[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Halloween at buffyology.com.]
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Pan down from the sign over the pumpkin stand past another one counting off the days until Halloween to a pumpkin on the ground aglow with a candle. BUFFY lands flat on her back on top of it, thrown by an enraged vampire. Momentarily stunned, she shakes her head to clear it as the vampire comes at her. She reaches for a nearby squash and throws it at him, hitting him squarely in the forehead. She follows it up with a pumpkin. The vampire staggers back a few steps and Buffy hops back to her feet. She removes a stake from beneath her shirt and launches it at him. With lightning-quick reflexes, he grabs the scarecrow and holds it in front of him and the stake embeds itself harmlessly in its straw body. He shoves the scarecrow aside and comes at her with a roundhouse kick. They start fighting hand-to-hand.
POV: through a camcorder lens.
Another vampire, taping the fight. He moves closer for a better angle.
POV: Through camcorder lens. The 'battery low' indicator starts flashing. A moment later the view becomes snowy. The vampire takes the camcorder away from his eye, jostles it and the camera starts working again. He raises it back to his eye to continue recording.
The fight continues, the two of them trading powerful blows. Buffy uses a hay wagon to brace herself and grab the vampire's head in a scissor hold. She twists her body and flips him over sideways onto the ground. Stepping away from the wagon, she eyes the countdown sign. The vampire tries to grab for her legs and she somersaults over him, landing next to the sign. She pulls it out of the ground and swings it at his legs as he comes for her, knocking them out from under him. She raises the sign and jams the end of the signpost into his chest. The vampire screams as it explodes into ashes, leaving the sign stuck in the ground. Her job done, Buffy walks away into the night, unaware of her silent observer who melts back into the shadows.
Opening credit sequence.
A waitress picks up a tray of cappuccino and cupcakes. Follow her as she moves through the crowd. She turns to her right, but we continue through the crowd over to ANGEL sitting alone at a table, looking very bored. A huge spider web and other Halloween decorations adorn the staircase behind him. CORDELIA spots him and slinks over to his table. She sets down her drink and sits next to him.
I know. Is the Bronze so not happening, or what?
Oh. Hi.
Hi!
I'm waiting for Buffy.
Great! I'm supposed to be meeting Devon, but he's nowhere to be seen. It's like he thinks being in a band gives him an obligation to flake.
Angel smiles at the joke.
Well, his loss is your incredible gain!
The door. Buffy walks in, looks around and sees Angel with Cordelia, laughing.
Angel's table.
So I told Devon, "You call that leather interior? My Barbie Dream Car had nicer seats!"
Buffy. She's visibly upset seeing Angel with Cordelia and turns around to leave. Angel notices her as she's about to go.
Buffy?
He gets up and hurries over to her.
Buffy!
Hi! I'm--
Late.
Rough day at the office.
Angel reaches up to her hair and pulls out a piece of straw.
So I see.
Hey, it's a look. A seasonal look.
Cordelia realizes Angel is a lost cause now that Buffy has arrived and delivers one more parting jab at her before leaving.
Buffy. Love the hair. It just screams street urchin.
Buffy feels self-conscious in front of Angel in comparison to Cordelia's beauty.
Know what? I need to go... (loses the smile) put a bag over my head.
Angel takes her arm.
Don't listen to her. Please. You look fine.
You're sweet. A terrible liar, but sweet.
I thought we had--
A date. So did I. But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.
Buffy turns and leaves. Cordelia sees her opening and appears at Angel's side again.
Cappuccino?
Angel is hardly interested. He stares after Buffy.
Sign-ups are being taken for the volunteer safety program for Halloween. Principal SNYDER takes one of the clipboards and looks around at the students. He grabs the next GIRL that walks by and pulls her aside.
Hey!
You're volunteering.
He holds out the clipboard and pen to her. WILLOW, Buffy and XANDER walk in from an adjoining corridor.
But I have to get to class.
Snyder couldn't care less. The team walks past him.
Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer safety program for Halloween this year.
Note his interesting take on the volunteer concept.
What's the deal?
Willow stops at her locker and works the combination.
Oh, a bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or- treating. Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night.
Yikes. I'll stick to vampires.
Snyder puts his hand on her shoulder and she spins around to face him.
Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for.
Principal Snyder!
Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples... one pathetic cry for help after another. Well, not this year, missy.
He leads her over to the sign-up table.
Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.
Snyder holds up the clipboard and pen.
The program starts at four, the children have to be back at six.
Buffy reluctantly grabs the pen and clipboard and signs herself up. Amused, Xander smiles at Willow. His smile evaporates as Snyder holds pens out to Willow and Xander, too. They both look at him, begging not to be put through this. He's having none of it and Willow gives up and takes the pen.
Later as they head to class.
I can't believe this. We have to get dressed up and the whole deal?
Snyder said costumes were mandatory.
Great. I was gonna stay in and veg. The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me.
Halloween quiet? Oh, I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare-a- palooza.
They walk into the student lounge.
Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is like, dead for the undead. They stay in.
Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em. They just keep you guessing!
Xander puts his satchel down on the table and heads over to the soda vending machine. He puts in his coins and hits a button. Nothing. He hits another one. Still nothing. He bangs the machine on the front and on the side. LARRY, one of the Sunnydale High jocks, comes up to him and puts his hand on Xander's shoulder.
Harris!
Hey, Lar!. You're lookin' Cro-Mag as usual. What can I do you for?
You and Buffy, you're just friends, right?
I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.
So she's not your girlfriend?
Alas, no.
Larry looks over at Buffy as talks to Xander.
Do you think she'd go out with me?
Well, Lar, that's a tough question to... no. Not a chance.
Why not? I heard some guys say she was fast.
I hope you mean like the wind.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
That's my friend that you're talking about!
Oh, yeah? Well, what're you gonna do about it?
Xander grabs Larry by the shirt.
I'm going to do what any man would do about it: something damn manly.
Larry smiles and laughs. He knocks Xander's hands away and grabs him by the shirt with his right hand. He balls his left hand into a fist and draws back for a punch. Suddenly Buffy is there and grabs his wrist, wrenches it behind his back and slams his head into the vending machine. A Diet Dr. Pepper rolls into the slot.
Get gone.
She pulls Larry back from the machine and shoves him away, then notices the soda. She snatches it up.
Oh! Diet!
Do you know what you just did?
Saved you a dollar?
No, but Larry was about to pummel me!
Oh, that? Forget about it.
She heads back to their table.
Oh, I'll forget about it. In maybe fifteen, twenty years when my rep for being a sissy-man finally fades!
Xander, don't you think you're--
A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life. Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot for your help.
He grabs his bag from the table and walks off in a huff. Buffy moans and sits back down with Willow.
I think I just violated the Guy Code big time.
Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile. Speaking of, how was your date last night?
Misfire. I was late due to unscheduled slayage. Showed up looking trashed.
Was he mad?
Actually he was pretty un-mad. Which probably had something to do with the fact that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino.
Oh, Buffy. Angel would never fall for her act.
You mean that 'actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene' act?
You know what I mean. She's not his type.
Are you sure? I mean, I don't know what his type is. I've known him less than a year and if you haven't noticed, he's not exactly one to over share.
True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher Diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.
Most importantly, it would be wrong.
Willow and Buffy peer in through the round door window. GILES is nowhere to be seen. Buffy quietly opens the door and sneaks in. She looks back at Willow, who gives her encouragement. The door closes and Willow looks in through the glass. Buffy quietly makes her way up to the counter and looks around again for Giles. Satisfied that he's not there she heads for his office.
Buffy!
She spins around and sees him in the cage getting some old books.
Excellent!
Nothing! Hi!
Yes, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow night. As it should be calm, you might work on some new battle techniques.
You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun.
She waves to Willow to come in as he's looking down at his books. Willow shakes her head and mouths 'no'. Giles looks up and Buffy feigns scratching her head.
You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark and there are these moving pictures, right, and the pictures tell a story.
Yes, yes, ha ha, very droll.
Willow quietly comes in.
I'll have you know that I have very many relaxing hobbies.
Such as?
Well...
Buffy mouths something to Willow to goad her on.
I enjoy cross-referencing.
Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send them out?
Buffy keeps him distracted while Willow heads for his office.
So! How come Halloween is such a big yawner? I mean, do the demons just hate how commercial it's become?
It's interesting, actually... not, I suspect, to you. What is it you're after?
Willow is at the office door.
Of course, it's of interest to me! I'm the Slayer. I need to know these things. You can't keep me in the dark any longer.
Willow opens the door and starts in. Giles grabs the stack of books again and starts to turn to his office.
Look at me when I talk to you!
Willow looks over at them anxiously.
I really don't have time for these games.
Ms. Calendar said you were a babe.
Willow looks back again and shakes her head.
She said what?
Well, she said that you were a... hunk of burning... something or other. So what do you think of that?
I... don't... a burning hunk of what?
Look. You know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grownups having smoochies, but I think you should go for it.
Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but...
Willow hurries past the counter with one of Giles' books.
But I've overstepped my bounds. It's none of my business, you know. What was I thinking? My god! Shame, shame. I gotta go.
She quickly makes a hasty retreat into the hallway.
A babe? (smirks) I can live with that.
Buffy and Willow are chatting and looking at a drawing of a noble woman with a tiny waist wearing a billowing gown.
Man, look at her.
Who is she?
It doesn't say, but the entry's dated 1775.
Angel was eighteen. And still human.
So that's the kinda girl he hung around? She's pretty coiffed.
She looks like a noble woman or something. Which means being beautiful is sort of her job.
And clearly this girl was a workaholic. I'll never be like this.
C'mon! She's not that pretty. I mean, look at her. She's got a funny... uh, waist. Look how tiny that is.
Thank you. Now I feel better.
No. She's like a freak. A circus freak. Yuck.
Must have been wonderful. Put on some fantabulous gown and go to a ball like a princess and have horses and servants and yet more gowns.
Yeah. Still, I think I prefer being able to vote. Or I will when I can.
Cordelia walks into the bathroom and goes straight to the mirror.
So Buffy. You ran off last night and left poor little Angel all by his lonesome. But I did everything I could to comfort him.
I'll bet.
So, what's his story anyway? I mean, I never see him around.
Not during the day, anyway.
Oh, please. Don't tell me he still lives at home. Like, he has to wait for his dad to get back before he can take the car?
Cordelia, I think his parents have been dead for a couple of hundred years.
Oh, good. I mean... what?
Angel's a vampire. I thought you knew.
Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs?
It's true.
You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.
She walks out and Buffy just watches her go, amazed.
The store is full of mothers with their kids looking for Halloween costumes. Buffy is handling a plastic pumpkin when it suddenly lights up and screams. She quickly puts it back on the counter. Willow comes over to her.
What'd you get?
She holds up a ghost costume.
A time-honored classic!
Okay, Will, can I give you a little friendly advice?
It's not spooky enough?
It's just... you're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding. You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
Free candy?
It's come as you aren't night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions.
Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
Don't underestimate yourself. You've got it in you.
Hey, Xander! What'd you get?
He pulls a toy military rifle out of his bag and holds it up for Willow to see.
That's not a costume.
Xander ignores Buffy and talks to Willow.
I got fatigues from an Army surplus at home. Call me the Two- Dollar Costume King, baby!
He smiles at Willow. She smiles sweetly back.
Hey, look, Xander... I'm... really sorry about this morning.
Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress.
She puts her chin on his shoulder and gives him an adorable puppy-dog look.
Okay, then I promise, from now on I'll let you get pummeled.
Thank you. Okay. Y'know, actually I think I could've tak--
Buffy is suddenly distracted by a costume. She slowly walks over to it.
Hello! That was our touching reconciliation moment there.
She's entranced by a frilly, red, billowy 18th Century gown.
I'm sorry, it's just... look at this.
It's amazing.
Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex.
The proprietor, ETHAN RAYNE, notices her looking at the dress and walks over to them.
Please, let me.
He takes the dress off of its mannequin.
Oh, it's...
Magnificent. Yes, I know. There. (holds it up to her in a mirror) My. Meet the hidden princess. I think we found a match. Don't you?
Oh, I'm sorry. There's no way I could ever afford this.
Oh, nonsense. I feel quite moved to make you a deal you can't refuse.
She looks back into the mirror, takes the dress from Ethan and smiles dreamily as she holds it up to her chin.
SPIKE watches the video of Buffy's fight from the night before.
Here it comes. Rewind that. Let's see that again.
The vampire rewinds the tape as Spikes strolls around to another monitor.
She's tricky. Baby likes to play.
On screen, Buffy stakes the vampire with the signpost again and again.
You see that? The way she stakes him with that thing? That's what's called resourceful. Rewind it again.
DRUSILLA drifts in from the next room.
Miss Edith needs her tea.
Spike holds his hand out to her.
C'mere, poodle.
Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet. That's why I've got to study this Slayer. Once I know her I can kill her. And once I kill her you can have your run of Sunnyhell. Get strong again.
Don't worry. Everything's switching. Outside to inside. (breathless) It makes her weak.
Really? Did my pet have a vision?
Do you know what I miss? Leeches.
Come on, talk to Daddy. This thing that makes the Slayer weak? When is it?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's Halloween. Nothing happens on Halloween.
Someone's come to change it all. Someone new.
Ethan enters through the curtain and kneels before his statue of Janus. He presses his hands together and winces in pain. When he pulls them apart there are wounds in his palms and blood flows freely from them.
The world that denies thee, thou inhabit.
He dabs the blood from his hand over his right eyelid.
The peace that ignores thee...
Now over his left eyelid.
...thou corrupt.
He makes the sign of the cross on his forehead.
Chaos. I remain, as ever, thy faithful, degenerate son.
Buffy is standing before a full-length long mirror wearing her gown and a long, black wig. She puts on a second of a pair of earrings. Willow is in the bathroom changing.
Where're you meeting Angel?
Here. After trick-or-treating. Mom's gonna be out.
Does he know about your costume?
Nope. Call it a blast from his past. I'll show him I can coif with the best of 'em. Okay, Willow, come out. You can't hide in there all night.
Okay, but promise you won't laugh?
I promise.
Willow opens the door and comes out wearing boots, a short black leather skirt and a burgundy long-sleeved, V-necked, midriff-baring top. She's uncomfortable and quickly steps over to her ghost sheet and picks it up.
Wow! You're a dish!
Willow tries to hide herself with the sheet but Buffy takes it from her and tosses it aside.
I mean, really.
Willow is still obviously very uncomfortable and tries to cover herself with her arms.
But this just isn't me.
And that's the point. Look, Halloween is the night that not you is you, but not you. Y'know?
The doorbell rings, o.s.
Oh! That's Xander. Are you ready?
Yeah. Okay.
Cool! I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you!
Buffy rushes out to answer the door, leaving Willow still trying to find a way to cover herself up.
Buffy comes down the stairs and opens the door for Xander. He enters, dressed as a commando and saluting with his toy rifle.
Private Harris reporting for... (re: Buffy's costume) Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!
Thank you, kind sir. (Xander bows) But wait till you see...
They turn to look up the stairs at Willow who has reverted back to her host costume. It says BOO! on the front in large bold letters.
Hi.
...Casper.
Hey, Will! That's a fine boo you got there.
Buffy is clearly disappointed.
Establishing. Children are arriving in costume to be taken trick-or-treating.
Buffy is holding a clipboard, waiting for her charges. Snyder brings them to her.
This is your group, Summers. No need to speak to them. The last thing they need is your influence. Just bring them back in one piece and I won't expel you.
As Snyder turns to go, Buffy sneers at his back, then turns to the kids.
Hi.
Snyder turns and gives her a glare, obviously serious about her no speaking to the children. Buffy just rolls her eyes.
Xander in his soldier outfit. Larry walks up dressed as a pirate.
Where's your bodyguard, Harris? Curling her hair?
He jumps at Xander, making him flinch then laughs in Xander's face and saunters off. Angry, Xander points the rifle at him for a moment before turning back to the kids.
OZ, at his locker, taking out his guitar. Cordelia slinks down the hall wearing a form-fitting catsuit that accentuates her every gorgeous curve.
Oz. Oz.
Hey, Cordelia. Jeez, you're like a great big cat.
It's my costume. Are you guys playing tonight?
Yeah, at the Shelter Club.
Is "Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show- up-for-my-date-or-even-call" gonna be there?
Yeah. Y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now.
Well, you can tell him that I don't care and that I didn't even mention it. And that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine.
So what do I tell him?
Nothing! Jeez, get with the program.
She struts off in a huff.
Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?
Oz turns to go and bumps into Willow in her ghost costume. They apologize profusely to each other then continue going their separate ways.
Xander, briefing his group of kids like a drill sergeant with his troops. They're lined up and standing at attention.
Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?
They all nod their heads enthusiastically.
Okay, troops.
He turns and faces down the hall and the kids follow his lead.
Let's move out.
A student dressed as a vampire is escorting a group of kids. They walk by Buffy's group coming back from a house. Buffy leans down to see what they got.
What did Mrs. Davis give you?
They all pull out toothbrushes.
She must be stopped. Let's hit one more house. We still have a few more minutes before I need to get you back.
Ethan is casting a spell, chanting in Latin and lighting candles and incense.
Janus, evoco vestram animam. Exaudi meam causam. Carpe noctem pro consilio vestro. Veni, appare et nobis monstra quod est infinita potestas. (Janus, I invoke your spirit. Hear my plea. Seize the night for your own reason. Come, appear and show to us that which is infinite power.)
Willow follows her kids along the porch of a house to the front door.
C'mon, guys.
One of the kids wearing a green monster mask on his head rings the bell and steps back. An old LADY answers the door. The kid with the mask pulls it down over his face.
Trick-or-treat!
Oh, my goodness, aren't you adorable!
Persona se corpum et sanguium commutandum est. Vestra sancta prūsentia concrescet viscera. Janus! Sume noctem! (The mask transforms itself into flesh and blood. Your holy presence curdles the heart. Janus! Take the night!)
A wind begins to blow. Buffy suddenly senses something isn't quite right.
Willow and her kids with the old lady. The elderly woman looks into her empty candy bucket.
Oh, dear! Am I all out?
Ethan raises his head in exultation.
Showtime!
I could've sworn I had more candy.
A kid wearing a devil's costume-- a red rubber cap with horns-- suddenly changes into a leering horned, red skinned monster in the blink of an eye.
I'm sorry, Mister Monster. Maybe I--
Another kid with the green monster mask has transformed into a snarling demon and seizes the poor woman by the neck, choking her. The other children scream and run away.
No! Let her go!
The red monster attacks the green one and he responds, letting go of the old lady who falls back into her house, sputtering and coughing. The two monsters are at each other's throats.
Stop! What're you doing?
Terrified, the elderly woman slams the door shut.
Stop! Hey!
Willow suddenly starts to feel weak as the two monsters continue fighting viciously.
Xander is watching all the parents and children running around him. Things are being thrown and windows are being broken.
Willow. She staggers as the two monsters keep fighting.
Ohmigod! Can't breathe...
She collapses to the ground.
Xander. He jerks stumbles like he's just been hit by a jolt of electricity. He bends over slightly, and lowers the toy rifle out of frame. When he straightens back up and surveys the scene around him, he raises the rifle and we see it's now a fully automatic M-16 assault rifle. He shoulders the weapon and spins around, scanning for a target. When he doesn't immediately find one, he lowers the rifle and holds it at ready.
On the porch, Willow stands up wearing the sexy outfit from earlier in the evening, however she's ethereal and translucent. We can almost see through her. She looks down and sees her solid self still lying on the ground, either unconscious or dead. We can't tell for sure
Oh, my god! I'm a real ghost!
She hears automatic rifle fire and whirls in that direction.
Xander?
She runs out into the street and approaches him from behind.
Xander!
He spins around and points his M-16 at her.
It's me, Willow!
I don't know any Willow.
Xander, quit messing around. This is no time for jokes.
What the hell's going on here?
You don't know me?
Lady, I suggest you find cover.
No, wait!
Xander walks right through her, surprising them both. Shocked, Xander points his weapon at her again.
What are you?
Xander, listen to me. I'm on your side, I swear! Something crazy is happening. I was dressed as a ghost for Halloween and now I am a ghost. And you were supposed to be a soldier, and now I guess you're a real soldier.
You expect me to believe that?
A monster appears across the street, growling. Xander points his rifle at it and scares it away away. Willow jumps in front of him.
No! No guns! That's still a little kid in there!
Step out of the way!
No guns! That's an order!
He slowly lowers the rifle.
We just need to find... Buffy!
She spots Buffy across the street and runs over to her. Xander follows, still skeptical.
Buffy! Are you okay?
Suddenly the monster returns with reinforcements. Xander shoulders his M-16 again and takes aim.
This could be a situation.
Buffy, what do we do?
Buffy takes one look at the approaching demons and faints dead away.
Resume. Xander fires off a couple dozen rounds at the approaching monsters and they flee, howling into the night. Pan down from him to Willow kneeling beside Buffy, who's lying against a tree.
Buffy, are you all right?
What?
Are you hurt?
Buffy, are you hurt?
Buffy sits up, looking around her confused.
Buffy?
She's not Buffy.
Who's Buffy?
Oh, this is fun. (to Buffy) What year is this?
Xander takes Buffy's hand and helps her up. She's confused and hyperventilating.
Seventeen seventy-five, I believe. I don't understand. Who are you?
We're friends.
Friends of whom? Your dress... everything is strange! How did I come to be here?
Breathe, okay, breathe. You're gonna faint again. (to Xander) How are we supposed to get through this without the Slayer?
What's a Slayer?
A demon from behind the tree, fangs bared and claws raised to attack. Buffy screams and backs off. Xander jumps in and whacks the monster across the face with the butt of his rifle, knocking it down and out.
I suggest we get inside before we come across anything--
Buffy hides behind Xander.
A demon! A demon!
Willow looks and sees that Buffy has mistaken an SUV driving down the street for a demon.
That's not a demon. It's a car.
What does it want?
Is this woman insane?
She's never seen a car.
She's never seen a car?
She's from the past.
And you're a ghost.
Yes! Now let's get inside.
I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here. Where do we go?
Where's the closest... we can go to a friend's.
Xander opens the door and scans the room.
All clear!
Hello? Mrs. Summers? (no response) Good, she's gone.
Xander closes the door.
Where are we?
Your place. Now we just need to...
There's a banging at the front door. Xander goes to investigate and Willow and Buffy cautiously follow.
Don't open it!
Could be a civilian.
Or a mini-demon.
Buffy notices a picture on a table and picks it up. It's her wearing a low-cut tank top. She turns around as Willow walks over to her.
This... this could be me.
It is you. Buffy, can't you remember at all?
No! I don't understand any of this! This is some other girl! I would never wear this-- that low apparel-- and I don't like this place and I don't like you and I just want to go home!
You are home!
Buffy is practically in tears.
She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?
Xander scans the outside through one of the small windows in the door. He moves away just as a monster punches through the glass and reaches for him. It pulls its hand back as Xander raises his M-16.
Not a civilian!
Affirmative!
He takes aims through the broken window.
Hey! What did we say?
Xander lets loose a short static burst of rounds. Willow winces at the noise. Buffy claps her hands over her ears. Xander rolls away from the door and takes cover.
Big noise scare monster, remember?
Got it.
They hear a woman screaming outside. Xander looks out again.
Damn it!
He runs to the rescue, pulling the door closed behind him. Buffy rushes over to Willow.
Surely he'll not desert us!
Whatever.
She rolls her eyes and heads into the living room. Buffy is wide-eyed with fear.
Cordelia screams as she runs from a sasquatch.
Somebody help me!
She looks back at the monster chasing her and screams as she runs into Xander.
Xander! Help me!
Come inside!
He takes her by her elbow and leads her to the house.
Willow watches through the window as Xander and Cordelia rush in through the front door.
Cordelia!
Wait a... what's going on?
Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
You know us?
Yeah. Lucky me. What's with the name game?
A lot's going on.
No kidding. I was just attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-Faced Boy. Look at my costume! Do you really think that Partytown's gonna give me my deposit back? Not on the likely.
Xander has taken his shirt off and puts it around her shoulders.
Here.
Thanks.
Okay. You guys stay here while I get some help. If something tries to get in, just fight it off.
Well, it's not our place to fight. Surely some men will protect us.
What's that riff?
It's like amnesia, okay? They don't know who they are. Just sit tight.
Who died and made her the boss?
Willow walks through the wall behind Cordelia. Buffy stares in wide-eyed amazement.
Spike is walking down the street watching with glee as several monsters chase people past him.
Well! This is just... neat!
Xander brings a chair over from the dining room.
You! Check upstairs. Make sure everything's locked up.
He positions the chair to help hold the table in place that they've upended against the window. Cordelia heads upstairs.
Surely there's somewhere we can go. A safe haven.
Lady said stay put.
You would take orders from a woman? Are you feeble in some way?
Ma'am, in the Army we have a saying: Sit down and shut the--
He sees a picture on the floor
Whoa!
He picks the picture up. It's of the three of them.
She must be right. We must have some kind of amnesia.
I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!
How do you explain this?
I don't! I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a Baron.
This ain't no tea party, Princess. Sooner or later you're gonna have to fight!
Fight these low creatures? (snotty) I'd sooner die.
Then you'll die.
Angel enters from the kitchen.
Oh, good! You guys are all right. It's total chaos out there.
They both stare at Angel, confused.
BUFFY & XANDER
Who are you?
Giles is going through a stack of cards he's pulled from the card catalog. Looks up at the sound of screams and sirens from outside. Suddenly Willow walks though the wall sending Giles recoiling backward amid a flurry of cards.
Jeez!
Hi.
Giles is stunned speechless.
Angel is looking back and forth between Buffy and Xander.
Okay, somebody want to fill me in?
Do you live here?
No and you know that. (to Buffy) Buffy, I'm lost here. You... what's up with your hair?
Cordelia runs back in from upstairs.
They don't know who they are. Everyone's turned into a monster. It's a whole big thing. (smiles) How are you?
The lights suddenly go out and Buffy grabs Cordelia in fright.
Do you mind?
Buffy cautiously lets go of her.
You take the princess and secure the kitchen. Catwoman, you're with me.
Cordelia follows Xander as Angel heads for the kitchen.
But I don't want to go with you! I like the man with the musket!
C'mon.
Do you have a musket?
Angel sees that the door is open.
I didn't leave that open.
He quietly moves toward the door as he looks around for an intruder. He closes the back door as the basement door behind Buffy opens and a vampire attacks her. She tries to push the door closed on him. Angel grabs the vampire and wrestles him to the floor. It's the student escort who was in a vampire costume.
A stake!
A what?
Get me a stake!
Buffy looks around and grabs a knife she sees on the counter.
Hurry up!
He turns to look what's keeping her and Buffy screams at the top of her lungs when she sees Angel's demonic face. She bolts for the back door.
Buffy, no!
Giles is in the cage going through a stack of old papers. He blows the dust off of them and walks back out. Willow is looking through a book.
I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the page.
Well, all right, let's review... so everybody became... whatever they were masquerading as.
Right. Xander was a soldier and Buffy was an 18th Century girl.
And your costume?
I'm a ghost!
Yes. The ghost of what, exactly?
Well, this is nothing. You should see what Cordelia was wearing. A unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff.
Good heavens. She became an actual feline?
No! She was the same old Cordelia. Just in a cat costume.
She didn't change.
No. Hold on... Partytown. She told us she got her outfit from Partytown.
And everyone who changed, they acquired their costumes where?
We all got ours at a new place. Ethan's.
Terrified, Buffy runs between piles of garbage.
Moving shot as Cordelia, Angel and Xander look for Buffy. Xander has his rifle raised and ready.
Are you sure she came this way?
No.
She'll be okay.
Buffy would be okay. Whoever she is now, she's helpless. C'mon!
Pan to Spike, hiding behind a tree, eavesdropping on their conversation. He turns to the child monsters Willow was chaperoning.
Do you hear that, my friends?
The monsters nod and growl.
Somewhere out here is the tenderest meat you've ever tasted and all we have to do is find her first!
Buffy has stopped running and leans against a crate. She looks around, frightened.
Buffy looks around, trying to decide what to do. She lifts her skirt a bit and starts to walk, then turns around to look behind her and takes a few steps backward. When she turns back around Larry, who has turned into a pirate, startles her. He smiles widely at her, showing his rotten teeth.
Pretty, pretty!
Buffy runs away and Larry gives chase.
Giles looks around as he and Willow walk in.
Hello! Anyone home?
Willow sees the curtain to the back room partially open.
Giles...
They slowly approach and see the statue of Janus. Its eyes glow green.
Janus. Roman mythical god.
What does this mean?
Primarily the division of self. Male and female, light and dark.
Ethan walks in from the back room, unconcerned at the arrival of his new guests.
Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry, that's peanut butter.
Giles stares at Ethan as though he's seen a ghost.
Willow, get out of here, now.
But--
Now!
Hesitantly, she obeys him and goes.
Hello, Ethan.
Hello, Ripper.
Buffy backs away from Larry. She turns to run, but trips and falls. Her gown billows out around her and Larry grabs her as she tries to get up and shoves her against a crate. He pushes her hair away from her frightened face and moves in to kiss her.
Xander tackles Larry from behind, knocking him down to the pavement. He pulls Larry up and punches him in the face and gut. Larry pushes him off and punches
him back. Xander grabs Larry's arm and pulls it behind his back, forcing him over, and knees him in the stomach.
Cordelia arrives behind Buffy with Angel.
Buffy! Are you okay?
Buffy sees Angel, yelps and cowers behind a box.
What's your deal? Take a pill!
Larry attacks Xander with his sword. Xander sidesteps him, grabs him by the wrist and twists his arm around, causing him to drop the sword. He lifts Larry back up and punches him hard, sending him sprawling into a pile of trash.
He's... he's a vampire!
She's got this thing where she thinks... (exasperated) Forget it. (to Buffy) It's okay. Angel is a good vampire. He would never hurt you.
Really?
Absolutely. He's our friend.
Angel heads over to help Xander with Larry just as Xander lays him out cold.
It's strange but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure.
Willow comes running down the alley from the other end.
Guys!
Willow!
Guys, you gotta get inside.
She looks behind her and they see Spike and his monster gang approaching.
We need a triage!
This way! Find an open warehouse.
Xander turns and picks up his rifle.
Ladies, we're on the move!
He quickly heads down the alley. Cordelia and Willow follow him. Angel lifts Buffy and carries her away as Spike and the monsters pursue them at a quick, deliberate pace.
Ethan approaches Giles with an amused smirk.
What? No hug? Aren't you pleased to see your old mate, Rupert?
I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you. This Halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne.
Yes, it does, doesn't it? Don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but it's genius. The very embodiment of 'be careful what you wish for'.
It's sick, brutal, and it harms the innocent.
Oh, and we all know that you are the champion of innocents and all things pure and good, Rupert. It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man.
It's no act. It's who I am.
Who you are? The Watcher: sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I think not. I know who you are, Rupert, and I know what you're capable of. (considers) But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you come from.
Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.
Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?
You get to live.
Oh, Rupert, you're scaring me.
Giles punches him in the gut, doubling him over, and follows up with a right to the face.
Angel has gotten ahead of the others and finds an open warehouse.
Over here!
Xander pushes the door aside and they all hurry in.
Check if there are any other ways in!
He slides the door closed again as Angel sets Buffy back down on her feet next to Cordelia.
Just stay here.
The monsters start pounding on the door from outside. Xander picks up a large grate and sets it in front of the door on top of some barrels he's already moved into place. Buffy is holding on tightly to Cordelia.
Oh, faboo... more clinging.
Xander picks up another grate and sets it behind the first one as the monsters start to push the door open. They pound against it furiously as he tries to hold it in place.
Go!
They start running again and Xander follows when he can no longer hold the grating against the weight of the monsters. The grates fall to the floor as two monsters come in and push the barrels aside. Spike nonchalantly follows them in and looks around, leading the monsters off after them.
Ethan is on the floor, severely beaten up.
And you said the Ripper was long gone.
Tell me how to stop the spell.
Say 'pretty please'.
Giles kicks him hard in the kidney and he yells out in pain.
Spike has caught up with the group and the monsters hold Xander and Angel back as Spike slowly closes in on Buffy as she backs away, trembling.
Look at you. Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb.
Buffy has backed up against a crate and can't go any further. Spike slaps her across the face with the back of his hand.
I love it.
Angel struggles mightily with the two monsters holding him.
Buffy!
Spike wraps his left hand around her throat, bends her backward onto the crate and strokes her forehead with his right hand. Xander struggles with his two captors. Spike seizes Buffy's hair, wrenches her head back and closes in for the bite.
Giles savagely kicks Ethan again.
Now, tell me how to stop the spell.
Janus. Break the statue.
Giles grabs the statue and lifts it over his head to smash it.
Xander rips free of the monsters and punches one in the face, the other in the gut and then shoves the second monster into the first. Spike closes in on Buffy. Xander turns his attention to Spike.
Now that guy you can shoot.
Xander grabs his M-16, sighting in on Spike.
Giles slams the statue to the floor, shattering it.
Xander shoulders the rifle, but now it is merely only a toy again.
What the...
He looks around him. The monsters have all turned back into children and student escorts. The kids are frightened and begin to cry and complain.
I'm scared! I want my mommy!
Spike looks back at them and straightens up, not sure what's happening. He tries to yank Buffy to her feet by the hair and looks down in surprise at the wig in his hands. He looks back up at Buffy as she stands up and smiles at him.
Hi, honey. I'm home.
Buffy lays into Spike raining a vicious series of blows to his head and gut, sending him reeling into the wall. He grabs a length of pipe from against the wall and swings it at her. She catches it in mid-swing and whips him around into a packing crate, then smashes the rod into his jaw and jabs him in the stomach, doubling him over in pain.
You know what? It's good to be me.
She whips the pipe up into his chin from underneath. He flies back onto the crate, then slides off onto the floor.
Giles looks behind him and sees that Ethan has run off.
Buffy is through fighting. Spike gets up and snarls at her but it's all show at this point. He knows he's beaten and makes a hasty retreat.
Buffy drops the pipe and turns to the others as Xander comes over to her.
Hey, Buff. Welcome back.
Yeah! You, too.
You guys remember what happened?
It was way creepy. It's like I was there, but I couldn't get out.
Yeah, I know the feeling. This outfit's totally skintight.
She looks up at Angel as he walks past her and over to Buffy.
You okay?
Yeah.
He puts his arm around her shoulders and leads her away.
Hello? It felt like I was talking. My lips were moving and--
Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.
Well, (re: kids) I guess you better get them back to their parents.
Yeah, everybody seems to... where's Willow?
Pan down from the jack-o-lantern to Willow. She stirs and gets up, pulling the ghost sheet off. She's a bit out of breath. Suddenly she realizes how she's dressed and starts to put the sheet back on, then thinks better of it and throws it into a trashcan as she walks off the porch.
Oz is driving in his van. He pulls to a stop at an intersection and sees Willow cross the street in front of him. He watches her, entranced, as she continues on her way.
Who is that girl?
Angel is lounging on her bed. She opens the door and comes in wearing a tank top and sweatpants.
Ta-da. Just little old 20th Century me.
Sure you're okay?
I'll live.
She walks over to him and he sits up.
I don't get it, Buffy. Why'd you think I'd like you better dressed that way?
I just wanted to be a real girl for once. The kind of fancy girl you liked when you were my age.
Angel shakes his head with an ironic laugh.
What?
I hated the girls back then. Especially the noble women.
You did...?
They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone... exciting. (looks her in the eyes) Interesting.
Really? Interesting how?
You know how.
Still, I had a really hard day. You should probably tell me.
He smiles and leans closer.
You're right. I should.
Definitely.
She cradles his face in her hands. They kiss gently yet passionately.
The place has been emptied. Giles comes in the front door. He walks over to the main counter and looks around. He sees a note propped there and picks it up:
Be seeing you...