be?
Maybe we should ask that crazy man with the big old knife.
I don't think he seemed overly chatty.
The way he bolted when he saw Rodney, I'd say he was as freaked as we were.
My resources on this subject are extremely limited. I gather that this particular mummy was from the Sebancaya region of eastern Peru. It's very remote. Now, if there's an answer, then it's locked in the--
--in the seal.
It's going to take me weeks to translate these pictograms. Well, we'll start tonight with--
Ampata!
I was going to suggest hunting.
No, I'm late. I told my mom I'd pick him up.
Uh-uh-uh, Buffy? Where are your priorities? Tracking down a mummifying killer or making time for some Latin lover whose stock in trade is the breakage of hearts?
Ampata's there alone. And I don't know how good his English is. He's here from... South America. Hey, y'know, maybe he could translate the seal.
Oh, yeah. Fall for the old 'let me translate that ancient seal for ya' come-on. D'ya know how many times I've used that?
AMPATA is standing there alone waiting and looking around for his ride. He hears a whisper.
Ampata...
He starts walking in the direction of the voice, passing several parked busses. He hears the voice again, louder this time.
Ampata...
He walks between two busses, looking around for whoever is calling him.
Hello?
He sees the mummy come toward him, and is surprised and frightened but doesn't scream or yell. The mummy reaches out, grabs him by the neck and kisses him deeply. Ampata begins to shrink and desiccate before our eyes as the mummy draws off his life force.
Later. Buffy, Willow and Xander arrive at the bus station and look around for their charge.
Forty minutes late. Welcome to America!
What if he left already?
Willow finds the door to the bus terminal locked.
Ampata? Ampata Gutierrez?
So do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides Doritos and Chihuahua.
Ampata?
Here!
The mummy appears but does not look remotely mummy-like anymore. By drawing off the boys' life force, she has rejuvenated herself and is now a beautiful teenage girl.
Hello.
Xander is instantly taken with her beauty.
I am Ampata.
Ay caramba! I can also say that!
Buffy and Willow are surprised to see that Ampata is a girl instead of the boy they were expecting. Willow can't help but notice Xander's reaction.
Buffy is showing Ampata around the house.
Dining room...
They move into the kitchen from the dining room.
And this is the kitchen.
It's very good!
Yeah, you got your stove, your fridge... it's fully functional. We're very into it.
Would you like a drink?
Let's see, we've got milk, and-- uh-oh-- older milk... juice?
Please.
So Ampata... you're a girl.
Yes. For many years now.
And not a boy, 'cause we thought a boy was coming and here ya are in a girl way!
It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will.
So have you ever been to America before?
I have toured.
Where did you go?
Buffy gives Willow a look and goes to get something to munch on as Willow pours the juice.
I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York.
New York! That's exciting. What was that like?
I did not see so much.
Your English is... very bueno.
I listened much.
Well, that works out well, because I talk much.
Ampata sits down on her bed, surprised at the springiness of it.
Hey, sorry about the teeniness of the room.
My old one was much smaller.
What's it like back home?
Cramped and... very dead.
Well, you'll feel right at home in Sunnydale.
Oh, no! But... but you have so much here!
How about friends?
They are... It is just me.
I've been there. But, hey! You'll meet lots of people tomorrow.
Thank you. You must teach me everything about your life. I want to fit in, Buffy. Just like you. A normal life.
One normal life. Comin' up.
The crazy man from the museum is hidden in the bushes, looking at them through the window.
Cordelia and DEVON come down the stairs to OZ's van. Devon and Oz are members of a local rock band called Dingoes Ate My Baby, made up of Sunnydale High students. Oz is quiet, withdrawn and laconic, expressing himself with an amazing economy of words. He also sports a short, spiky haircut which changes color almost daily.
Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight, but I am not one of your little groupies. I won't be all doe-eyed looking up at you, standing at the edge of the stage.
Got it.
So, I'll see you afterwards?
Sure. Where do you want to meet?
I'll be standing at the edge of the stage.
With that guy?
Devon looks over at a tall, blonde student standing nearby. Cordelia follows his gaze and recognizes SVEN, her exchange student, and motions to him.
Sven! Momento! Needa! (to Devon) This whole student exchange thing has been a horrible nightmare. They don't even speak American. So, I'll see you later? (she allows him a kiss on the cheek) Bye!
She starts back up the stairs toward the school. She turns back when she notices that Sven isn't following.
Sven! Come?
Sven starts to follow her. Devon smirks and goes over to Oz, who's dealing with their equipment.
Oz, man! What do you think?
Of what?
Cordelia, man!
She's a wonderland tour.
You gotta admit, the girl is hot!
Yeah, she's a hot girl.
Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Well, it involves a feather boa and the theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't discuss it here.
You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!
I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
She doesn't have to talk.
Oz just smirks.
Willow and Xander walking.
I worked really hard on my costume. It's pretty cool.
Okay, but what about me? I've gotta think.
Well, it's a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress-up alternatives.
And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives. All aimed at me.
Bavarians are cool.
Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat.
Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? (beat) That came out wrong.
Xander doesn't even notice because his attention is suddenly riveted on Buffy and Ampata arriving for school. Willow looks crushed.
Your first day of school. Nervous?
It is just more people than I have seen in a long time.
Ah, don't worry. You will have no problems making friends. As a matter of fact, I know someone who's dying to meet you.
Giles gets right to it. He shakes Ampata's hand and smiles.
How do you do?
Hi.
I was wondering if you could translate this?
That was in no way awkward.
Ampata looks at it in shocked disbelief.
Something wrong?
No! It is... why are you asking me?
Well, it's an artifact... from your... region. It's from the tomb of an Incan mummy, actually. We were trying to translate it as a project for our--
Our archeology club.
Very good.
It is broken. Where are the other pieces?
That's all we found.
Hmm. It is very old and valuable. You should hide it!
Is anything you recognize here? This chap here with the knife, for instance?
Well, I do not know exactly, but... I think this represents, I believe the word is... 'bodyguard'?
Bodyguard? Interesting.
Legend has it that he guards the mummy against those who would disturb her.
Well, yes, that's a very good starting point for our... club.
Oh, and as club president, I have lots to do. Lots of... stuff. Dull stuff. Willow, maybe you could...
Stay with Ampata for the day. I'd love to.
Yes! That will be fun.
Xander gestures for Ampata proceed him out the door. As she walks out he turns to Buffy and Willow, smiles, then follows her. Willow watches them go, dejected.
Right. I'll continue with the translation. Buffy, you research this bodyguard thing and Willow... (turns around) Willow?
Boy. They really like each other.
Xander and Ampata are sitting about two-thirds of the way up in the stands.
And this is called a snack food.
He holds up a Twinkie.
Snack food?
Yeah. It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a delightful creamy, white substance of goodness. And here's how you eat it.
He stuffs the whole thing into his mouth. Ampata laughs at the sight.
Mm-hm.
Oh, but now I cannot try it.
That's why you bring two.
He produces another one from his bag and hands it to her.
Oh. Here goes!
She pulls her windswept hair back from her face and proceeds to stuff most of the Twinkie into her mouth. She laughs with delight.
Good, huh? And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy... food feeling in your stomach.
She squeals with laughter.
You are strange.
Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
I like it!
I like you like it!
She can't help but laugh again.
Please, don't learn from my English.
Buffy is inspecting the seal under a magnifying lamp.
Ha! Or possible ha. (to Willow) Do you think this matches?
Willow is off in her own world, idly playing with her stuffed frog.
Hey!
Oh, yes. I'm caring about mummies.
Ampata's only staying two weeks.
Yeah. And then Xander can find someone else who's not me to obsess about. At least with you I knew he didn't have a shot. Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Good for you.
Well, I didn't choose yet.
Good Lord! (to Buffy) Good work!
My work?
Yes. This is most illuminating. It seems Rodney's killer might be the mummy.
Where does it say that?
Well, here. It implies that the mummy is capable of feeding on the life force of a person, effectively freeze-drying them, you might say. Extraordinary.
So, then we just have to stop the mummy. Which leads to the question: how do we "A" find and "B" stop the mummy?
Well, the answer to that is somewhere still in here. Or in the rest of the seal.
The crazed lunatic from the museum attacks Xander, wielding a vicious-looking knife. Ampata screams as she and Xander quickly separate and the knife is embedded in the seat between them.
You stole the seal! Where is it?
He swings again, but Xander dives down two rows of seats. The attacker comes at him again and tries to stab him but Xander catches his arm and stops the knife from finding its target. Ampata screams and the bodyguard looks more closely at her, recognizing her.
It is you!
Xander kicks him off and he rolls down the bleachers and to the ground. Ampata grabs Xander's satchel, helps him up and they run away.
Giles comes out of his office with a cup of tea and sets it on the table in front of Ampata.
Here you are.
Thank you.
Why's this guy so into us? I mean, what's he want?
He said, 'Give me the seal.'
Apparently this is more popular than we realized. I just don't know what we should do with it.
Destroy it. (off Giles' look) If you do not, someone could die.
I'm afraid someone already has.
You mean the man with the knife killed someone?
No. Well, not exactly.
You are not telling me everything.
You're right, Ampata. And it's time we do. We're not an archeology club. We're in--
Giles interrupts by clearing his throat. Buffy gives him a stern look. Xander quickly covers his lapse.
We're in the Crime Club. Which is kinda like the Chess Club, only with crime, and... chess.
Please understand me. That seal nearly got us killed. It must be destroyed!
She gets up and runs from the library. A moment later Xander gets up and runs out after her.
Ampata!
Buffy and Willow are a bit surprised and confused.
Ampata is sitting on a bench. Xander crouches down beside her.
Ampata, listen to me. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I won't let them.
Your investigation is dangerous. I do not want that. Just normal life!
She gets up and goes over to the drinking fountain. Willow comes out of the library.
Is she okay?
Wigged. I'm tryin' to convince her that our lives aren't just danger and peril around here.
Willow looks over at Ampata sympathetically, then back to Xander.
You should take her to the dance.
That's a good idea. We'll all go!
No, I mean just you.
But you were psyched! And your costume!
I'll see you there.
You know what, Willow? You're my best friend.
He goes over to Ampata and they walk off together.
I know.
Buffy and Giles are still debating strategy.
I don't get it. Why would the bodyguard have such a jones for a broken piece of rock?
Well, perhaps... he needs to put it together with the other pieces.
If he has them. I mean, we didn't find them.
And if he didn't then, then they'd still be at the museum.
So maybe we should go there and find them. And odds are he'll show up, too, right?
And hopefully we'll be ready.
Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan. A good plan.
All right. We'll meet there tonight after it closes.
No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans. (off Giles' look) Canceled plans.
Xander and Ampata are walking.
Okay, I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret, and it's a little bit scary. I like you. A lot. And I want you to go to with me the dance.
Why was that so scary?
Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say 'yes' or if... she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Hmm. Then you are very courageous. Can I tell you a secret? I like you, too.
Really?
Really!
That's great! Really?
Really!
That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? (off her look) Sorry, someone else.
I will return to you.
Where're you going?
Where you cannot follow.
He's confused but smiles when he sees her open the girls' restroom door.
I'll wait outside.
He sits down on a bench to wait.
Ampata touches up her lipstick. She steps back from the mirror and starts when she sees the Incan man standing behind her in the mirror.
I beg you... do not kill me.
You are already dead. For five hundred years.
But it was not fair. I was innocent.
The people you kill now so that you may live, they are innocent.
Please, I am in love!
You are the Chosen One. You must die. You have no choice.
He takes a swing at her with his knife. She grabs his arm and twists, forcing him around and pulling him in to her. He looks up at her in fear as she wraps her arm around his neck and draws him in for a kiss.
Yes, I do.
She kisses him and he mummifies in her arms as she draws out his life force.
Xander is still waiting patiently. Ampata comes back out smiling, and Xander stands up.
I have thought. The dance?
Xander nods expectantly.
I will go with you. Gladly!
Xander breaks into a big smile and laughs delightedly. He takes her by the hand and they walk off down the hall.
Ampata walks in wearing her Inca Princess costume.
Buffy, I do not have any lipstick.
She notices a trunk, a large suitcase and a backpack in the room.
Oh! You can borrow one of mine. There should be some on the desk.
What is that?
The station sent the rest of your stuff.
Oh, of course. I forgot all about it. I will unpack it later.
No worries. I can do it.
But you must get ready for the dance.
I'm not going.
Why not?
I have work to do. Crime Club work. It's really nothing for you to worry about.
Oh, I am not worried, thanks to Xander.
He seems very happy around you.
I am happy, too.
She opens a lipstick and holds it up for an opinion.
This one?
Oh, no. That clashes. There should be a gold one in there somewhere.
Thank you. You are always thinking of others before yourself. You remind me of someone from very long ago-- the Inca Princess.
Cool! A princess.
While Ampata tries out the lipstick, Buffy begins unpacking Ampata's backpack.
They told her that she was the only one. That only she could defend her people from the nether world.
Buffy pulls out a pair of boy's briefs and looks at them in confusion.
Out of all the girls in her generation...
Buffy glances over at Ampata and sees she's about to open the top left drawer where she keeps her Slayer stuff. She rushes over. Ampata pulls open the drawer and looks in curiously.
...she was the only one...
Buffy quickly pushes the drawer closed.
...chosen.
Do you know the story?
It's fairly familiar.
Buffy hands her the gold lipstick.
She was sixteen, like us. She was offered as a sacrifice and went to her death. Who knows what she had to give up to fulfill her duty to others? What chance at love?
Who knows? I'll just unpack the rest of your stuff for you.
No, really, let me...
Buffy starts to lift the lid on the trunk when the doorbell rings, distracting Buffy seconds before she would have seen the mummified corpse of the real Ampata stuffed in the trunk. She lets the lid fall shut as she gets up to answer the door.
That's Xander and Willow. I'll get it.
When Buffy leaves, Ampata kneels down and puts the lock back on the trunk, securing it.
Buffy hops down the stairs and opens the door. Xander walks in dressed as Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western.
I've come for the dance.
And what culture are you?
I'm from the country of Leone. It's in Italy pretending to be Montana. (re: Buffy's outfit) And where are you from? The country of White Trash?
New line-up. You and Willow are taking Ampata. Giles and I are hunting mummies. Where's you and Willow?
She's not coming... with us.
Oh! On a date. Romance, lips...
Xander takes off his hat when he sees Ampata appear on the stairs. She smiles down at him and he is stunned by her beauty.
Hello, Xander.
Xander merely babbles incoherently.
I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you're beautiful.
Hyav su.
You're welcome.
Ampata reaches the bottom of the stairs and stands next to Xander, sporting a large smile. JOYCE comes in to have a look.
Ampata, don't you look wonderful! Oh, I wish you could talk my daughter into going with you.
I tried but she is very stubborn.
Well, I'm glad someone else sees that.
Buffy gives her mother an exasperated look and gets one right back.
Well, good night then.
Buffy opens the door to let them out but Xander pauses a moment.
Be careful.
I will. Hey, you look good.
Xander gives her a smile and then leaves. Joyce comes over to the door to watch them go also.
Look at that. Two days in America, and Ampata already seems like she belongs here. She's really fitting in.
Yeah. How 'bout that?
Devon and Oz's band Dingoes Ate My Baby are playing. Cordelia enters the club and stops to survey the scene. She spots Willow wearing her Eskimo costume.
Oh, near faux pas! I almost wore the same thing.
Before Willow can respond, Cordelia has moved on to bigger and better social encounters. Cordelia spots her friend DAWN.
Hey!
Where's Sven?
Oh, I keep trying to ditch him. He's like one of those dogs that you leave at the Grand Canyon on vacation? It follows you back across four states. (Sven appears at her side) See? My own speechless human boomerang.
He's kinda cute. Maybe it's nice skippin' all that small talk.
Small talk? How about simple instruction? (to Sven) Get punchy. You! Fruit drinky!
Dawn takes Sven's hand and leads him away.
He can follow me.
Xander and Ampata walk in the door and he takes her hand. Ampata looks around and sees Willow in her Eskimo outfit as Xander leads her to the dance floor. Willow is heartbroken to see them together.
I think I should've worn something sexy.
Xander spots her and leads Ampata over to her table.
Wow, you guys look great.
I love your costume. It's very authentic.
Thanks.
Yeah, you look... snug.
That's what I was going for. Where's Buffy?
Willow looks around stiffly. She can hardly move in her outfit.
Buffy opens the door for Giles.
Thank heavens you're home.
Yup! Not at the dance. Not with my friends. Not with a life. What are you doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the museum to find the bodyguard.
No, he's already been found. In a school restroom. Mummified.
Okay, I don't get it. Why would the mummy kill her own bodyguard?
Well, I've cross-referenced, and I've looked at the pictograms anew. He was a guard, all right. But it was his job to insure that the mummy didn't awaken and escape.
So Ampata translated wrong.
Perhaps.
Hold on a sec. She was wiggy about the seal from minute one.
Yes, I suppose she was.
A thought occurs to Buffy and she runs up the stairs.
Her trunks!
I beg your pardon?
Giles is going through Ampata's things.
It's certainly all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these?
Buffy considers the lock on the trunk for a moment, then rips it off, barehanded. She lifts the lid and turns to Giles.
How about this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse... and doesn't even pack a lipstick?
Xander is standing by the stairs with Ampata.
Do you... Would you like to... you know...
I'd love to dance.
He removes his hat and poncho, takes her hand and leads her onto the dance floor. Willow watches longingly as they walk past her.
On the dance floor, Xander and Ampata touch hands and slowly intertwine their fingers. Xander smiles at her as Ampata sensuously glides her hand around his neck.
The stage where Oz's attention is riveted by someone he sees in the crowd. He stares intently.
Hey.
Devon comes over.
That girl. Who is she?
Devon thinks he means Ampata.
She's an exchange student. I think she's from South America.
No, not her. The Eskimo.
Devon shrugs and returns to the mike as the band plays on. Oz is captivated by Willow.
The car is lurching and shuddering along at less-than-breakneck speed.
Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
It is down.
One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car.
Giles grinds the gears and Buffy shakes her head in frustration.
Xander is looking deeply into Ampata's eyes as they slow dance. Ampata leans her head onto his cheek for a moment, then looks deep into Xander's eyes.
They move in to kiss.
As their lips are about to meet, Ampata notices her hand begin to mummify and pulls back. Xander looks at her in wide-eyed confusion. The song is almost over. Without a word, she runs from the dance floor and disappears into the crowd. Xander stares after her, thoroughly confused.
Okay, at least I can rule out something I said.
Ampata reaches the edge of the crowd and looks round. She sees JONATHAN sitting alone on the stairs.
I should've guessed. Remember, Ampata wanted us to hide the seal?
And then she wanted us to destroy it becau-- oh, wait!
Uh, waiting...
Well, we already know that the seal was used to contain the mummy. If breaking it freed her...
Reassembling it will trap her.
I'll go to the museum. I'll drop you off. I'll try to piece together the fragments there.
Okay, I'll still get Xander before he gets smoochy with Mummy Dearest.
Xander walks off of the dance floor toward Willow.
Have you seen Ampata? (Willow shrugs) What was that?
I shrugged.
Next time you should probably say 'shrug'.
He walks away, still looking.
Sigh.
Sven and Dawn pass by in front of her.
I thought this exchange student thing would be a great deal. But look what I got stuck with! 'Momento!' 'Punchy fruity drinky!' Is Cordelia even from this country?
Ampata has led Jonathan backstage. She takes off his hat and strokes his hair and cheek. Jonathan is a short, slightly pudgy boy and is mesmerized that a girl this pretty would pay any attention to him at all.
Your hands feel kinda... rough.
More of her skin flaking and peeling as it reverts back to its mummified state. She moves in for a kiss.
Aren't you with Xander?
Does it look like I'm with Xander?
As their lips nearly meet, Xander calls out, looking for her.
Ampata!
Jonathan pulls away from her and grabs his hat.
That's my cue to leave.
He runs from the room. She is standing by the window, looking out as Xander finds her.
There you are. Why'd you run away?
She slowly turns to face him.
Because... I do not deserve you.
What, you think that you don't deserve me? (laughs) Man, I love you!
She sheds a few tears and looks up at him sorrowfully. His smile fades.
Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion?
I am very happy. And very sad.
Then talk to me. Let me know what's wrong.
I can't!
She hugs him and cries into his shoulder.
Hey, I know why you can't tell me. It's a secret, right? (she nods) And if you told me, you'd have to kill me.
She doesn't think it's funny, and hugs him again, crying harder.
Oh! That was a bad joke. And the delivery was off, too. I'm sorry. I, uh... I'm sorry.
Tentatively they kiss. She reaches her arm around his head and pulls him closer for a harder kiss. His eyes go wide with shock and surprise as he feels his life force begin to drain.
Resume. Xander's life force is being drained by Ampata. Suddenly she breaks off the kiss, letting Xander fall to the floor.
No! I can't.
Xander is drained of strength and gasps for air. She kneels down and pulls him around, laying his head in her lap.
Xander, I'm so sorry.
Giles is reading from a book while reassembling the pieces of the seal.
'Incan Cosmology unites the bird head with its paler twin.' (looks around at the pieces) Oh, here. Its paler twin.
He fits the pieces and they match.
Ampata senses something is wrong.
The seal!
She lets Xander fall to the floor and runs out of the room.
Buffy rushes in and grabs Willow.
Where's Xander?
He's looking for Ampata.
We need to find him. Ampata's the mummy.
Oh. (smiles) Good. (realizes) Xander!
Where'd they go?
Backstage, I think.
They rush off to find Xander just as Oz walks up.
Hey, I-- (beat, then smiles) Who is that girl?
They find Xander on the floor, groggy and leaning against the wall.
Are you okay?
I think so. Boy, that was some kiss!
Where's Ampata?
She said something about the seal.
The seal! Giles! C'mon.
They help him up.
What's goin' on?
He doesn't know?
We'll tell him on the way.
Giles is trying to put the last pieces of the seal together. Ampata peers at him from around a darkened corner before quietly making her way over to him.
There, that's it. Just one more piece.
Ampata reaches around his shoulder from behind and pulls him up. She takes the seal from his hands and throws it to the floor, smashing it to pieces. She seizes him by the neck and lifts him onto the rim of the stone sarcophagus just as Buffy arrives.
I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies. You don't kiss and tell.
She executes a long, high leap onto the raised sarcophagus platform and adopts a fighting stance.
Looks like you've been keeping secrets from me. You're not a normal girl.
Ampata shoves Giles into the sarcophagus.
And you are?
Buffy lands a kick to Ampata's face and ribs. She throws a punch, but Ampata catches Buffy's fist and swings her around onto the rim of the sarcophagus, showing that her strength rivals the Slayer's. She grabs Buffy's neck and begins choking her. Buffy headbutts Ampata, staggering her. As Buffy lunges for her, Ampata feints to the side and uses Buffy's momentum against her, sending her into the sarcophagus with Giles. Ampata closes the stone lid on the two of them.
Willow runs in as Ampata starts to leave. Pleased to have someone to feed off in her hour of need, she seizes Willow by the neck and lifts her off the floor.
This won't hurt!
Willow begins to choke as Ampata moves in to kiss her.
Xander calmly walks into exhibit.
Let her go! If you're going to kiss anybody, it should be me.
Xander, we can be together. (re: Willow) Just... just let me have this one.
That's never gonna happen.
I must do it. I must do it now or it is the end for me and for us!
She tries to kiss Willow again but Xander runs over and pulls Willow away.
NO! You want life? You're gonna have to take mine. Can you do that?
Ampata looks into his eyes as she considers. Her skin has now mummified up to her neck.
Yes!
Ampata lunges for Xander and they grapple, Xander trying to keep her mouth from his. Buffy shatters the lid of the sarcophagus and leaps out. She yanks Ampata away from Xander just as she returns fully to her mummified form. Her arms break away and Xander is left holding them. Revolted, he drops them to the floor. Ampata's body begins to disintegrate, her head tumbling to the marble tiles.
Xander is stunned and emotionally beaten. He feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to see Willow there, as always.
Giles struggles out of the sarcophagus and the four of them slowly make their way out of the museum.
Buffy and Xander walk along the colonnade.
I'm really the Fun Talking Guy today, huh? Sorry.
That's okay. You don't have to talk.
I just-- present company excluded-- I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world. Ever.
Ampata wasn't evil, at least not to begin with. And... I do think she cared about you.
Yeah, but I think that whole sucking-the-life-out-of-people thing would have been a strain on the relationship.
She was gypped. She was just a girl and she had her life taken away from her. I remember how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was gonna die. I wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing.
Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life.
I had you to bring me back.