[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Something Blue at buffyology.com.]
WILLOW sits among Oz's things, surrounded by memories of her life with him before he left. She picks up one of his t-shirts and smells it, then puts it back down as a single tear falls down her cheek.
BUFFY enters and spots RILEY, who is up on a ladder hanging a banner across the entrance to the lounge. The banner reads "UC Sunnydale Lesbian Alliance". The banner in place, Riley hops back down just as Buffy walks up to him.
Hey, thanks, Riley.
Looks good. (to Buffy) Oh, hey, Buffy.
Is there something you want to tell me?
What?
Buffy points at the banner and Riley catches on.
Oh, yes, I am a lesbian.
Well, it's good that you're so open about it.
He smiles and they head off through the lounge.
Oh, hey! You know how we were talking about having a picnic? I was thinking... do you ever hang out at Rhode's Field? It's beautiful there. Usually not that crowded, either. I thought maybe we could have a little spread... sandwiches, maybe some ants? It'll be fun.
We were talking about having a picnic?
So was that a conversation I actually had or one I was just practicing?
Practicing?
Okay, yes... I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It's like an oral exam.
Boy... that's just what every girl longs to hear.
Well, you're tricky!
Like an exam?
I never know how you're going to react to something. That's why I like you so much. You're a mystery. Probably every beautiful girl in the world has some jerk telling her she's a mystery but... I swear. You really are. There's a lot about you that needs puzzling out.
Buffy's just stares back at him wistfully.
I loose you somewhere?
Right around beautiful.
He blushes and pushes forward.
Hey... don't you just love a picnic?
Willow and Buffy are on patrol.
It's just different, you know? A picnic. First of all: daylight. Kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part... he said he would bring all the food so all I have to do is to show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at.
So he's nice?
Very, very.
And there's sparkage?
Yeah. He's... have you seen his arms? Those are good arms to have. I really like him. I do.
But...
I don't know. I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me but... I just... feel like something's missing.
He's not making you miserable?
Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't cause me heartache.
Get out. Get out while there's still time.
I know. I have to get away from that bad boy thing. There's no good there. Seeing Angel in L.A., even for five minutes... hello to the pain.
The pain is not a friend.
But I can't help thinking, isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand-in- hand with pain and fighting.
A vampire suddenly charges out of the underbrush at Buffy and she casually stakes him without even looking up. He crumbles to dust and she and Willow continue on their way, unfazed.
I wonder where I get that from?
Opening credit sequence.
SPIKE sits chained in GILES' bathtub and Buffy leans over him, interrogating him.
So... you saw their faces but you can't describe them?
Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle.
Uh-huh. And the lab?
Underground. I came out through an air vent. I don't know exactly where. I'm done. Put the telly on.
Giles enters holding a coffee mug full of blood with a straw protruding from it.
It's about time. Hope you got it warm enough.
Giles hands it to Buffy without saying a word. She takes it, sighs and makes a disgusted face as she holds it so Spike can suck the blood through the straw.
I don't know why you're so dainty all of a sudden. You've done this for Angel... you must have.
Buffy pulls the mug away, leaving Spike with the straw dangling between his lips.
Hey! Give it!
Okay, that's it. The invalid amnesiac routine is over. The kitchen is closed until you can tell me something useful about the commandos.
I'm trying to remember. It was very traumatic.
How long are you going to pull this crap?
How long am I going to live once I tell you?
Look, Spike, we have no intention of killing a harmless... creature but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent.
Hey!
Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're...
Flaccid?
You are one step away, missy.
Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
Spike snarls, trying to grab Buffy, but the chains hold him and only make his struggles seem comical.
You know what? I don't think you want us to let you go. Maybe we've made it a little too comfy in here for ya.
Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinking pig's blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rank huge in the Zagat's Guide.
You want something nicer?
She leans toward him, exposing her bare throat to him.
A look at my poor neck? All bare and tender and exposed... all that blood just pumping away...
Spike is all but licking his lips with desire.
Oh, please.
Giles, make her stop.
Giles walks out of the bathroom and into the living room where Willow is reading through some books.
If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
What about a truth spell? I'm not positive it would work on a vampire but we could try. Make him fess up?
A truth spell. Of course, why didn't I think of that?
'Cause you had your hands full with the undead English patient?
She hands Giles the book.
Yes... we'll have a go.
Looks pretty simple. I'll stop by the Magick Shop tomorrow.
Excellent.
She gathers her things and gets up to leave.
All right. I'll be back in the morning with donuts and motherwort. Bye, Buffy! I'll see you at home.
Bye!
Great. Thank you, Willow.
Giles heads back into the bathroom where Buffy is once again feeding Spike through the straw.
Willow may have had a very helpful idea. She seems to be coping better with Oz's departure, don't you think?
She still has a way to go but yeah... I think she's dealing.
What, are you people blind? She's hangin' on by a thread. Any ninny can see that.
Oz's room has been cleaned out; it's completely bare. Willow enters and stops, looking around, shocked.
Buffy comforts Willow who is in her pajamas under the covers, crying.
Devon said that he sent for his stuff. I guess that means he's planning on settling down somewhere... else. Not here.
I guess so...
I feel like I've been split down the center and half of me is lost.
I know. It feels like that now...
Oz is gone.
Spike reaches desperately for the TV controls but the chains keep it tantalizingly out of reach.
Come on, now! It's telly time!
Giles talks on the phone and we hear Buffy and Willow's answering machine pick up.
This is Buffy and Willow. We're not in right now so please leave a message.
Willow... it's Giles. I thought you were bringing the ingredients for that spell? I really have to--
Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well and if you make me miss it, I'll--
You'll do what? Lick me to death? (into phone) Look, Willow... I think we ought to try the spell. Among other things, I'd like to shower sometime today. Alone.
It's a perfect day. Buffy and Riley are in mid-picnic, a blanket spread out on a beautiful green expanse of lawn under a radiant sun.
Driving?
Yeah.
You seriously drive for fun?
Well, not four-wheeling or anything but yeah. Don't you?
Actually, no-wheeling is more my specialty. I'm an avid pedestrian.
You're kidding, right? I mean, you know how to drive...?
Well, I took the class. Cars and Buffy are like... un-mixy things.
It's just because you haven't had a good experience yet. You can have the best time in a car. It's not about getting somewhere. You have to take your time. Forget about everything. Just... relax. Let it wash over you. The air, motion... just let it roll.
We are talking about driving, right?
Thought I was. (beat) I'm taking you. Some night when it's warm. Up past the vineyards. It's going to change everything for you.
I'm in.
They both turn as Willow wanders aimlessly toward them, obviously downcast.
Hey, Willow.
She manages a weak smile.
Hey.
I interrupted. You've got apples. My mist.
She turns to go.
Wait. Sit. There's plenty to go around.
She hesitates, then joins them.
Did something happen? Is something wrong?
No... everything's fine. Same.
Oh...
Your apples are turning brown, the way they do.
Yeah, I guess they do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Silence stretches out awkwardly as Buffy and Riley try and cope with Willow's downer mood.
The place is swinging as usual. ANYA, XANDER, and Buffy share a table.
Geez, you mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh.
I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquefy his entrails for her.
Xander pats her arm lovingly.
That's sweet. God, poor Will. No wonder she's...
He pauses as he notices Willow, dancing up a storm on the dance floor.
...having a wonderful time.
Buffy sees her too and is taken aback.
Wow. Way to re-bound.
I believe that's the dance of a brave little toaster.
Willow bounces over to them and smiles broadly.
Hey, guys! C'mon! This music's great!
It's nice to see you brought your boogie shoes tonight, Will.
Yeah, I know I've been sort of a party-poop lately so I said to myself, "Self!" I said, "It's time to shake and shimmy it off."
Sounds like a good policy.
Yeah! And it works, too. You know, I figure in the grand scheme of things, we're all just...
A bottle of beer falls from under her jacket and spills on the floor.
Drunk?
Willow laughs and picks up the bottle.
Drunk... I mean, that's such a strong word. Kind of a guttural Anglo-Saxon word. Drunk.
Will, not loving the drowning of the sorrows.
Not drowning... wading. And see? (re: beer) Light. No big.
No big? Anyone remember when Buffy had the fun beer-fest and went one million years B.C.?
Sadly without the fuzzy bikini.
Off topic, Xander.
Right. Topic now. (to Willow) Will, how about you give me that beer?
No! Why should I? I've got pain here... big-time legitimate pain.
We all have pain, Will.
Oh, like what? (mocking) "Oh, poor me. I live in a basement." Yeah, that's dire.
Xander shakes his head and walks off, hurt by Willow's insensitivity. Buffy takes Willow by the arm.
Okay, you know what? That's it. I'm taking you home.
Willow yanks her arm back.
No, I don't want to.
Well, you'll thank me when you still have a friend in the morning.
I just can't stand feeling this way. I want it to be over.
It will. I promise. But it's going to take time.
Well, that's not good enough.
I know. It's just how it is. You have to go through the pain.
Well, isn't there someway I can just make it go away? Just 'cause I say so? Can't I just make it go 'poof'?
Buffy sadly shakes her head and puts her arm around her friend.
Buffy and Willow are in bed. Buffy is sound asleep but Willow lies awake, staring at the ceiling. Nearby, Amy the Rat pokes aimlessly around her cage.
After a moment, Willow throws back her covers and creeps out of bed. She opens the trunk at the foot of her bed and sorts through her spell-casting gear.
Willow sits in the center of the tile floor surrounded by a circle of lit candles. Incense burns in a censer, a bowl of herbs and a golden chalice near her feet.
Hearken all ye elements, I summon thee now.
She drops some motherwort into the pentacle in front of her.
Control the outside, control within. Land and sea, fire and wind. Out of my passions, a web be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done. So mote it be.
She pours a magickal brew from the chalice into the pentacle and bolts of electricity simultaneously shoot from her to each of the candles. The flames rise high as the spell takes effect.
Buffy has already gone to class and Willow looks at herself carefully in the mirror.
It is my will that my heart be healed. Now.
When nothing happens, she sighs, puts the mirror down and picks up the spellbook.
I will that this book speak it's words to me. (nothing) I will that this Q-Tip gets... unbendy?
Again, nothing. There's a knock at the door.
Come in.
Giles enters, looking slightly worried.
Giles, what are you doing here?
I'm a bit concerned about you, actually.
Did Buffy tell you about the beer, 'cause--
Buffy didn't tell me anything.
Oh, well forget the beer part, then.
Happily. I came because we had an appointment the other day.
Oh, right, right. The truth spell.
Yes, Willow, I know that you're going through a very difficult time but shirking your responsibilities...
But I didn't shirk. I did the research and I picked up the motherwort. I just forgot the doing the spell part.
Well, that isn't like you at all.
I know. I've been off. I even tried to do a spell last night, to have my will done? I was hoping it would make me feel better. But it just went ka-blooey.
A spell? I don't think it's wise for you to be doing that alone right now. Your energy's too unfocused.
Well, that's not true. I said I was off, not incompetent.
I only meant that you're grieving and it might be wise if you took a break from doing spells without supervision.
So I get punished because I'm in pain?
It's not punishment. I'm only saying this because I--
Oh, you care. Yeah. Everybody cares. Nobody wants to be inconvenienced. You all want me to take the time and go through the pain as long as you don't have to hear about it anymore.
No, that's not fair.
Isn't it? 'Cause I'm doing the best I can and it doesn't seem to be enough for you guys.
And I see how you could feel that way, I do...
No, you don't. You say that you do but you don't see anything.
As Willow speaks these last words, her eyes suddenly flash a bright blue for just an instant. Giles shakes his head and removes his glasses. He rubs his eyes as though his vision is blurred.
Um... sorry. Perhaps I'd better be going. Let's talk about this later.
Giles leaves Willow's room, walking down the hall in a bit of a daze. He runs into a student.
Oh! I'm sorry... so sorry.
He puts his glasses back on, not sure what is happening to him.
Spike sits chained on the floor. Giles walks around him, holding a bundle of burning herbs and reading from a spellbook, trying to perform the truth incantation himself.
Elobe, enemy, be now quiet.
You know, not too keen about this spell stuff. Tends to be a bit unpredictable.
Yes, well, you might have thought about that sooner. (continues reading) Let your deceitful tongue be... be... (struggles with words) Let no... untruths... be spoken.
He's having a very hard time making out the words now. He gets frustrated and sets the book down, taking out a handkerchief and cleaning his glasses. Spike, who has been watching this with guarded optimism, glances down and realizes that Giles has dropped the key to the chains within easy reach. He uses his boot to slowly draw it toward him.
Hey, what's that all about?
Oh, nothing. I just got ash in my eye.
Well, I won't have you doing mojo on me if you can't read properly. You might turn me into a stink beetle or what all.
It would be a generous ending for you, Spike.
Spike picks up the key and unlocks himself, then jumps up, shoves Giles out of the way and bolts out the door.
Willow plays with Amy the rat on her bed.
I mean, I'm going through something. I just don't see why he was getting down on me.
Giles just worries. Spells can be dangerous. It doesn't mean he thinks you're a bad witch.
I am a bad witch.
No, you're a good witch.
I'm not kidding anyone. If I had any real power, I could have made Oz stay with me.
Will, you wouldn't have wanted him to have stayed--
And I didn't have the guts to do the spell on Veruca and my "I will it so" spell went nowhere. The only real witch here is fuzzy little Amy.
I think you're being a too hard on yourself.
She's got access to powers I can't even invoke. I mean, first she's a perfectly normal girl...
Behind Buffy and Willow on the bed, the rat changes instantly back to AMY MADISON who looks down at her naked self in shock and excited surprise.
Then poof... she's a rat.
Amy turns back into a rat and squeaks angrily.
I could never do something like that.
The phone rings and Buffy answers it.
Hello? I'll be right there. (hangs up) Spike escaped.
And you're going? Now?
Sorry... duty thing.
Well, I mean, what's the rush? Spike can't hurt anyone, right? And I figured since I'm kinda grievey, would could, you know, have a girl's night. We could eat sundaes and watch Steel Magnolias and you can tell me how at least I don't have diabetes.
Will, I can't hang out with you until I get Spike back to Giles. You know that. Okay? I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise.
I don't see the big. He's probably just standing out there. You could find him in two seconds...
Willow's eyes flash blue again and we
Spike stands outside, looking around, bewildered. Surprised, Buffy finds him immediately.
Thought that was going to take longer.
Me too. Must have got... turned around.
He suddenly takes a keen interest in his surroundings.
Hang on, this is it. Wait... no... yes.
What are you talking about?
The lab. Commando lab. The door was right here where I escaped.
He gestures at the grassy expanse of lawn at their feet.
I don't think so.
Spike falls to his hands and knees, tearing at the turf.
Open up! I'm going to kill you!
Spike, there's nothing there.
Let me in! Fix me...
Okay, drop the act.
She takes him by the arm but he pushes her away.
Get off!
Okay, that's it... I'm going to gag you.
He punches her in the nose, then cries out in pain as his implant activates. Buffy punches him in the nose in return and he yells in pain again.
Giles puts drops in his eyes as Buffy and Spike come barging in through the front door, Spike once again tied up.
Hey! Watch it!
One more word out of you and I swear...
Swear, what? You're not going to do anything to me. You don't got the stones.
Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of... stones.
Yeah? You're all talk.
Giles! I accidentally killed Spike. That's okay, right?
Just a minute...
Willow paces back and forth, complaining about Buffy. Xander sits idly by and listens. Nothing new here.
I mean, I'm going through something. You'd think every once in awhile Buffy would make best friends a priority.
You know, Will, it's not like she could just let Spike go.
Buffy slams Spike down into a chair.
I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding your body for weeks.
Oh, make a move... please. I'm dying for a good slay.
Spike's more important than me. I get it.
Buffy's gotta find out what's up with those commandos. Right now she needs Spike.
Well, fine. Why doesn't she just go marry him?
Electric blue sparks light Willow's eyes again.
If the two of you could remain civil long enough to...
Reveal Buffy sitting in a chair with Spike on his knees in front of her, holding her hand.
It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say.
Just say yes and make me the happiest man on earth.
Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!
They embrace and Buffy kisses Spike passionately. Giles is perfectly stunned.
Giles! You'll never believe what's happened!
Buffy holds up her hand showing off the ring Spike has given her. Giles is so flummoxed, he may be losing his mind.
Xander does his best to soothe Willow's never-ending pain.
It's just not fair.
Willow, I know it's hard to see it right now but everything you're feeling is because of you and Oz. Not because of Buffy and me or anybody. But eventually you'll meet somebody else and it'll be better.
Yeah, 'cause most relationships are great and trouble-free. I don't think so. I think we're all doomed to badness.
We're not doomed.
Oh, yeah? Let's look at your bio: Insect Lady, Mummy Girl, Anya... you're a demon magnet.
I was just trying to help.
Giles talks on the phone to Willow's machine.
Willow, it's me. Something's happened. I need your help. I can't see very well. Everything's blurred. I'm certain it's a spell of some kind because... well, it seems something else is going wrong.
Giles pauses while Buffy brings Spike a mug full of hot blood, then sits on his lap, smiling up at him dreamily.
Here you go... 98.6.
They kiss again.
Horribly wrong.
There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception...
Well, first thing, I'd say we're not having a church wedding.
How about a daytime ceremony? In the park.
Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.
Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only.
Giles makes his way carefully into the living room, feeling his way, glass of scotch in one hand. He takes a seat on the couch in front of Buffy and Spike.
Warm breeze tosses the leaves aside and again... you're registering as Mr. and Mrs. Big-Pile-of-Dust.
Stop it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke.
Oh, pouty! Look at that lip... gonna get it... gonna get it...
He snags her pouting lower lip with his and another deep kiss ensues.
Oh, stop!
Yes, please stop.
Giles takes a heavy swig of scotch as Buffy holds up her hand again.
Giles, did you see my ring?
Thankfully, not very well.
Giles leans back and rubs his eyes, desperately trying to clear his vision. Buffy gets up from Spike's lap and goes to sit beside Giles.
I'm not crazy and I know that you probably don't approve... and my father's not that far away. I mean, he could... (beat) but this day is about family-- my real family-- and I would like you to be the one to give me away.
Despite himself, Giles is genuinely touched.
Oh, Buffy! That's... that's so... (comes to his senses) Oh, for god's sake! This is nonsense. Something is making you act this way. Don't you realize what you're doing?
Buffy smiles and looks back at Spike.
Living a dream.
He's going to have to take a bit of time to get used to it, pet.
They all will. (to Giles) But you guys weren't crazy about Angel at first, either.
Spike reacts angrily.
You weren't going to say that name!
Sorry. Why don't we talk about where we're going to register.
Well, where would Angel like to register? And can we have the photographer Angel would've wanted? And flowers Angel would have liked?
Hey! You think I don't live with the shadow of Drusilla over my head? That I'm not wondering if you're going to be thinking of her on our honeymoon when you're making sweet love to me?
She walks back to Spike and sits in his lap and immediately starts kissing him passionately again. Appalled, Giles reaches for his glass of scotch, knocking it to the floor.
Giles are you okay?
I rather think not. I seem to be rather... rather blind. Completely, in fact.
Buffy walks over to him, concerned.
What? How could this happen?
She waves her hand in front of his face to no reaction.
A spell, I believe.
Well, we'll fix it. Don't worry.
What you want is a general reversal spell. Gonna need supplies.
Are you... helping me?
Well, it's almost like you're my father-in-law, in'it?
See? This is how it's going to be. Spike'll even take care of you while I'm at the Magick Shop.
Spike takes Buffy in his arms.
From now on, we're a family.
Once again, they kiss intimately. It's too much for Giles who stands and wobbles his way to the kitchen.
That's all right. I have more scotch.
Buffy exits the Magick Shop and stops in the middle of the street, gazing at a window display of a beautiful white wedding gown. She walks over to it, mesmerized.
In the b.g., we see Riley walk by. He sees her and walks up.
Hey, Buffy. What's up?
Riley, look. Aren't they beautiful?
Yeah... they're nice. A little dressy maybe, for school, but...
Riley...
Buffy?
I really like you. I hope you know that you mean a lot to me and if things were different...
Different than what?
She nervously takes his hand.
I want you to promise me that we can always be friends and I'd really like you to be there on the day.
The day when...?
The wedding!
The wedding. What wedding?
My wedding! I'm getting married! Can you believe it?
I don't think "no" is a strong enough word.
I know! It's crazy! I mean, we fought for all these years and then... sometimes you just look at someone and you know. You know?
No...
I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt about each other.
Can we start again?
You'll really like him. (beat) Well, nobody really likes him.
I just need to clear a few things up...
I don't even really like him.
Buffy...
But I love him. I do.
Who?
What?
What's his name?
Who?
The groom.
Spike!
That's a name?
Don't be mad.
I'm not mad.
No, you are mad!
No, I am! I really... wow. Who is this guy? Does he go here?
Spike? (laughs) Oh, no. He's totally old.
Old.
Well, not as old as my last boyfriend was.
Okay, it's late and I'm very tired now so I'm just going to go far away and be... away.
But...
No. Stay.
Riley walks off leaving Buffy looking forlorn.
You're ruining my happy day.
Anya sits on Xander's bed as Xander comes down from upstairs.
That's okay, mom. We don't need anymore snacks.
I liked those fruit roll-ups.
Shush, I thought she'd never clear out. Besides, just think of my lips as the fruit roll-ups of love. (beat) Okay, that was gross. I'm a little distracted. Willow was really upset. I shouldn't have let her go away mad.
Anya grabs him and kisses him hard.
Regaining focus.
We just got rid of your mom. Let's not bring Willow into this. It's time for just the two of us.
As they kiss and fall down on the bed, a demon busts through the side door. They jump up and Xander charges it but is tossed aside. Anya goes after it with a bat to no effect. Xander tries to strangle it with a clothesline but Anya stops him.
No, no, it's a Pargo demon! Drowning it's the only way to kill it!
They drag the thing over to the sink, shoving it's head under water. As soon as the demon is dead, another busts through the window above the sink.
What the hell is going on?
Xander grabs Anya and they run out of the basement.
Buffy holds a wedding cake topper-- a man and a woman, both blonde-- and walks them up Spike's arm, humming the Wedding March.
Giles lies on the couch, a towel over his eyes.
So the plan is to cure my total, incapacitating blindness... tomorrow?
They were all out of tagas root at the Magick Shop. They'll have more tomorrow. I'm completely on top of it. (to Spike, re: figurines) Aren't they a perfect little us?
I don't like him. He's insipid. Clearly human.
Oh, red paint! We could smear a little on his mouth. Blood of the innocent?
That's my girl.
He takes her by the back of her head and pulls her into a kiss.
Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking.
Buffy sets the figurines down and picks up a notebook.
Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you want to be William the Bloody or just Spike? 'Cause, either way, it's going to look majorly weird.
Whereas the name Buffy gives it that touch of classic elegance.
What's wrong with Buffy?
Such a good question.
Well, it's a terrible name.
My mother gave me that name.
Your mother, yeah, she's a genius.
Don't you start in on my mother.
The door slams open and Anya and Xander run through. Everyone stands as Xander blockades the door with a bookshelf.
Board up the windows and barricade the doors.
What's going on?
Demons. They keep coming and coming.
I think we lost them but I couldn't see. (re: Spike) Spike! He's all untied! (beat) Which you probably noticed.
Xander, calm down, okay? If you lost them, that'll give us some time to figure this out. (to Spike) Maybe the demons have something to do with Giles being blind.
Giles is blind?
Xander walks over to Giles and starts waving his fingers in front of Giles' face.
Please stop whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups.
This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.
Buffy hangs on Spike's arm.
Spike's right. We really should get organized.
Xander and Anya are stare at Spike and Buffy, stupefied.
Why are you holding hands?
They have to hear it sooner or later...
Spike and I are getting married!
Xander is struck numb. His words come in shocked gasps.
How? What? How?
Three excellent questions.
What are you lookin' at?
The man I love.
They kiss. A lot. Anya and Xander are revolted.
Can I be blind, too? (beat) Wait... married... I know something, what is it? Everything's so familiar. Work, brain, work! Oh! Willow!
What about Will? (to Spike) Honey, get off.
Something about Willow and her griefy-poor-me mood swings... so, so tired of it.
You mean I don't have to be nice about her anymore?
Well, we're all tired of it but what does it have to do with what's going on?
She told me I was a demon magnet and you two should get married.
And that I didn't see anything.
She did a spell.
Yes, to have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.
And you both were affected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.
Yeah, right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
Xander...
That's it. You're off the usher list.
People, Willow is out there and she probably doesn't know what she's doing.
We gotta find her.
Before somebody gets really hurt.
Giles stands up, nods in agreement and promptly falls flat on his face.
Willow walks down the dormitory hallway. She stops at the door to her room, fishes out her key and opens the door.
Willow walks through the door and is immediately attacked by D'HOFFRYN, a horned, blue-skinned demon. It places one hand on each side of her head and bolts of electricity snake around her as she gasps in shock.
Later. Buffy, Spike, Xander, and Anya rush down the dorm hallways in search of Willow.
Why does he have to come?
Xander, Spike is going to be my husband. I want him included.
I agree with Xander here. Seems like a lot of work for people who hunt us.
Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it's kinda my job.
Spike patronizingly pats her hand.
For now.
What? You want me to stop working?
The group reaches Buffy's room and enters.
Let's see, do I want you to give up killing all my friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought.
Buffy stops, immediately noticing a large circle burned into the carpet in the center of the room.
This is burned.
D'Hoffryn. Bastard... (to Buffy) He's opened a portal here.
Who?
Spike holds up one of Buffy's skirts, orange with fuzzy trim.
Oh, fluffy! Wear this to the rehearsal dinner and the whole thing's off.
Shut up, honey.
She turns back to Anya and looks at her questioningly.
D'Hoffryn. He made me a demon 1120 years ago.
Why would he attack Willow?
I don't believe he did.
Willow stands spotlighted in the midst of unending pitch black darkness. We get the sense the darkness stretches outward a great distance in all directions, perhaps forever. D'Hoffryn stands before Willow and they are both surrounded by a council of a dozen demons who stand like silent sentinels and watch the proceedings.
You have much anger and pain. Your magick is strong but your pain... it's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your call.
I'm sorry. I'll try for a quiet rage. Bye.
She turns to leave but the stone-faced demons do not part to let her through.
Our intention is not to quash your potential. Quite the contrary.
Anya, Xander, Buffy, and Spike walk through the cemetery.
I'd been dumped, I was miserable, doing a few vengeance spells-- boils on the penis, nothing fancy.
Please skip ahead.
D'Hoffryn got wind of me, he offered to elevate me.
Meaning?
He made me a demon.
Oh, god, Willow. But you can summon this guy from this crypt, right? You can make him stop-- (beat; to Spike) Oh, my god! Wouldn't this be a perfect place for pictures?
She runs over to a crypt with ivy growing up the side of it.
I'm not posing for chuff all.
Xander suddenly panics and points to a demon heading their way.
Hey... demon.
Buffy walks up to the creature.
Okay, listen... now we're going to do this without ruining the foliage.
It roars and swings at her. Buffy responds and after a several devastating blows, the demon lies still on the ground. She tosses him aside just as another demon appears. It's apparent that they are in trouble.
Let's go!
All four of them dash inside the crypt, barricading the door as best they can.
Anya runs to the far side of the crypt, kneeling down and drawing a circle surrounding herself in the dirt.
Blessed be the name of D'Hoffryn. Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arash Ma'har where demons are spawned.
D'Hoffryn circles Willow who stands, trembling with fear.
The pain and suffering you brought upon those you love is inspiring. You are ready to join us here in Arash Ma'har.
Pain... what pain?
A demon reaches in through a window and chokes Buffy. Spike sees his love in jeopardy and runs to her aid.
Buffy!
Xander throws his body weight against the door, trying to hold it closed against the demon assault.
Not doin' well here.
We come in supplication. We bend as the reed in the flow of the... no, wait... we come in the flow of the... ugh! (deep breath; starts over) Blessed be the name of D'Hoffryn...
Buffy jerks away, running to Spike's side, who, with Xander, has propped a stone sepulcher against the door to keep the demons out.
They're strong and I can't fight. If they get in, I don't know if I can protect you.
You think you have to protect me?
Oh, not with the "girl-power" bit!
The demons finally overcome their defenses and crash into the crypt. All four of them are instantly set upon. Anya, Spike and Xander are immediately overcome and even Buffy finds herself losing the fight.
D'Hoffryn opens a dimensional rift and allows Willow to see her friends fighting for their lives.
Oh, god. But I didn't mean to!
But you did. This is the result of your power. You will make a fine vengeance demon.
No, please! You have to help them!
It is not my concern. You are my interest in this matter.
Really... no offense intended... I mean, you've been super-nice and everything, but I don't want to be a demon. I just want to go back and help my friends.
That is your answer?
It is.
I'm sorry to hear that. (beat) Oh, well. Here is my talisman. (tosses a coin to her) You change your mind, give us a chant.
He dismissively waves his hand and she disappears.
Buffy struggles for her life with a demon as yet another bursts onto the scene. It knocks Spike on his back, sending him reeling. Seeing him in distress gives Buffy the strength she needs to make quick work of both demons. When they are safely dispatched, she rushes over to Spike.
Oh, Spike! Are you okay?
Slayer...
They start kissing again as Anya and Xander fight desperately across the room.
Without warning, Willow appears in the crypt. She immediately begins reciting the restoration spell.
Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken!
Thunder booms and lightening flashes and the demons disappear. Buffy and Spike are in mid-kiss as their eyes go wide with shock, horror and disgust. Buffy jumps off of Spike as if jolted by electricity. Both she and Spike gag and wipe furiously at their mouths.
Oh! Ugh...
Oh, bloody hell!
Spike lips! Lips of Spike!
Anya, Xander, Buffy and Spike become of aware of Willow's presence and they turn slowly toward her. She smiles sheepishly and waves.
Hi, guys.
Willow is making chocolate-chip cookies. She's takes a batch out of the oven and uses a spatula to pile them on a plate for Anya.
How long are you going to keep making these?
Oh, until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles' car.
She takes the plate from Anya and walks over to where Xander and Giles are sitting. Xander holds up a clock for Giles to read.
Time.
Aha... five past two. Thursday.
Look, cookies! A very not-evil thing I did. Oatmeal?
Giles removes his glasses, takes a cookie and scowls.
Yes, very funny. They're chocolate chip. I can see them. I still need my glasses, though. You could've been more specific and given me 20/20.
Willow smiles and walks over to Buffy and Spike. Spike is tied up in a chair once again.
Eat a cookie, ease my pain?
Buffy picks one and bites down with relish.
Mmm. Better?
Well, baking lifts about 30% of my guilt but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess that'll just take awhile.
It'll happen.
Don't I get a cookie?
No.
Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.
You're a pig, Spike.
Yeah, well I'm not the one who wanted Wind Beneath My Wings for the first dance.
The group turns as one and stares at Buffy in horror.
That was the spell!
Willow scowls at Spike and shoves a cookie in his mouth, then follows Buffy into the kitchen.
Did I mention about the sorry part?
We may be into a forgetting spell later. (astonished) I loved him. He were betrothed.
Her face betrays just how revolted she is with the idea.
Well, at least you were getting along.
But we weren't. I mean, I wasn't even nice. And the bad-boy thing... over it. Okay, I totally get it. I'd be really happy to be in a nice relationship with a decent, reliable-- oh, my god! Riley thinks I'm engaged.
What?
Riley. He saw me. What the hell am I going to say?
Buffy and Riley walk together and Buffy is laughing.
You thought I was serious?
Well, no... um... you weren't serious?
Oh, god... please. I'm marrying a guy named Spike?
Maybe. We haven't known each other that long.
No, it's just... I saw that fear in your eyes when you caught me looking at wedding dresses and I had to give you a hard time.
I did not have fear in my eyes.
Yes, you did. You were looking at me like I was a cartoon ball and chain.
So you decided to tell me you're getting married?
Uh-huh.
So you're insane?
Uh-huh!
But you're still single.
Yes.
Okay, then. Just another little piece of the Buffy puzzle.
You really have a lot to learn about women, Riley.
He reaches up and takes hold of the back of her head like he's about to kiss her.
You're going to teach me.
He smiles and walks away, leaving Buffy smiling sweetly after him.