[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Bad Eggs at buffyology.com.]
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
People walk past the shops on the ground floor of the mall. Pan up past a cowboy and his girlfriend to the second level and over the railing where BUFFY and her mother are strolling along. JOYCE has a shopping bag in each hand and Buffy is wearing a small backpack.
Come on, Mom, please?
I'm sorry, honey.
Don't you understand how important this is?
It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy.
But I looked good in it.
You looked like a streetwalker.
But a thin streetwalker. (off Joyce's look) That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?
You're just too young to wear that.
Yeah, and I'm going to be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it.
That's the idea. The stores are closing and I still need to order the flyers for the opening. Okay, I'll go to the printers and then get our food, (pulls out a slip of paper) you go to the tailor and pick up my outfit from Everyday Woman.
Everyday Woman?
There's the receipt.
Why didn't you just go to Muu-Muu's R Us?
Do now, make fun of your mother later.
Buffy reluctantly starts for the tailors.
The escalators. Buffy gets on to go to the ground floor. She looks around idly as she descends. She sees the cowboy and his girlfriend come up the opposite direction. She continues looking around and notices that the cowboy's reflection is missing from the mirrors that line the escalator corridor. She looks back at the couple and he is indeed there. Immediately she turns and runs back up the escalator, weaving between the people coming down behind her.
The upper walkway. The cowboy and the girl round a corner. Buffy walks quickly to catch up.
A back hallway. Buffy slowly walks past a bank of payphones by the restrooms and looks around for them, apparently having lost them. She continues down the hall and hears a pinball machine. Reaching the rear door of the arcade she sees that the metal gate has been bent and forced open. She quietly squeezes past the gate and goes in.
The place is deserted and quiet except for the sound of the one machine. She walks around one side of a bank of game machines. We can hear the couple talking.
Turn around, baby, I have somethin' to show ya.
Wait a sec. This is my high score.
The CUTE GIRL is hammering away at the flipper controls of the pinball machine. The cowboy, LYLE GORCH, takes off his hat and moves behind the girl. He takes her hair and sweeps it away from her neck his fangs lowering toward her smooth flesh.
Well, ain't you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did see.
As he moves in for the bite, Buffy interrupts.
Boy, you guys really never come up with any new lines, do you?
The two of them look over at Buffy, annoyed.
Do you mind? We were talking here.
But you promised you'd never cheat on me again, honey.
I better go.
But I ain't done yet.
She turns to look at him and when she sees his face, gasps in fear then runs from the arcade. Lyle turns to Buffy, putting his cowboy hat back on.
All right, sugar lips. Giddy-up!
He throws a punch at Buffy but she blocks it and punches him in the face and the crotch. He holds his groin in pain and Buffy shoves him into a pinball machine. He smiles evilly at her.
Well, you're a rough one, ain't ya? I like that!
He comes at her again with a swing, which she handily blocks. He swings again and she ducks the blow. He grabs her by the arms and throws her into a pinball machine. The plate glass on the top and back panel shatter as she lands on it hard. Lyle rushes over and grabs her by the straps of her backpack.
You must be that Slayer I've been hearin' so much about. Lyle Gorch. Pleased to meet ya!
Buffy gets her legs between them and kicks him off of her. He staggers back into another machine.
Pleasure's mine!
She leaps off the pinball machine at him and he ducks and rolls out of the way. She spins around to face him and has a stake in her hand, up and ready. Lyle rolls to his feet, grabbing his hat in midair along the way. He points at her.
This ain't over!
He spins around and hightails it out of there.
Oh, sure. They say they'll call...
Buffy enters and spots her mom at a table with their food, waiting for her. Joyce stares at the food, looking bored and watching it get cold. She looks up as Buffy arrives.
Oh, bliss. Mall food.
Buffy?
Mom?
Where's my dress?
Your dr...? Oh. (winces) Oh, god.
Let me guess... you were distracted by a boy.
Technically.
Buffy...
Look, I can go get it right now.
They're closed. I'll just have to fit it in tomorrow.
Sorry.
A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?
Saving the world from vampires?
I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head.
Opening credit sequence.
The light is off. XANDER and CORDELIA are wrapped in each others' arms, passionately kissing. They talk between kisses.
Xander?
Shhh-sh-sh.
It's just that I'm worried we're going to miss class.
He reaches up for the light cord and yanks it on. They stop for a moment, out of breath.
You know what? This would work a lot better for me if you didn't talk.
Well, it'd work a lot better for me with the lights off.
She grabs the cord and yanks it. She puts her arms around him again and starts to kiss him, but Xander doesn't kiss back. He yanks the cord again and the light comes back on.
Are you saying that you can't look at me when we do... whatever it is we do?
No, it's not that I can't, it's just more... I don't want to.
That's great! That's just dandy! We're repulsed by each other, we hide from our friends...
Well, I should hope so! Please!
All in all this is not what I'd call a big self-esteem booster.
Tell me about it! (looks him over) Just look at you! And those clothes. Where did you get those shoes?
Okay, you know what? I don't need this.
Ditto! Like a hole in the head!
They both reach for the doorknob and their hands meet. They hesitate a moment, then wrap their arms around each other again and kiss even more passionately. Xander cradles her head in his hand as they slowly sink to the floor. He reaches up for the cord and gives it a good yank.
The instructor, MR. WHITMORE writes 'SEX' on the board.
S-E-X. Sex. (faces the class) The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?
Xander enthusiastically raises his hand.
Yes!
WILLOW gives him a concerned look.
That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll.
Several students giggle. Embarrassed, Xander lowers his hand.
Oh.
Cordelia looks away from him and stares down at her book.
Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves, these feelings are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones surging...
Willow is clearly nervous, dividing her attention between Xander and the teacher.
...through your bodies, compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that there are negative consequences to having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?
Cordelia raises her hand and Mr. Whitmore calls on her.
Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata at, parked at the top of the hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and--
Yeah, I was thinking of something a little more commonplace, Ms. Chase.
Xander raises his hand and Mr. Whitmore calls on him as Willow stares at him.
You wanna talk negative consequence? What about the heartbreak of halitosis? (Cordelia looks sharply at him) I mean, a girl may seem spiffy, but if she ignores her flossing the bloom is definitely off the rose.
Cordelia immediately raises her hand again. Mr. Whitmore sighs and gives her permission to speak again.
Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the Hoover technique is a big turn-on.
Willow looks back and forth between the two of them, very confused. The exchange begins to draw muffled comments from among the other students.
What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chit-chat just so you can get some touch?
Cordelia is incensed.
Now. Another consequence of sexual activity? Anyone?
Cordelia raises her hand again.
Else?
Willow raises her hand and Whitmore calls on her.
How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?
Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg! Among teens unwanted pregnancy is the number one negative consequence of sexual activity. So as discussed last week, I present you with... your offspring.
He removes a sheet from two trays of eggs.
You will split into parenting teams. You and your partner will share equally in the daily task of raising your egg. Now, please choose a partner and come pick up your children.
Willow waves at Xander but he ignores her and goes over to Cordelia. She sees him coming and immediately grabs the shirtsleeve of the boy sitting across from her to get his attention.
You want to have a baby?
Xander is disappointed. He sees another girl walk up to the second tray of eggs still on the teacher's desk and approaches her.
Hey. (chuckles) I know we just met, but isn't that Xander Jr. you're holding?
The girl giggles and smiles and turns around to walk away. Xander gives Cordelia another glance, then follows her.
Buffy walks over to the card catalog, pulls out a drawer and begins going through the cards. GILES is in the cage behind her. Xander opens the door for Willow and they walk in.
Buffy! How come you weren't in class?
Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'.
Tardy people show.
Right.
And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this.
As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
No, it's your baby!
Okay, I get it even less.
Well, you know, it's the whole 'sex leads to responsibility' thing, which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
My egg is Jewish.
Then teach it that dreidel song.
I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke.
She sets the egg down on top of the catalog, moans and quickly walks over to a book cart.
You'll do fine!
Yeah, the only thing that stresses me is when do we tell them that they're adopted?
I'll just lay that one off on my partner. (looks up, worried) Who'd I get?
Well, there were an uneven number of students and you didn't show, so...
I'm a single mother?
No man of her own.
Do you know what this says about me? That I am doomed to lead my mother's life! How deeply scary is that?
How about this: it says nothing, it means nothing, this whole egg experiment thing is completely pointless!
Success! At last. Your playmate is a fellow of repute, it seems.
He moves to set the book on top of Buffy's egg. She squeaks in fright and quickly snatches it away. Willow and Xander look on in wide-eyed surprise as Giles points out a picture in the book.
That's Lyle Gorch and that one's his brother, Tector. They're from Abilene. They made their reputation by massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886.
Friendly little demons.
That was before they became vampires.
The group reacts with surprise.
But the good news is that they're... not amongst the great thinkers of our times. I doubt if they're up to much. They're probably just drawn here by the Hellmouth's energy.
'Nuff said! I propose Buffy slays 'em. All in favor?
Aye!
I don't think you should underestimate them. I mean, you may need to have some help if... (beat) Why do you all have eggs?
Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
Yes! Yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Oh, right. I see a lot of hunting getting done in that scenario.
Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up!
Angel and Buffy are locked in a passionate kiss. Buffy breaks off.
I really...
I know.
They continue kissing. After a few seconds Buffy breaks off again.
You know, this isn't hunting in the classical sense. We should--
You're right.
They kiss some more. A few moments later they break off again.
Okay.
Okay. (kiss) Okay.
They walk side by side for a few paces.
You see anything?
No.
Okay. Enough hunting.
They continue kissing with renewed vigor. Pan away from them over to a wall among the trees. The Gorch brothers are crouched on top, watching them. TECTOR whispers to Lyle.
That the Slayer?
Yep.
Ain't that Angelus with her?
Yep.
Well, how come she ain't slayin'? And how come he's about to make me blush?
Well, I don't know, Tector. And how come you's always askin' me so many stupid questions?
So, you wanna take him or you want me to, Lyle?
I say we leave it. Wait till she's alone.
Why? You scared?
Nope. I could whip 'em both right now if I wanted to.
Then why don't ya?
'Cause I got me a plan. I'm the one that does the thinkin', 'member?
Yeah. You do the thinkin', Lyle. That is definitely your department. So why don't you tell me again why we can't kill 'em now?
Buffy enters and goes over to her bed. She sits and opens her Egg Diary. She runs down the checklist.
Okay, little egg dude. Let's see. Feeding? Check. Burping? Eeeew... check. Diapers? Sort of... in theory, I guess. Okay.
She sets the notepad down and crawls under the covers, yawns and looks at her egg in its basket on her nightstand.
Good night, Eggbert.
She taps her egg gently and then reaches up to turn off the light. She pulls up the covers and settles in to sleep.
Later that night. Pan across Buffy's stuffed animals arranged on one side of her bed, past her and over to the egg. The clock reads 2:03 and the egg is rocking back and forth. A small hole has nearly been chipped out of the shell.
The plug breaks open and a long, thin tentacle slithers out. It angles over toward Buffy and branches out into several fingers as it goes.
The tentacle from the egg moves over to Buffy. One of its fingers goes into her ear. Another one drapes itself across her left eye. A third one covers her right eye. Another goes around her neck and presumably into her other ear. The tentacles are now just lying on her face. CU: on the egg in its basket.
The Gorch brothers are relaxing and waiting out the sunlight that is visible at the end of the tunnel. Tector is having breakfast while Lyle is lies back with his feet up, face covered with his hat.
I'm tired of rat. How come we can't stay in a nice place? A motel or somethin'? Maybe... maybe one with an ice machine.
'Cause we got to keep a low profile till we get this Slayer business taken care of.
Well, how come Angelus is gettin' all cuddly with her, Lyle? I mean, does the man have no code?
Tector... you gonna be pesterin' me with these questions all damn day?
I just don't like it here. Ain't a decent whore in the whole city limits.
So, this is the thanks I get? Well. Don't I take care of ya? Didn't I near raise ya myself? Hmm? Burden that you were, maybe I shoulda left you on that doorstep when Momma blew town.
Don't say that, Lyle.
Now I'm takin' care of this.
You afraid of the girl?
I'm just playin' it safe. We're just gonna follow her around a little while, find our time. 'Cause this ain't over.
I think you are afraid of the Slayer.
All right. I'm gonna beat you like a redheaded stepchild. Throw your ass out in that sunlight. C'mon.
You think you can?
Giddy-up, son.
He adjusts his hat and coat while he waits for Tector to stand up. Tector adjusts his hat, too and smiles at his brother. He hauls back and takes the first swing, hitting Lyle squarely in the jaw. Lyle looks at his brother, nods and punches him
hard in the face. Tector has to take a couple of steps backward to keep from losing his balance.
Oh, man!
He comes back and punches Lyle in the gut. Lyle doubles over for an instant, then straightens up and gives Tector a wide smile.
Yippe-ki-yay, matey!
He throws another punch at his brother.
Pan across her stuffed animals to her sleeping face. The egg's tentacle is gone. Her alarm goes off and she wakes. She reaches out to hit the snooze button. She runs her hand through her hair, sits up and moans.
Oh... Oh, god...
She gets up out of bed. The hole in the eggshell has sealed itself.
Joyce takes a sip of her coffee and goes over to the toaster as Buffy comes in. Buffy sets her egg down on the island and walks around to where her mother was sitting. She takes the cup and sips the coffee as she sits down on the stool. Joyce brings the toast over to the island on a plate.
At least eat something if you're gonna drink that.
Not that hungry.
Joyce breaks off a piece of toast and munches it. She indicates the egg.
How's the parenting going?
Fine.
Are you sure your egg is secure in that?
Did I ask for backseat mommying?
Are we a little touchy this morning?
No, I just feel all funky.
Hmm. (feels her forehead) You don't have a fever.
Oh, no, it's not that, I just... I didn't sleep well.
What's the matter? Your egg keep you up all night?
You're killing me. Parenting's a pain!
Wait till it starts dating.
Buffy lets out an exasperated sigh, picks up her egg and leaves.
Giles is returning some books to the shelves. He walks out from behind the stacks to see Xander, Willow and Buffy looking up at him from the bottom of the steps.
Oh! Why are you three hanging about? Don't you have classes to go to?
Teen Health got canceled.
Mr. Whitmore's out. Couldn't find an egg sitter or something.
Well then, can you give me a hand?
BUFFY & WILLOW
No.
They sit down on the steps. Xander hops up the steps to the mezzanine level.
Sure!
He starts to shelve some books.
How did the... hunt go last night, Buffy?
No go.
'No' you didn't go or you were unsuccessful?
No Gorches.
Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. (to Buffy) You... Angel... big... smoochies?
Shut... up.
It's true, Buffy, you and Willow do seem a little sluggish. Are you quite sure everything's all right?
Buffy and Willow exchange a look.
Maybe something we ate.
Xander indicates the girls clutching their egg baskets.
Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood. Notice how seriously you two have taken this egg thing. While I, in turn, have, well, chosen a more balanced approach.
He takes his egg out of his shirt pocket and starts juggling it.
Xander, maybe you shouldn't--
That's exactly what I'm talking about. You can't stress over every little thing! A child picks up on that. Which is a one-way ticket to neurotic city.
He catches and tosses the egg again but misses. The girls gasp in fright as the egg hits the floor. Even Giles seems concerned, but then stares at the egg curiously. It just wobbles to a stop, unbroken.
It didn't break! (suspicious) How come it didn't break?
Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
You boiled your young?
Yeah! I know it sounds cruel but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now.
Xander reaches down for the egg and picks it up.
Technically that would be cheating, yes?
He reaches up to put a book on a high shelf. We see an egg sitting in the shadowed recesses of the shelf.
No! It's like a short cut. You know, when you run a race?
That would also be cheating.
You should be ashamed.
I suppose there is a sort of... Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
I resent that! (off Giles' look) Or possibly thank you.
Cordelia enters the library.
Figures you three would all be hanging in the dungeon while something major's going on at Sunnydale High.
And what would that be, Cordelia? Barrette Appreciation Day?
Mr. Whitmore didn't show today.
That news is of the past.
He's missing? Presumed dead?
Presumed by whom?
Well, me!
I think we should give him a few hours before we give up on him completely.
Well, I think we should look around, don't you Xander?
It can wait.
Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere.
Xander looks at the others questioningly.
So we should check some closets to see if he's in a closet?
Xander finally clues in.
You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go. (to Buffy & Willow) You guys look for more clues. We'll meet back here.
He takes Cordelia by the arm and guides her out of the library.
We'll get right on it.
Are they getting weirder? Have you noticed the weirdness of them?
They're weird. (to Giles) Should I have guilt about not looking for Mr. Whitmore?
I'd rather you conserve your strength for hunting the Gorches.
I'll be fine by tonight. Maybe I'll sweep the cemetery?
Well, be careful, if you're still feeling a little sluggish.
No worries.
And Angel's helping you, right?
He does what he can.
Buffy and Angel are engaged in a passionate kissing session once again. She suddenly breaks off.
As much as I hate to say this, we should really go kill bad guys.
It's late. You should really get home. Hmm?
What about the Gorches?
I'll hunt.
Really? (pulls back and smiles) You'd do that?
Not like I have an early day tomorrow.
Mmm, true. I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary.
Your what?
Oh, I told you, that faux parenting gig we're doing at school. Like I'm really planning to have kids anytime soon. Maybe someday, in the future, when I'm done having a life, but... right now kids would be just a little too much to deal with.
I wouldn't know. I don't... well, you know, I can't.
Oh. (looks away) That's okay... I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the telephone company or volunteer for the Red Cross or... have little vampires.
So you don't think about the future?
No.
Never?
No.
You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you! All I want is you.
I know the feeling.
He reaches down to kiss her. He finds her lips and she responds. They kiss more and more passionately. Pan away from them and across a gravestone that reads 'In Loving Memory'.
The NIGHT WATCHMAN is making his rounds, checking doors. He looks around and sees the door to the basement standing ajar, and go to check it out. He opens it wider, looks in and enters.
The watchman heads down the steps making no attempt to be quiet. The doors to the boiler room are open and he steps in.
He tries the light switch but it doesn't work.
Hello? Is anybody in here?
He pulls out his Maglite, turns it on and continues into the room. The lights on the boiler controls are active and the fires are burning. Just past the boilers he sees a huge hole in the concrete wall behind a pile of stacked barrels and boxes. He slowly walks over to the stack with his flashlight held over his shoulder like a bat, lighting the way but ready to swing if need be. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, he puts his Maglite down and pushes aside the stack of boxes. He can see the hole clearly now as well as the tunnel continues beyond it. He picks up his flashlight again and steps up to look through the hole.
Behind him, Mr. Whitmore suddenly appears holding a pick and slams him across the back with it. He falls through the hole, unconscious. Mr. Whitmore climbs through the hole after the watchman.
Buffy climbs in through the window to find her egg rocking in its basket. It immediately grabs her attention. She stares at it a second, and then moves over to it.
As she bends down to look closer at it, the shell cracks open revealing a purplish- gray tentacled creature curled up inside. It jumps out at her and she reacts instantly. It misses her, lands on the floor and quickly crawls under her bed.
Buffy is stunned, but quickly regains her composure and reaches down into her wicker laundry basket for her iron. She stands back up and looks at the darkness under her bedspread. Slowly she approaches her bed and kneels down. She quickly raises the spread and looks underneath with the iron held ready to smash anything that might come at her. Nothing. She stands back up and scans her room. Whatever it was, it's nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly the creature falls onto her shoulder from above. It tries to crawl down her back but she grabs it and flings it off. It crawls quickly behind her desk and along the wall past her bookcase toward her bed. She looks for a different weapon and takes a pair of scissors from her desk.
The creature has disappeared again. She approaches her bed with the scissors held ready. Behind her the hatchling crawls silently up the wall. Nevertheless, Buffy senses it and spins around, stabbing it dead center. She pulls it off of the wall,
impaled on the scissors, and slams it to the floor. She steps on its tail to hold it down while she stabs it several more times. Satisfied that it's dead, the reality of the situation hits her and she drops the scissors and backpedals to cower against her bed, repulsed. Her next thought is to call Willow. She frantically grabs for her phone on the nightstand and knocks it and the clock to the floor. She takes the receiver and nervously taps in the numbers.
Come on! Pick up!
Hello?
Willow! Are you okay?
Why shouldn't I be?
Your egg! Is it doing anything?
Doing what?
Break it. Right now. I want you to smash it with something heavy!
Buffy, what...
My egg! It went... it went postal on me! The thing hatched and it sprung this creepy-crawly thing and it attacked me.
Are you okay?
Yeah, no, I'm fine, but your egg!
Is totally normal. I put it in the fridge.
Oh.
Maybe it's a trap. Something the Gorch bothers planted for you?
Maybe. Yeah... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you. Go back to sleep.
You sure?
Yeah! Yeah, I'm better. I'm fine.
Okay. I'll see ya tomorrow.
Buffy lowers the phone and turns it off.
Willow puts her phone back in its cradle. Next to the phone, we see a broken and empty eggshell, covered with a grayish-blue slime. CU on Willow's face as she stares blankly off into space.
Buffy puts her phone and its cradle back on her nightstand behind her clock. It's 2:45 AM. She starts as the door opens and her mother comes in.
What's going on in here?
Thinking quickly Buffy grabs the cloth from the egg basket and lays it over the dead creature.
Buffy, who are you talking to at this ho...?
Buffy scrambles to her feet and faces her mother, eyes wide with surprise.
Why are you dressed? Where exactly do you think you're going at this hour of the night?
Nowhere.
Who was that on the phone?
Willow. She wasn't feeling well today so I was just calling to make sure she was feeling better.
Joyce doesn't buy it.
You're gonna have to do much better than that, young lady.
I had a bad dream?
Oh, no, you're about to have a bad dream! A dream that you are grounded for the rest of your natural life.
Joyce's Jeep pulls to a stop in front of the school.
Which means: no after school socializing, no Bronze, no nothing. Not until I say so. Do you understand?
Yeah, but I think you're--
Now, school ends at 2:30. I want you to go to the library at 2:33 and study until I pick you up there at 5:30. Understood?
Yeah.
Good. Have a nice day.
Buffy undoes her seatbelt, grabs her backpack and gets out of the car. She closes the door behind her and pulls on the backpack as she watches her mother drive off, then climbs the stairs toward the school. She approaches Cordelia who is sporting a teddy bear backpack.
Nice bear. Listen is your--
Hey, I'll have you know that my father brought this bear back from Gstaad years ago. Then all of a sudden these trendoids everywhere started sporting them. So I'm totally not wearing it. Then I thought, hey, I'm the one who started this nationwide craze! What am I ashamed of?
Okay, Soliloquy Girl, I just wanted to ask about your egg.
My egg?
Yeah. Your egg. The one Mr. Whitmore gave you.
It's in my bear.
So your egg isn't acting odd or anything?
It isn't acting anything. It's an egg, Buffy, it doesn't emote. (spots a friend) Shanisse! Is that your real hair?
Buffy watches her run off. After a moment, Willow puts a hand on Buffy's shoulder and she turns to face her.
Hey!
Hi!
Xander munching on a candy bar. He looks down at it as he chews hard.
Mmm. Cardboardy!
He sits on a wall and discards the rest of the candy bar. He opens his satchel and digs through it for his egg. He pulls it out, looks at it and lets out a sigh.
Sorry, Junior, but a man's gotta eat.
He taps the egg a few times on the wall next to him and then rolls it back and forth under his hand.
Buffy and Willow walking across the grass toward Xander. Behind them Cordelia catches up as she looks through a book.
So was there any more hatchling activity last night?
No. You were probably right. It was just a trap from them set for me. (re: Cordelia) And everyone else's egg seemed perfectly normal.
Did you bring the thing that attacked you.
Yeah. Giles wants to see it. He's in full research mode.
Okay. Well, bring it to the science lab and I'll get Giles and we'll analyze it.
Pan around them and focuses on Willow's lower back.
Great. You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy... is like a day without sunshine.
Reveal a creature just like the one Buffy killed attached to Willow's back under her shirt.
Xander smiles and nods at the girls when he sees them coming.
Hey.
He holds up the egg, ready to take a bite. We see another purplish-gray creature still inside, boiled to death. Xander sees it as he's about to bite into the egg and freaks out. He screams and tosses the egg away from him.
The hatchling is laid out in a dissection tray. Xander taps his fingers on the table as he and Buffy look at it.
Can I just say gyughhh!
I see your 'gyughhh!' and raise you a nyaghhh!
What is it?
We don't know what it is, Cordelia. That's why we're here. Capisce?
'Capisce'? What are you, world traveler now?
Willow comes into the lab.
Hey, where's Giles? I know he won't want to miss this.
He said to get started. He'll be by as soon as possible.
So, okay. Get started, Buffy! Dissect it or something.
Me? Why do I have to dissect it?
Because you're the Slayer?
And I slayed! My work here is done.
She puts the scalpel on the table in front of Xander.
Oh, no, I almost ate one of those things. I think I've fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade.
Guys...
She takes the scalpel and starts the dissection. CU: Cordelia's to her bear.
Do we even know what to look for? I mean, how are we supposed to figure out what this thing is?
The bear's right eye pops out and a tentacle emerges.
Turn it over. Maybe we missed its ID bracelet.
The bear's left eye pops out and another tentacle emerges.
So now I guess we know what happened to Mr. Whitmore.
He saw this and ran away?
Try best case scenario.
It's possible that Mr. Whitmore wasn't harmed. Maybe the offspring simply used him to return to the mother bezoar.
Cordelia leans over to pick something up.
Yeah. Maybe he... (to Willow) What?
Cordelia straightens back up wielding a metal bar like a baseball bat.
What's a bez--
Cordelia hits Buffy in the face with the bar, knocking her down and out cold.
Cordy! What--
Willow picks up a microscope and hits Xander over the head, knocking him unconscious as well.
It's pitch dark inside. Willow opens the door and she and Cordelia drag Xander through the door. They heave him in and he falls to the floor. They step out to let two boys drag Buffy in as well and they let her drop unceremoniously. They leave the closet and Willow closes and locks the door.
Willow opens the double doors and walks in. Cordelia follows her, leading a line of students. Willow walks up to a post where a couple of dozen picks, axes, hoes and shovels are kept. She grabs a pickaxe and heads back out the door. Cordelia takes a hoe and follows. Student after student, and even an occasional teacher, grabs a digging tool and follows Willow.
The line of students, led by Willow, comes down the stairs and heads into the boiler room. One by one they step though the hole in the wall and follow the tunnel down. Mr. Whitmore is standing by the hole keeping guard.
Joyce enters and looks around.
Buffy? Hello?
Giles pokes his head out of the cage.
Hello?
Oh! Mr. Giles, hi. I was looking for Buffy. She was supposed to wait for me here.
Well, she hasn't been in. I've been waiting to talk to her myself about... history texts.
That is just the last straw!
I'm sure she didn't mean to--
She never means to but somehow she always manages to anyway. Do you have children, Mr. Giles? (whispers) Should I be whispering?
No. (speaks) And no, I haven't any children. Although, sometimes I feel as though I do, working here.
They can be such a... oh, I don't want to say 'burden' but... actually I kind of do want to say 'burden'!
Feel free!
Oh, they're just so irresponsible.
Sometimes.
Joyce notices the books lying on the catalog.
Bristow's Demon Index... Hell's Offspring...?
A hobby of mine but having nothing to do with Buffy in any way.
He takes the books into the cage, stows them on a shelf and then comes back out.
You say Buffy told you that she'd be here all afternoon?
Well, yes. Is something wrong?
Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. (re: noise in the hall) What was that?
Probably the janitor.
As she turns to the door to look, Giles takes a hatchling out of the card catalog drawer and sets it on Joyce's back. She screams as she tries to reach around to the thing on her back and falls to the floor. Giles stares blankly off into space.
Giles and Joyce walk of the library staring blankly ahead and join the line of students and teachers heading for the basement.
Buffy regains consciousness and reaches up for the light string and gives it a yank. She takes a quick look around and then looks down at Xander, still out cold on the floor.
Hey! Xander! (slaps his cheek) Hey! You all right?
Xander wakes, moans and blinks his eyes.
Last time Cordy dragged me in here it was a lot nicer.
What?
Huh? Nothing. Crazy talk. Head trauma.
Tell me about it. I'm gonna have a big bump.
I'm going to have a peninsula! What the hell's goin' on? Cordy and Willow?
Something to do with the hatchlings, I'm sure of it.
She tries the door but finds it locked.
What, are they possessed?
I don't know. But they sure wanted us out of the way.
Well, why not kill us? Why drag us in here?
Buffy spots two eggs on the floor. Xander follows her gaze. One of them is rocking.
Oh. Bad now.
Buffy looks around for something heavy and sees a toolbox. She lifts it off the shelf, raises it over her head and smashes it onto the two eggs. A dark blue slime squirts out around the toolbox. Then she kicks open the door.
Thank you.
He moans and follows her out.
Buffy and Xander rush in.
Giles!
They look around but the place is deserted.
He must be out somewhere.
Well, he picked a helluva time to get a life.
What are we going to do?
We can't fight these things until we know something about 'em.
All right, Willow said something... a name. What was it?
A bozo! Not a bozo.
A bezoar.
That's it! Okay, so now... we look it up?
In what?
A book?
They look over at the counter where there are several books lying open and go over to them.
Giles said he was gonna try to find something...
She takes the book on top and find it open to a picture of a disk-shaped, tentacled monster.
And I'd say he found something.
Xander moves around her to have a look himself and steps on an eggshell.
I'd say something found him.
Giles and Joyce lead a line of students to the hole and step through.
They head down the tunnel and emerge in another room deeper underground. Giles takes a crowbar handed to him by Mr. Whitmore, who has a box of new bezoar eggs in his arm.
Pan across the room, past Cordelia wiping off eggs being handed to her from below, to Willow pounding on the concrete floor with a sledgehammer. Joyce takes a hoe held out to her by the night watchman. She starts banging it on the floor as the watchman goes back to his post.
CU on the floor. A large chunk has broken off and appears to be floating. Willow and Joyce keep pounding on it and break it up into smaller pieces. A student pulls an egg from between some of the larger gaps in the floor. He hands it up to
Cordelia, who wipes it off in a towel and hands it to Mr. Whitmore, who places it in a wooden box filled with wood shavings and eggs. CU: on an even larger hole in the floor where the concrete has already been removed. The pink flesh of the mother bezoar's body is visible as it throbs and pulses.
Buffy reads aloud from the book.
'Pre-pre-historic parasite. The mother hibernates underground, laying eggs. The offspring then attach themselves to a host, taking control of their motor functions through neural clamping.'
'Neural clamping.' That sounds skippable.
So our people are taking orders from the mama bezoar. Which begs the question...
What does mama want?
Panicked screaming from the hall.
Somebody help me!
They run out to help.
JONATHAN struggles with a hatchling on his back and falls to the floor, screaming.
Get this thing off me! Get this... somebody help me! Help!
Buffy and Xander run out the door in time to see Jonathan stand back up.
Are you okay?
I'm fine. I slipped.
He turns and heads down the hall. Buffy and Xander exchange a look.
I think I hear mommy calling.
Uh-huh.
They follow Jonathan down the hall.
Jonathan walks in and heads straight for the hole. Buffy and Xander peek in and, seeing no one else, follow him in. Around the corner from the boilers they see Jonathan climb through the hole and head down the tunnel.
Do we really want to go in there?
We really don't.
But they take a deep breath and make for the hole. Buffy climbs in and looks back at Xander before continuing down the tunnel.
Careful.
He starts through but trips and falls into the tunnel.
The digging and egg gathering activity continues. Jonathan walks in and behind him Buffy and Xander peek into the room.
What are they diggin' up?
Buffy sees the pink mother bezoar in the pit.
Oh, boy.
She notices Cordelia handing Mr. Whitmore an egg.
We can't let them spread those eggs.
I'll handle it. Can you hold down the fort?
I'm gonna need a weapon. I'm gonna need a big weapon.
Yeah.
Buffy heads back up the tunnel to see what she can find in the way of a weapon. Xander starts walking into the room staring blankly ahead. Giles hands him a chunk of concrete to carry away. He takes it and drops it off to the side. Cordelia and another student start into a utility tunnel with a box of eggs. Xander follows them.
Buffy steps through the hole back into the boiler room and looks around for anything that might be of use. She spots several scrap pieces of pipe and grabs the largest one. The Gorch brothers appear and stand right behind her. She spins around to face them.
I told you this weren't over.
She's so cute. And little. Think we can keep her?
Guys, this really isn't a great time.
Oh, it's gonna be.
Buffy jams the pipe into both their faces and then into Lyle's gut. Tector punches her and she stumbles toward the hole but turns around and kicks him in the chest, sending him back into some metal shelves.
All right! That's my brother!
He charges Buffy and grabs her. They go flying through the hole and into the tunnel.
Buffy and Lyle come tumbling out of the tunnel and onto the floor. They both quickly get up and face off but Lyle is distracted by all the activity.
What the hell is this?
Buffy sees her mother with a pick digging next to Willow.
Mom?
Joyce and Willow look up at her.
Kill them.
Several students advance on Buffy and Lyle. She kicks and gets two of them as Lyle ducks a swing from a man with a shovel. Another hits him in the back, knocking him to the floor. Buffy follows up her kick with two more and then sidesteps Giles as he swings his crowbar at her. He stumbles past her and into the wall behind her. Lyle backhands another one as Buffy pushes a boy with a pick away from her and follows up with a kick to his head, flipping him over backward. Giles comes at her again from behind, and she grabs him and shoves him into the next attacker. Lyle punches a girl and she spins away and Buffy kicks another one in the gut.
What the hell is goin' on?!
He punches another student as Buffy kicks still another.
Long story.
Lyle hits a boy over the head with a chunk of concrete. The students have all been knocked back, so Lyle turns his attention back to Buffy. He smiles at her and takes a swing. She ducks it and punches him in the gut and face. He swings again and she ducks again. His momentum spins him around and she kicks him in the back. Now the students start coming again, forcing Buffy and Lyle to divert the focus of their attack.
Cordelia and the other student turn a corner and walk down a side tunnel. Xander follows them a short distance behind. The far end of the tunnel appears to exit onto a body of water. Xander comes up behind the student and shoves him into the wall, knocking him out. Cordelia turns and sets the box down and casually takes a swing at Xander. He ducks and moves around her, blocking her access to the water and holding his hands out in front of him.
Cordelia! I don't want to hurt you. Some of the time.
When she doesn't make another move against him he bends down to pick up the box. Cordelia punches down at his head. Xander stands back up and yells out in pain and frustration, trying to restrain himself.
That's my bump!
He realizes he has no other choice and punches her. She spins around and falls unconscious to the floor. He raises his hands in regret.
Buffy and Lyle continue to fight the students coming at them. Lyle gets hit and staggers into the wall. Buffy kicks one. Tector finally shows up at the tunnel mouth and rubs his hands together.
Well, all right!
He spits into both hands, ready to fight, but then he notices the mother bezoar and walks over to the edge of the pit and looks in.
Well, looky there!
He bends over the pit for a better look and the mother bezoar opens its eye and looks up at him.
Well, hello!
Mama sends up a tentacle and wraps it around his neck. He begins to choke as he struggles desperately. He lose and falls into the pit. Buffy and Lyle watch it happen, stunned.
Tector!
Tector's boots disappear into the pit.
Tector?
The bezoar lets out a deep, loud belch. Lyle looks over at Buffy.
This is all your fault!
How?
Lyle takes her by the shoulder and flips her over onto her back. Joyce comes up to her and swings her pick at her own daughter. Buffy rolls out of the way but her feet end up over the bezoar's pit. Mama wraps a tentacle around her ankles and pulls her in. Buffy grabs Joyce's pick and drags it in with her.
As Buffy and the mother bezoar begin to fight, the digging in the room comes to a stop. The students and teachers gather around the pit and watch. Slashing sounds and bezoar screams emanate from the pit. Lyle steps closer for a better look.
The bezoar lets out a final dying scream and its eye closes for good. The hatchlings all fall from their hosts and the students and adults all collapse to the
floor unconscious. Lyle is suddenly the only person awake in the room. He slowly moves closer to the pit, looking around at all the prone bodies. He cautiously steps to the edge and looks in. The pick comes flying out and lands on the floor next to him. He quickly backpedals as a slime-covered hand shoots out of the pit, followed by another. Buffy pulls herself up and out, streaked with goo. She stands up and faces Lyle. He can't believe his eyes. He nods and tips his hat.
All right. It's over.
He turns and hightails it out of there. Buffy just watches him go.
Several students walk out, dirty and dazed. Giles tries to calm them with an explanation, but is himself confused as he makes his way over to Xander, Willow and Cordelia. Fire trucks and police can be heard approaching.
Yes, yes, it was a gas leak, everyone. Well, just get some air and a... good night's rest, you know. You'll be fine. These gas things... will happen. (to Xander) What was it really?
Stick with the gas thing. I'll fill you in tomorrow.
Right.
How you guys doing?
Did I really hit you?
You knocked me out.
Did I hit you?
Yes, everyone hit me.
Good. Well, I don't mean 'good' because I hit you but I didn't want to be left out.
Xander sees Buffy approaching and goes over to her. She has washed up and changed clothes.
How is she?
She's a bit confused, but it's goin' around.
He nods in the direction of her mother and Buffy starts toward her. They meet halfway and clasp hands.
Are you okay?
Buffy, I was worried you'd gotten caught in the building. There was a gas leak.
Yeah, I just heard. I was in the gym.
I went looking for you in the library.
Oh well, I was on my way there when I--
I thought I made it pretty clear that you weren't to leave the library until I came.
The other side of that is there was a gas leak and--
Well, I'm not really interested in the other side right now. Young lady, you have to learn some responsibility, okay? Once and for all.
I'm grounded?
You're already grounded.
Oh, yeah.
Until further notice you are confined to your room. You will not leave your room at any time except to go to school or the bathroom. Am I making myself clear?
You're clear. I won't leave my room.
You're damn right, you won't.
She stalks off angrily and Buffy follows a moment later.
CU of Buffy and Angel kissing.
Are you sure you're not going to get in trouble?
Hey, I earned this. (kiss) Besides, I'm not breaking any rules.
Pulls back to reveal Buffy is inside her room at her window with Angel standing outside on the roof.
Buffy? Are you going to bed?
In a minute!
She turns back to Angel and smiles as they continue kissing.