[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Living Conditions at buffyology.com.]
BUFFY and KATHY relax in their dorm room. Kathy is ironing her jeans; Buffy reads a CD jewel case. Cher's Believe plays on Kathy's portable stereo-- much to Buffy's dismay. Kathy, on the other hand, seems excessively excited by the song.
Wow, this music is so... so...
I know. This song is super fun. Isn't it?
You bet. It just gets funner and funner every time you play it.
Buffy takes a jacket from her closet.
Going out?
Yeah. I'm seriously caffeine deprived. Figure I'd head down to The Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some studying.
Oh. It's late... won't you be up all night?
Oh, yeah, but it's cool. I'm sort of an 'up' kind of night person. I mentioned that right?
I guess I just didn't realize you'd be coming and going at all hours. Well, not that I mind. I'm just surprised.
I'll be quiet as a mouse, I promise. Okay.
She starts toward the door but Kathy stops her.
Oh! Say, Buffy. I wanted to show you this little system I implemented.
Kathy goes over to the nightstand between their beds and gets a small notepad and a pen.
Oh, goody... system.
Just log every call you make in here and that way when the bill comes, it won't be a problem. I figure, stitch in time...
...catches the worm.
Kathy cheerfully gives her a thumbs-up.
You bet. Okay, then.
Buffy turns to go but again stops at Kathy's behest.
Also... I noticed that some of my milk was missing. Did you...
Oh! Yeah, actually, I did. I meant to--
No! It's totally okay, I was just wondering.
Yeah, I was making my coffee and I just...
Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure that we didn't have a thief or something.
The song ends and Kathy immediately restarts it.
Like who? Sid the wily Dairy Gnome?
I don't know, it's no big deal. Please, feel free.
Okay, I'm really sorry. I have to...
She moves toward the door for the third time.
Have a good time.
Yeah, you too. With ironing.
Buffy finally manages to escape.
Buffy and WILLOW walk along a wooded path.
So you had trouble getting past Kathy?
Yep. She made big with the questions.
And you thought your days of sneaking out of your room were over.
No such luck. Kathy's nice and all but she's... she's sort of... I don't know, like, Mini-Mom of Momdonia. Wait. (looks around) Did you just hear something?
I'm chewing my gum kinda loud.
That's not it.
My sneakers are squeaky.
I'm looking for something lurky here, Will.
Oh. (beat) Sorry, no.
They start walking again.
Darn, I could use a little play tonight. Listening to the best of VH-1 all day sort of put me on edge.
Oh, Kathy's still spinnin' the divas?
Buffy looks at Willow and adopts a perky Kathy voice.
"'Cause it's the funnest!" Well, no big. College is a time of change, right? I bet before too long, she'll be trip-hoppin' all over the place.
Yeah! I mean, this whole dorm thing is just an adjustment we need to make, you know? I mean, my roomie is kind of challenging too.
And what are we if not women up to a challenge?
Exactly! I mean, did we not put the 'grr' in girl?
They come to a branch in the path.
Well, here's where I get off.
Say 'hey' to Oz for me.
Happy hunting.
Wish me monsters.
Willow makes an 'ick' gesture and walks away. Buffy walks on, oblivious to the hooded, orange-skinned demon with glowing green eyes watching her from the underbrush.
Opening credit sequence.
Buffy, walking along the path, hears a furtive noise.
Will? (beat) All right, why don't you quit hiding and come out and face me like a... thing.
Kathy runs up with a bounce in her step.
Hey, I caught you.
Is everything okay?
Oh, everything's super. I just decided a decaf latté sounded like heaven after all.
So you're coming along?
Why not? This way you won't have to walk these spooky paths alone.
Kathy skips on ahead of her.
Great! (sotto) That's just great.
This is neat, isn't it? The fresh air, the trees, the smell of--
Buffy hears the growl of something rushing them and shoves Kathy into the bushes where she lands dazed in the dirt.
A demon charges her, swinging a club. Buffy expertly avoids the attack and counters with a quick but powerful series of blows.
Kathy struggles to her knees in the underbrush.
As Buffy dodges, parries and counterattacks, the demon realizes she's more than a match for him and runs off.
Kathy climbs out of the bushes and Buffy moves to help her.
What the blizzard was that all about?
He um... tried to take my backpack.
What were you thinking, taking him on like that?
Oh I... don't know. I guess I panicked.
I mean, it's just you could of gotten hurt or something. (looks down) And look at my sweater, it's ruined!
Yeah, sorry about that. Here, we'll go get you cleaned up.
They head back the way they came.
In the bushes, the demon watches them go. He is joined by another just like him and they speak in their demon language.
[She may be the one.]
[We have to be sure. Follow her.]
[As you wish.]
A fountain, burbles quietly as Buffy goes through GILES' mail.
Boring... boring... bill... bill...
Giles runs down the stairs wearing exercise clothes complete with sneakers. He's panting.
Hello.
You run?
And jump. And bend. And occasionally frolic.
Okay, and what's with the Motorbike and Scooter magazine?
Congratulations, you've found me out. I'm a mod jogger.
Okay, you're not having one of those mid-life things, are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.
Buffy!
Sorry. Demon. Last night. Made with the pummeling, but he got away.
What sort of demon?
Had a cloak on and glowy green eyes and skin had like a super- bad fake rub-on tan.
Translate?
Orangey?
Thank you. Anything else?
My roommate Kathy was there but she didn't see anything.
You took your roommate patrolling with you?
Well I invited the whole dorm but she was the only one that could make it. (off Giles' look) I told her I was going for coffee and she decided to tag along.
Right. Well we should discourage her from that habit. From what you described, I'm not familiar with the creature, but I'll look into it and give you a ring when I've found something.
He starts to head inside.
You know, it's nice out here.
Yes, I take my tea out here sometimes.
What are you doing today?
It's a big day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired an original Gutenberg Demonography... and it's suddenly occurred to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which leads me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself.
That's not true. I ask about you all the time. (off his look) Okay, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it.
And it's appreciated. Which doesn't explain why you're hanging around here instead of rushing off as usual.
It's no big. I just figured I'd hang here-- you know-- until my roommate goes to class.
Ah, I see.
I know, it's probably just me having a bitch attack. But it's not... me.
Buffy, living with somebody is never easy. Especially for an only child.
Giles, listen to me, okay? When she sharpens her pencils, she measures them with a ruler to make sure they're all the same size.
Which is fussy, I agree, but everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them.
Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?
Something like that.
Okay. You know what? You're right. Take a mental pic: this is the new Buffy. Kinder, gentler... roommate extraordinaire.
Kathy tries, without much luck, to get the stain out of her sweater. She bends down to straighten the corner of a throw rug. She gives up on her sweater and looks over at Buffy's closet, considering. She walks over to the closet and opens it and, after perusing Buffy's clothes for a moment, she picks out a sweater. While looking it over, Kathy notices Buffy's weapons satchel. She opens it and takes out a pistol-grip crossbow and a wooden cross. She pauses for a moment, examining them, then shrugs and puts them back as if unimpressed by the oddity of finding such things in an 18-year-old girl's dorm closet.
Buffy takes a tray and moves to the end of the line. She notices Kathy and quickly brings the tray up to hide her face. She ducks into the line in front of PARKER ABRAMS, an impishly handsome upperclassman. He takes a quick peek behind him, then turns back to Buffy.
Ex-boyfriend or loan shark?
Excuse me?
The person you're hiding from.
Oh... both. Ugly breakup. I'm sorry, I just cut you--
No, stay... stay. I'll watch your back. Freshman, huh?
Is it that obvious?
There are signs. For instance, people who've been around for awhile know how to use their dining hall card.
It's not for food?
Work it right and you can get three meals worth, which equals fewer punch cards used annually.
And more cash from dad which you get to keep for yourself?
Right! The goal is to polish off as much as humanly possible at one sitting-- enough to get you through the rest of the day if necessary-- while chipmunking items for future consumption.
Ah, got it.
Excess dry goods fit nicely in a backpack or your pocket. The wetter items-- macaronies, your turkey loaf-- then you're into Ziplocks. It's not for beginners.
I'll just take it slow.
They reach the cashier and hand over their cards for payment. Buffy looks over and sees Willow, XANDER and OZ seated at a nearby table and Willow waves her over.
So...
So those are my... are you...?
Oh, no. I have someone waiting. Otherwise I'd... hey! Parker Abrams. (they shake) I'm at Kresge Hall.
Buffy Summers, Stevenson.
Okay, well, I'll see you around Buffy Summers of Stevenson.
See ya, Parker Abrams.
Buffy goes over to the gang's table and sits.
Hey, say hi to non-college guy.
Not that I mind, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?
Usually. I just thought I'd come around and check on my girls.
And eat off my plate.
What's the deal Xand? Parents not feeding you?
Sure they do... for a price.
So spill! What was that all about with the cutie patootie?
I don't know... nothing serious, I think. Just random adorableness.
Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta.
Gotta respect the drive-by.
Low rejection, fond memories.
It looked like more than that to me. He got all googly-eyed.
That's because he got hit by the Buffinator. Now he's powerless.
You think?
No question. He'll be back.
So what else is up with the Buff? Any vamp action?
No. I did get jumped by a demon of non-specific origin last night.
Yeah? Something apocalypsey? Do we need to assemble the Scooby Gang?
No but thank you for asking.
I just got way too excited, didn't I?
You just need to get out of the basement a little more there, Xand.
Kathy bounces up and sets her tray on the table. She pulls up a chair, pushing up next to Willow.
Hi, everybody. Squeeze in.
You all know my roomie, Kathy?
Hi.
Hey, Kath.
Is that my sweater?
I didn't think you'd mind. I mean, you got mine all muddy.
I was saving you from a--
Bear!
Mugger.
It's not a problem, is it? I mean, I figured we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything.
No, it's... it's fine. I just wish you'd asked.
So where're you from, Kathy?
Nebraska, originally.
She picks up a big, sloppy hamburger from her tray.
Ahh, yes. Big sky country.
Kathy bites into her sandwich and Buffy's senses intensify, focusing in on a blob of ketchup oozing out of the hamburger. She watches as it drops onto her sweater. Buffy's eyes narrow with repressed anger.
Buffy talks with Willow on the phone. The window at the head of her bed is open.
I mean, can you believe her? First she acts like she has sit privileges at my lunch table just because some computer decided to make us cellmates.
I'm sure it's not easy for her. She's not like you. She doesn't know anybody here.
Fine. But what about my sweater? You can't believe the stuff that I have to put up with.
The walls shake from the thrash metal beating of a party next door. Willow looks at the wall in exasperation.
Yeah, I guess it's hard... but I'm sure the sweater thing was an accident.
A Nerf football hits her in the head.
I don't know, Will... I don't think I can take another day of this. I think she's just coming back from the bathroom. I'll call you back.
Kathy bounces into the room, sits on her bed and starts flossing her teeth.
Don't forget to log those calls.
Buffy takes an apple out of her backpack and heads over to the refrigerator. While she's up, Kathy gets up and closes the window. Buffy opens the fridge and sees that Kathy has almost completely filled it, labeling everything with her name, even writing 'Kathy' on each of the dozen boiled eggs. Buffy squeezes the apple into the last remaining space on the door, closes it and turns around to see the window
is now closed. She goes over and opens it again and sits back down on her bed. Kathy finishes flossing and picks up a paperback book from the nightstand. There is gum stuck to it and the table.
Ewww! Who left their gum here?
Gum gnome?
It wasn't me! It had to be somebody, Buffy!
Buffy swallows her gum.
I don't know.
Kathy slams the book down and turns off her bedside light. Buffy turns off her own light, lays down, pulling the covers over herself, and falls asleep. She dreams of a demon very much like the one she fought, holding her down, poring blood in her mouth, putting a scorpion on her bare skin and drawing a light, gossamer substance out of Buffy's mouth and into it's own.
She awakens with a start. Kathy is staring at her with disgust from across the room.
Do you always make that noise when you sleep?
Buffy, Giles, Willow and Oz sit in the comfortable, padded chairs in the lounge.
So then after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. And the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy, staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.
Well, actually, the worst part? I'd have to go with the demon poring the blood down your throat.
Me too. I would vote for that too.
But that's just a dream and this Kathy thing is real. All she cared about was that her precious sleep had been disturbed.
Kathy walks up behind Giles.
Perhaps it would be more productive to examine your dreams, determine their meaning.
You can read dreams? Neat.
Giles, Kathy. Kathy, Giles.
He's our grown-up friend. Not in a creepy way.
Nice to meet you, Kathy.
Ditto. Maybe you could read the dream I had last night? There was like this monster and he sat on me and did all this stuff to me.
Stuff like scorpions and Bloody Mary minus the Mary?
That's it! How'd you know?
Well, I'm a good guesser.
Me too and I'm guessing that you need to be on your way to class. Right, Kath?
Uh-oh... sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Uh-oh... and guess what? You were next to it.
You know, I do need to dash. My whole schedule is off because someone kept me up all night. Well, it's been fun. Toodles.
Buffy watches her go, seething.
Toodles.
You know what this means?
Yes. Not only does she take my sweater but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch. Oh, I haven't even gotten to the floss.
Buffy, focus, please? If Kathy and you are having the same nightmares, chances are something happened to you both when you met the demon in the woods.
So we need to figure out if this ritual they're dreaming about has some special use or meaning.
Buffy gathers her things and stands.
Cool, you guys can do the brain thing. I'm going to go to class.
Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
Not when you're minoring in Napping 101.
After Buffy's gone, Willow looks over at Oz, concerned.
Okay, so that was the evil twin, right? 'Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.
Well, she's definitely pushing the stress meter on this Kathy thing.
I concur she's not herself but, you know, learning to live with someone can be a challenge.
And she hasn't been sleeping.
Right, then. Nothing to get too concerned about. Still, let me know if she...
Hits the red zone?
Yes.
The two demons huddle around a fire in the forest.
We were correct. She is the one.
Good. I have prepared for the summoning of the great one, Taparrich.
They remove their hoods and face the fire, chanting.
Buffy returns to her dorm room. She pauses at the door for a moment when she hears Cher's Believe playing again. With a sigh, she opens the door and goes in.
Parker lies on Kathy's bed with Kathy sitting next to him, laughing and talking.
Lots of popular artists don't get their dues. Madonna? Whitney?
That's so totally true.
Parker?
Parker gets up and goes to Buffy.
Hey, I just dropped by to say... that. And bring you... (hands her a box of plastic baggies) You know, to maximize your dining hall exports. They're heavy duty.
Plus freezer guard! That's so...
Kathy gets up and stands close to Parker, looking doe-eyed at him while she talks to Buffy.
Parker was just going to leave his number and go but we started talking. He's such a blast and time just flew.
Time? Really? How much time?
I'm not sure. We sort of got caught up talking Red Wings. It turns out that Kathy's a closet hockey fan. I think it's the violence.
Quit it! I told you that was just between us.
It could be the sweaty men.
Kathy laughs again and pushes him playfully.
If you two are going to wrestle, do you mind taking it outside? I've got a lot of work to do.
She puts her things down on her bed and turns off the music. Parker looks at her apologetically and turns to go.
Sorry, I didn't realize.
Oh, Parker, wait. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--
No, it's totally cool. I should go anyway.
Well, it was great of you to stop by. Maybe we could do it another time?
Another time for sure. Bye, Kathy.
He gives her a wave and she giggles and waves back.
Bye! See ya.
Buffy sees him out, closes the door and turns to face Kathy.
It wouldn't have killed you to be nice, you know.
Buffy goes to her bag and takes out a padlock.
Looked like you were being nice enough for the both of us.
Kathy closes the window.
I wasn't moving in on your territory, if that's what you mean.
Buffy snaps the padlock closed on the clasp of her closet door.
Right. Just like you didn't destroy my sweater.
Kathy is flossing again and Buffy opens the window.
I'm cold.
Well I'm hot. Deal with it.
Do you know what your problem is, Buffy?
You?
Hardly. Your problem is you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's share time now.
Share time, huh? Fine! I'll show you share time.
She goes to the fridge and takes out a carton of milk and drinks straight from the carton, spilling it all over herself and the floor.
Willow and Oz walk down the hall.
You're worried about her.
Yeah, both of them. I mean, what kind of demon runs around putting ookie blood dreams into people's heads? Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It's not right.
Well, I'm against it.
And Buffy's completely being not herself. If it wasn't for this English paper, I'd be there right now, listening, doing the girly best friend thing.
They stop at the door to her room.
Well, I can do that.
You can?
Well, I'm not saying we'll braid each other's hair-- probably-- but I can hang with her, watch for signs she's going over the edge.
You're the best. Oh, she's probably patrolling by now. Check around the Science Center. If you need me, I'll be...
She opens her door and the din of a raucous party spills out.
...at the library.
Oz walks alone along a well-lit walkway. He passes a group of students-- two men and a young woman. He suddenly senses something and turns to look back at the group he just passed. The young woman is looking back at him as well.
Off to the side, three masked figures in camouflage carrying high-tech weapons move through the underbrush.
Oz walks with Buffy along a wooded path.
...so then Kathy's like, 'It's share time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!'
She punches at the air.
So either you hit her or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserved it, don't you think?
Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.
Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box and blown away by an imaginary wind and... and...
Forced to wear a binding unitard?
Yeah, the itchy kind. It's perfect.
Just here to help.
Which I appreciate. But you've never come on routine patrol with me before, Oz. So what's the deal?
Seemed more interesting than homework.
As long as it's an elective. I can handle myself alone, you know.
Not in question.
Good. So then, I go into the refrigerator, right? And the label queen has managed to put--
Just a thought, Buffy, but do you think all this ranting is scaring away potential demons?
You're right. Oh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer.
Buffy brings her foot down onto a nearby park bench, breaking it in two.
She's... other really bad things.
On the plus side, you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
This isn't funny, Oz. Something has to be done.
Buffy walks off, looking determined.
Agreed.
Buffy sits at her desk, studying. She looks over at Kathy, who is on her bed clipping her toenails. Buffy's senses intensify and she hears every nail being clipped as a loud 'clank' and focuses on every clipping, in slow motion, flying through the air and onto the floor. She starts tapping her pencil on her open book.
Kathy looks over and watches Buffy in the same way. She hears every tap of Buffy's pencil as a loud 'boom.' She gets up and turns the stereo to Cher's Believe again.
Buffy taps her pencil so hard it breaks in half. She puts on earmuffs and it cuts the volume of the music down... a little.
Kathy goes to the fridge and takes out a boiled egg. She rolls it across her desktop to break the shell. Buffy focuses in on the shell, with 'Kathy' written across it, as it cracks like pine boughs snapping. She watches with smoldering anger as Kathy peels the broken shell from the egg and takes off her earmuffs and throws them onto the desk.
I'm going to bed.
Buffy gets in bed, turns out the light and closes her eyes.
18
18
Buffy dreams of the demon again. This time it's painting eldritch runes on her belly. Then it draws the gossamer substance out of her mouth and into it's own as before. A scorpion crawls across her bare skin and she awakens to daylight with a start.
In her own bed, Kathy moans and opens her eyes suddenly.
Oh, jeez.
Kathy talks with Willow about her Buffy problems.
I do what I can but Buffy's difficult. She's secretive for one thing. She comes and goes at all hours of the night... she leaves her gum all over the place.
It sounds like things are rough but don't you want to be talking to Buffy about this?
Buffy enters the hallway from the other end and stops when she sees Kathy and Willow talking. Buffy stares intently at them.
I would but she is so touchy about all kinds of weird stuff. I mean, sometimes I get the feeling that she is not quite normal. You know?
Well, normal is relative. Right?
They both look over and see Buffy and Kathy makes a hasty exit.
Later, okay?
Buffy moves over to Willow and rounds on her.
Why were you talking to her?
Buffy, come on, we were just saying hi.
Yeah, that's what she wants you to think.
Buffy, this has to stop. I mean, I get it. I have a sucky roomie, too. But you just have to deal.
You're right, I've been thinking a lot about this and it's clear to me now.
Good, that's better.
Kathy's evil. I'm an evil fighter. It's simple... I'm going to have to kill her.
Willow is stunned at Buffy's casual contemplation of murder.
You have to kill her? Don't you think you could just switch rooms or something?
Well I would but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look.
Buffy opens the bottom pocket of her bag and takes out a plastic baggie containing toenail clippings.
Toenails?
Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.
Good thinking, 'cause in the middle of the night those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.
Don't be ridiculous. The point is I measured them before I fell asleep and again this morning and they grew. After they were cut! That's a demon thing. She has to be eliminated.
Of course. It makes sense now. But you better show those bad puppies to Giles before you do anything just to be sure.
Absolutely. I don't want to do anything crazy.
You hurry on to Giles. I'll hang here and keep an eye on Kathy.
Great. Good. Thanks, Will.
Buffy hurries off and Willow rushes to a nearby payphone and punches in a number. Giles answers on the other end.
Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. No, not bitchy crazy. More like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come to you. 'Kay?
Buffy opens the door to find the apartment empty.
Giles? Anybody home? Hello?
A net falls on her from above. Xander and Oz run out of the side hallway and Giles from the kitchen. They jump her, forcing her arms behind her back where Xander loops a ready made slip knot over her wrists.
What are you guys doing? This is... this is ridiculous.
Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.
Not yet, but it will.
Don't say that.
He realizes the implication of her words.
Oh, please don't say that.
We're doing this to stop you from making a terrible mistake. Clearly something is amiss.
They remove the net and place her on a wooden bench. Xander ties the other end of the rope to the back of the bench.
Yeah, something's amiss here-- a Miss Kathy Newman. Giles, look in my bag. Look in the bottom pocket of my bag. She has parts that keep growing after they're detached. She irons her jeans. She's evil. She has to be destroyed.
Giles holds up the toenail-filled baggie.
I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.
Lite FM. Love songs! Nothing but love songs!
You think?
You stay and watch her. I know a spell that will make the possessing demon reveal itself so that we can fight it but I need to get some supplies from the Magick shop. Buffy, I... see you around.
He leaves, taking the baggie.
Kathy opens the door to Willow's insistent knocking.
Can I come in?
Sure. Where's Buffy?
I don't know, exactly. But I've been thinking... it might be a good idea for you and Buffy to give each other some apart time. In fact, you might want to be apart before she gets back.
What do you mean? I should leave the room? Why should I go?
It's not fair, I know.
You bet it's not fair, having to live with someone who's obviously troubled. Someone who so clearly needs to be in a home, not in a dorm.
I don't know about that. Buffy's going through something, yes, but...
I wouldn't put it past her to drop out or take off or something... do something horrible to herself.
Herself?
Or worse. She's capable of it, you know. You can see it in those shifty little eyes of hers. One of these days she might even push somebody too far.
The phone rings and Kathy answers it.
Hello? (beat; to Willow) It's Oz.
Willow takes the phone.
Hi. You did? She's at Giles? (beat) Okay.
Willow hangs up and starts moving toward the door.
You know, during that really short phone call I realized you are so right. I mean, it's not fair to make you leave your own room. So you're good. You just stay, right there. 'Kay?
With that, Willow turns and bolts from the room.
Oz and Xander watch Buffy warily.
I can't believe this! After all that we've been through together and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is bad?
We want to, Buff. It's just--
Shh. Don't engage.
Buffy struggles against the ropes.
I don't know if I tightened those ropes enough.
Then we'd better go over there and check 'em.
Xander laughs until he realizes Oz was serious.
Oh, dear god!
They both cautiously approach her.
Avoid the legs.
As they lean over her, she brings her arms up and knocks their heads together. They both fall to the floor, unconscious and she tosses the rope on top of Xander.
Nope, not tight enough.
Buffy walks in and closes the door. Kathy lies on her bed reading a paperback.
Kathy.
Buffy.
I think we need to talk, don't you?
Kathy gets up and walks over to her.
Absolutely. Let's talk.
Buffy kicks up a corner of the throw rug.
Oops, look what I did.
Kathy backhands Buffy across the face.
Huh, look what I did.
They grab each other by the head and start struggling. Suddenly, Kathy's face pulls off in Buffy's hands, revealing her to be a green-eyed, orange-skinned demon, much like the demons in the woods we saw earlier.
I knew it!
Kathy charges her, shoving her back.
The two demons continue chanting ritualized prayers over the fire. Suddenly, the ground splits open and, with a spray of dirt, the demon TAPARRICH emerges. He is much taller than the other two and wears a different style robe.
Where is she?
Kathy forces Buffy down, straddling her, and wraps her hands around Buffy's throat.
Quit it!
I knew it! I knew you were one of those demon things.
You know, why don't you just stuff it and let me finish my ritual.
Ritual?
Giles finds what he's looking for in an ancient tome. He reads aloud from the relevant passage.
'The Ritual of Mok'tagar, a race of trans-dimensional demons, involves the forced ingestion of animal blood while the victim slumbers.' Buffy's nightmares...
...were real.
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me.
'But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to the lack of a soul.'
He looks down at the baggie with Kathy's toenail clippings.
...so I'm borrowing yours.
Buffy looks at her with a 'how typical' expression.
Without even asking.
Tonight, when they come looking for me, they'll take the one without a soul.
Well, thank god I won't have to watch you floss anymore.
And I won't have to live with a slob.
Buffy bites Kathy's hand and throws her off. She shoves Kathy against the bed and kicks her in the belly. They both gain their feet and face off. Buffy charges
and Kathy flips her onto the bed. Buffy bounces off and pummels Kathy relentlessly. Kathy seizes Buffy by the head and throws her across the room and through the closet door.
It's share time, Buffy.
With a angry snarl, she grabs Buffy's feet and drags her out of the closet.
Fine. Let's start with my sweater.
She takes her ketchup-stained sweater and wraps it around Kathy's neck, yanking it tight. Kathy responds by ripping the sweater in two and body-slamming Buffy to the floor. When Buffy tries to get up again she gets a kick in the face.
Xander comes to, followed shortly by Oz.
Ow... why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self-respecting bachelor?
Willow runs in.
Guys, I just saw Kathy and she's acting... oh my god! Are you okay?
She rushes over and helps Oz to his feet.
Yeah, Buffy's got a pretty good lead on us, though.
I'll call Kathy, tell her to get out of there.
She goes over to the phone and starts punching numbers.
Kathy hits Buffy in the face with the telephone handset. She punctuates her words with each blow.
All you had to do was write down your calls!
Getting no answer, Willow hangs up.
No answer.
Suddenly Giles rushes in, out of breath, waving the baggie in front of him.
Toenails! Buffy was right. Kathy's toenails not only keep growing after they've been cut, they actually regenerate after they've been destroyed.
And that's a demon thing?
Oh, unequivocally yes. So... where is Buffy?
Xander sheepishly holds up the rope.
Oh dear, we have even less time than I feared.
He hurries into the kitchen and starts gathering up items.
I've looked up all known regenerating demons. Only one species practices the ritual Buffy's been seeing in her sleep. It's used to steal the soul from a human body.
Wait! Are you saying that Buffy's been doing a Linda Blair on us because Kathy's been sucking her soul?
I believe so, yes. Excuse me, please.
He drags Xander off his chair and moves it out of the way.
So Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse.
Giles picks up the book he was reading earlier.
Now, I've found a spell that should reverse the soul transfer procedure immediately. (hands the book to Willow) Willow and I will perform it at once.
Leaving Xander and me to help Buffy in the flesh.
Oz rushes out. Xander hesitates a moment, clearly not wanting to go, but eventually follows.
Willow holds the book for Giles while he reads from it and lights candles.
'Hear me, elders of the Upper Reaches... elders of the Lower Reaches... elders of the dry land... elders of the river flats.'
Kathy throws Buffy against her desk, scattering her identically sharpened pencils. Buffy stomps on the pencils, breaking them to pieces. The fight continues, Buffy throwing Kathy against the door, causing it to shake in its frame.
The noise from the brawl carries out into the hallway. Next door, a student leans out of his room.
Do you mind? People are trying to study!
Kathy runs Buffy across the room and through the window. Buffy lies dazed across the sill. Kathy pulls her back in.
Giles is still in mid-ritual.
'Ancients I beseech you. The soul, abstracted. Let it revert to it's true seat.'
Kathy drags Buffy off the window sill.
The window's open. Happy?
Kathy throws Buffy to the floor and straddles her, forcing her mouth open.
Open up! Let me finish!
'Let it be finished. Let the unnatural vessel be emptied. Let the essence be returned to it's original host.'
Kathy opens her mouth over Buffy's to complete the soul extraction process only to have the reverse occur: the life essence already removed from Buffy floods out of Kathy and back into the Slayer. Kathy collapses to the floor, weakened.
How did you do...
Suddenly there is a bright strobe of light and a vortex appears briefly in the center of the room. Taparrich steps out of the vortex and approaches Kathy.
There you are. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in young lady?
I'm not going back!
Don't take that tone with me.
I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?
Oz and Xander burst through the door and Taparrich turns on them with a roar. They immediately backpedal in fright and the demon turns back to Kathy.
Enough. You're coming home.
He waves his arm and another vortex forms in the floor. Buffy quickly crawls out of the way as Kathy is sucked into the swirling mist, screaming as she goes. Taparrich follows her and the vortex seals, leaving the floor unblemished. Buffy, Oz and Xander stare at each other, speechless.
Willow is moving in, her stuff in boxes around the room. She hangs a 'Dingoes Ate My Baby' poster where Kathy's Celine Dion poster used to be. Buffy is munching a sandwich.
How's that?
Uh-uh, a little to the left... there. Perfect. I'm so glad you're here, Will.
She sets her sandwich on the dresser.
I can already feel all that bad-Kathy-karma just draining away.
Buffy starts moving boxes and books around, straightening up.
About that-- the Kathy thing?-- I'm sorry I doubted you.
You're completely forgiven. I mean, you had reason to doubt. Except for the soul-sucking thing, I bet Kathy was pretty regular, as far as roomies go.
That's a pretty big 'except'.
I guess. I'm just glad that it was Kathy's demony ways making me no-fun Buffy. I've always thought I was pretty easy going, you know? It's not like I have the big issues. You know, burn incense, or...
You going to finish this?
Willow picks up Buffy's sandwich and bites into it. Buffy immediately focuses in on Willow's teeth as she bites into her sandwich and her eyes narrow suspiciously.