[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Restless at buffyology.com.]
BUFFY sees RILEY off with WILLOW and GILES.
Are you sure you'll be all right? 'Cause I can be there in the morning.
It's just a debriefing. They're not going to make me disappear and they're not pinning anything on me. I got Graham and a lot of the guys testifying I'm the reason they're alive. I might actually get out of this with an honorable discharge.
In return for your silence, no doubt.
Oh, yeah. Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage.
It's like you're blackmailing the government. (off their look) In a patriotic way.
I'll call you when it's over.
He kisses Buffy.
Dinner is served.
XANDER enters with a bowl of popcorn followed by JOYCE.
And my very own recipe.
Willow takes a handful.
Oh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says "popcorn"?
Actually, I pushed "defrost" but Joyce was there in the clinch.
Well, you guys have fun tonight. It was very nice meeting you.
He extends his hand to Buffy's mom.
It was nice meeting you... finally.
Bye.
Bye.
Riley leaves and Buffy closes the door behind him.
Did you notice how pointedly I said "finally"?
No.
They all head into the living room.
Let the vid-fest begin.
You sure you won't join us?
No, you guys have your fun. I'm tired. I can't believe you're not exhausted. Have you even slept since...?
Buffy and Willow sit on the sofa, Xander on the floor.
Still feel a little bit too wired.
Yeah, that spell... that was powerful.
Don't think I could sleep.
Buffy and Willow curl up on the sofa with blankets.
Well, we got plenty of vids. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for Apocalypse Now, huh?
Did you get anything less Heart-of-Darknessy?
Apocalypse Now is a gay romp! It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was.
Buffy's not buying it.
What else?
Joyce and Giles exchange a smile as she heads for the stairs.
Don't worry. Got plenty of chick-and-British-guy flicks, too. These puppies should last us all night.
Xander puts the tape into the VCR and pushes play. The FBI warning comes on screen.
Pull back to reveal Giles, Buffy, Willow and Xander already fast asleep.
Resume. All four slee soundly. Zoom in slowly on Willow as she clutches the blanket around herself.
TARA's face. She lies on her stomach, resting chin on crossed arms.
I think it's strange. I mean, I think I should worry that we haven't found her name.
Who, Miss Kitty?
Slow motion: Their kitten plays with a ball of red yarn nearby.
You'd think she'd let us know her name by now.
She will. She's not all grown yet.
You're not worried?
I never worry here. I'm safe here.
You don't know everything about me.
Have you told me your real name?
Oh, you know that.
Willow smiles and reaches for a paintbrush. She dips it into an ink jar.
They will find out, you know... about you.
Don't have time to think about that. (frowns) You know I have all this homework to finish.
Pull back to reveal Tara lying face-down on her bed, naked. Willow paints on her back.
Are you going to finish in time for class?
I can be late.
But you've never taken drama before.
Willow dips the paintbrush again, moving it across Tara's back which is covered with Greek letters.
Might miss something important.
I don't want to leave here.
Why not?
Willow stands up, looking down at Tara. She turns toward a dark red curtain and walks over to it.
It's so bright.
She pulls back the curtain to reveal a blindingly bright desert. The light falls on Tara, who looks over at Willow.
And there's something out there.
Out in the desert there's nothing but scrub brush, sand and rocks. A flash of something-- or someone?-- moving. Then it's gone.
Slow motion: the kitten crawls toward the camera.
Willow walks down the hallway looking anxious. She approaches Xander and OZ.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
Heard you're taking drama.
Uh-huh.
It's a tough course.
She tries to open her locker.
You took it?
Oh, I've been here forever.
So whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? (to Oz) She does spells with Tara.
Yeah, I heard about that.
Willow keeps trying to open the locker as the bell rings.
I'm going to be late.
She rushes off.
Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... and then I do a spell by myself.
Willow enters the backstage area of the theater. People are get into costume all around her. A makeup table with mirrors is set up nearby. Sound of an orchestra tuning up. Willow walks around looking lost. HARMONY rushes up to her dressed as a Swedish milkmaid, her hair braided in two pigtails.
Isn't this exciting? Our first production! I can't wait till our scene! I love you!
She hugs Willow, then drops the fake friendly act.
Don't step on my cues.
Production?
Buffy peeks out through the curtain at the audience, then runs over to Willow and Harmony. She's dressed as the lead character in Chicago: short straight black hair, short tight black dress.
Oh, my god. The place is packed. Everybody's here! Your whole family's in the front row and they look really angry.
There's a production?
Harmony rubs Willow's shoulders.
Oh, somebody's got stage fright.
Isn't this the first class?
Riley saunters up dressed as a cowboy.
Well, you showed up late or you'd have a better part. (proud) I'm Cowboy Guy.
Your costume is perfect. (whispers) Nobody's going to know the truth. You know, about you.
Costume?
You're already in character! Oh, I shoulda done that!
She stomps her foot and turns away.
But how come there's... I mean, I was given to understand that a drama class would have, you know, drama class. I mean, we haven't even rehearsed!
Well, maybe some people haven't.
I showed up on time so I got to be Cowboy Guy.
I just think it's really early to be putting on a play. I don't even know what... (her eyes widen in fear) This isn't Madame Butterfly, is it? Because I have a whole problem with opera.
Giles, the director of the play, enters in a rush. He claps his hands for attention. The group gathers around him.
All right, everyone! Pay attention. In just a few moments that curtain is going to open on our very first production. Now everyone that Willow's ever met is out in that audience, including all of us. That means we have to be perfect. Stay in character, remember your lines and energy, energy, energy, especially in the musical numbers!
Buffy looks ecstatic. Willow's attention is suddenly drawn to the stage curtain. A dark figure moves stealthily through the shadows.
Did anyone see that?
Acting is not about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked and eat you alive, so hide.
Harmony appears behind him, her vampire fangs extended. She tries to nip at Giles' neck.
Stop that. (to group) Now... costumes, sets, the things that you... you know... you hold them, you touch them... use them...
Props?
No.
Props?
Yes! It's all about subterfuge. (to Harmony) That's very annoying. (to group) Now go on out there, lie like dogs and have a wonderful time. Now, if we can stay in focus, keep our heads and if Willow can stop stepping on everyone's cues, I know this'll be the best production of Death of a Salesman we've ever done. (to Harmony) Stop it. Good luck everyone! Break a leg!
He pushes through the crowd and exits.
Excited chatter. Willow frowns as the sound fades out. The costumed students are still chattering excitedly and milling about but there is no sound. Willow makes her way through the crowd, confused and nervous. A bald MAN approaches her carrying a small table.
I've made a little space for the cheese slices.
He holds up the table and shows her slices of American cheese laid neatly in a row. Willow frowns and ignores him. She makes her way through the stage curtain and finds herself enclosed on all sides by the red velvet drape. Suddenly, a beam of light and Tara is there.
Things aren't going very well.
No! This drama class is just... I think they're really not doing things in the proper way and now I'm in a play and my whole family's out there and... why is there a cowboy in Death of a Salesman, anyway?
You don't understand yet, do you?
Is there something following me?
Yes.
Well, what should I do? The play's going to start soon and I don't even know my lines.
The play's already started. That's not the point.
Riley enters stage left with hands on his belt, the very stereotype of a gunslinger. Harmony wears a yoke with buckets on either end. On the right, Buffy reclines seductively on a sofa.
Why, hello, little lady. Can I hold those milk pails for you?
Laughter from audience.
Why thank you but they're not very heavy. Why have you come to our lonely small town which has no post office and very few exports?
I've come looking for a man. (pointed) A sales man.
Willow watches anxiously from the wings.
Everyone's starting to wonder about you. The real you. If they find out, they'll punish you. I... I can't help you with that.
Well, what should I... what's after me? Is it something I was supposed to do? Was I supposed to--
Tara shushes her and looks around, worried. A strange buzzing noise emerges from the background.
What was that?
Harmony sits on the sofa, crying. Buffy rounds on Riley. She delivers her lines without inflection, all in one breath.
But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no- account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes. I mean you and your friends, your whole sex... throw 'em in the sea for all I care. Throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles. Men, with your groping and spitting, all groin no brain, three billion of you passing around the same worn-out urge. Men! With your... sales!
Willow looks over her shoulder. Tara is gone.
Tara? Tara, okay, this really isn't fu--
A dagger slashes through the curtain inches from her face. She gasps as a rag- covered hand reaches through the curtain, grabbing for her and knocking her to the floor. She screams and covers her head with her hands as another hand reaches for her.
Will!
Buffy leans through the curtains and pulls her to her feet.
Buffy! Oh, god.
Come on.
She helps her through the curtain into
The classroom is quiet, all the desks empty. Buffy and Willow crouch down and creep between the desks.
Stay low. What did it look like?
I don't know. I don't know what's after me.
Buffy frowns in disapproval.
Well, you must have done something.
No. I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty. I just came to class and the play was starting.
Buffy straightens up and stares at Willow.
The play is long over. Why are you still in costume?
Okay, still having to explain wherein this is just my outfit.
Willow, everybody already knows. Take it off.
No. No. I need it.
Buffy rolls her eyes.
Oh, for god's sake. Just take it off.
Buffy spins Willow around and rips her clothes off.
That's better. It's much more realistic.
Suddenly all the desks are full of students and Buffy turns and takes her seat.
See? Isn't everybody very clear on this now?
Anya and Harmony giggle conspiratorially. Soon the whole class joins in as we reveal Willow as she was in her sophomore year of high school: long, straight, unstyled hair, dressed like a child, not a woman. She holds a piece of paper in her hands.
My god... it's like a tragedy.
I tried to warn you.
He looks at Willow, disgusted.
It's exactly like a Greek tragedy. There should only be Greeks.
Willow looks around the room nervously, then down at her paper.
My book report. This summer I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Oh, who cares?
Willow looks horrified as more snickers come from the class. Oz nuzzles Tara's cheek and she purrs with contentment.
This book has many themes--
A dark figure suddenly leaps onto Willow like a bolt of lightning, knocking her to the floor. She screams in terror. Buffy calmly puts her head down on the desk, extremely bored.
Help! Help me!
Xander watches the attack emotionlessly while Oz and Tara exchange conspiratorial smiles.
Help me!
The creature attacking Willow has dark skin and long matted dark hair and is wrapped in rags. It bares its fangs at Willow and leans down to bite her. Willow's eyes cloud over as we
Back to scene. Willow is on the couch, asleep next to Buffy, still covered with the blanket. She twitches in her sleep and struggles for air.
Resume. Willow keeps twitching and gasping for air. Pan over to Xander who suddenly sits up, wide awake.
I'm awake. I'm good. Did I miss anything?
He looks over at Willow who whimpers and moans. Buffy and Giles watch the movie, munching on popcorn.
Not very much at all, really.
Bunch of massacring.
Xander looks at the TV and raises his eyebrows hopefully. In the movie, a soldier carrying a rifle creeps through a jungle.
We gotta keep going, men. (pants) We gotta take that hill. Damn this war!
I have to say, I really feel that Apocalypse Now is overrated.
No, no. It gets better. I remember that it gets better.
Men... oh, my god. What's happened to my men?
Buffy looks bored. She holds the bowl out to Xander.
Want some corn?
Butter flavor?
New car smell.
Cool.
He leans over Willow and takes a handful.
What's her deal?
Big faker.
Oh, I'm beginning to understand this now. It's all about the journey, isn't it?
Xander rolls his eyes.
Well, thanks for making me have to pee.
He gets up and heads for the stairs.
You don't need any help with that, right?
Got a system.
Xander climbs the stairs and emerges in the upper hallway. Joyce appears behind him, wearing a revealing red negligée.
Hey.
Xander turns toward her.
Hey, Joyce. (beat) Mrs. Summers. We're not making too much noise down there, are we?
Oh, no. Anyway, they all left a while ago.
Oh, I should probably go catch up.
I've heard that before.
I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after--
Conquest?
I'm a conquistador.
We hear Joyce's words but her lips don't move.
You sure it isn't comfort?
I'm a comfortador also.
She leans seductively against the door frame.
I do know the difference. I've learned about boys.
That's cool about you.
It's very late. Would you like to rest for a while?
Pan over to her bed; the covers are turned down. Xander looks from the bed to her.
Yeah. (confident) I'd like you. I'm just... going to go to the bathroom first.
Don't get lost.
She slinks into her room and Xander turns and enters the bathroom.
Xander enters the bathroom, closes the door, lifts the toilet lid and unzips his pants. He looks to the side and sees a lab full of Initiative personnel watching him: scientists in white coats in the foreground, writing on clipboards; soldiers in the background wearing fatigues.
Xander raises his eyebrows and zips his pants back up.
Okay, I'm going to find another bathroom.
He opens the door and leaves, still watching them over his shoulder. He crosses the hall and goes through the opposite door.
The basement is dark. The door at the top of the stairs is closed, the doorknob rattling ominously.
I didn't order any vampires.
The knob rattles louder. Now there's pounding on the door. Xander backs away.
That's not the way out.
Bright daylight. Giles and SPIKE swing on the swings, both dressed in British tweed. Buffy plays in the sandbox. Xander approaches them.
Hey, there you are.
Buffy dumps sand in a pail with a plastic shovel.
Are you sure it's us you were looking for?
Giles here is going to teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff.
Spike's like a son to me.
Giles and Spike smile at each other and swing higher.
That's good. I was into that for a while but... I got other stuff going on.
He looks to the street. In the distance, an ice-cream truck sits surrounded by kids. Xander is also in the truck, wearing his striped shirt and hat, serving ice cream to kids.
You gotta have something. (to Buffy) Gotta be with moving forward.
Like a shark.
Like a shark with feet and... much less fins.
And on land!
Very good!
Buffy, are you sure you want to play there? It's a pretty big sandbox.
Buffy pouts like a rebuked child.
Buffy against a desert backdrop: she stands alone among the shifting dunes.
I'm okay. It's not coming for me yet.
I just mean... you can't protect yourself from... some stuff.
I'm way ahead of you, big brother.
Brother?
Buffy looks at him, expressionless. Spike and Giles swing higher and higher.
Go on, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity.
Buffy and Xander watch each other curiously. The Xander in the ice cream truck takes in the tableau, then pulls back from the serving window.
Xander pulls back from the window and goes to the driver's seat; the truck is already in motion, tree-lined streets flash by. Anya sits in the passenger seat and looks over at him.
Do you know where you're going?
Xander looks at her, surprised.
I've been thinking about getting back into vengeance.
Is that right?
Well, you know how I miss it. I'm so at loose ends since I quit. I think this is going to be a very big year for vengeance.
But isn't vengeance kind of... vengeful?
You don't want me to have a hobby.
Not a vengeance hobby, no! It's dangerous. People can't do anything they want. Society has rules and borders and an end zone. It doesn't matter if--
He turns at the sound of giggling form the rear of the truck. Willow and Tara are in the back. Willow wears a sexy black bustier, Tara in a short black skirt and revealing white blouse. Willow's hand is on Tara's thigh. They nuzzle and caress each other.
Do you mind? I'm talking to my demon.
Sorry.
Xander stares at them and both girls smile seductively at him. Tara's speaks but her lips don't move.
We just think you're really interesting.
Oh, I'm going places.
I'm way ahead of you.
Willow strokes Tara and whispers in her ear. They both snicker.
Is that right?
Watch this.
Willow draws Tara toward her. Xander's eyes go wide as soft moans and the sound of kissing drifts from the back of the truck.
Do you want to come in the back with us?
Xander stares, dumb-founded
Oh, go on.
I don't have to.
I'll be fine. I think I've figured out how to steer by gesturing emphatically.
Xander looks at Anya who mimes steering the truck, then gets up and walks to the back of the truck. The girls are gone.
He climbs onto the back shelf and shoves a cooler out of the way, then falls down onto the floor in his basement.
Xander looks around, exasperated.
Girls?
The upstairs doorknob begins rattling again and the door shakes under heavy pounding from the other side. Xander looks up, scared.
I know what's up there!
He backs away and turns to find the Cheese Man holding a plate of cheese slices.
These... will not protect you.
More pounding and now growling as well. Xander hurries past the Cheese Man and out the back door.
Xander wanders the hallways of Sunnydale High but the colors are off-- shades of purple and green-- and a strange humming persists throughout scene.
Xander pushes his way past students talking in the halls. Looking over his shoulder, he glimpses a shadowy figure through the crowd, pursuing him. Panicked, he turns to find Giles leaning against the wall, eating an apple.
Giles.
Xander, what are you doing here?
What's after me?
It's because of what we did, I know that.
What we did?
Now the others have gone on ahead. (points down the hall) Now listen very carefully. Your life may depend on what I'm about to tell you. You need...
Giles words change from English to French mid-sentence.
...la maison dormant. Tes copains sont là ayant un rêve merveilleux et rentrant dans leur vie normale. La créature ne peut pas te faire de mal. (...to go back to the house where you're asleep. Your friends are having a wonderful dream and returning to their normal lives. The creature can't hurt you.)
What? Go where? I don't understand.
Ah, dit donc! Ce n'est pas le temps pour les jeux idiots! (Oh, bloody hell! This is not the time for stupid games.)
Anya rushes up to them, worried.
Xander. Il faut que tu viens avec nous maintenant. On t'attends. (You have to come with us now. They're waiting for you.)
C'est que j'ai vous dire. (That's what I said.)
Honey, I don't... I can't hear you.
Anya takes his hand.
C'est pas importante. Je t'escorte. (It's not important. I'll take you.)
Allons-y la. (Let's go.)
Giles also takes Xander's hand, trying to pull him down the hall. A student whizzes by on a skateboard, pushing Xander along as well.
Wait! Where are we going? Where? (he struggles) Hey!
The crowd picks him up and carries him.
Let go! Hey!
Xander trudges through the jungle in green Army fatigues, hands cuffed behind his back. Another soldier holds him at gunpoint.
The room is dark with red lights dimly illuminating the scene. Soldiers push Xander to his knees before a cot with a shadowy figure reclining on it. SNYDER turns to Xander, a towel wrapped around his sweaty brow.
Where are you from, Harris?
Well, the basement, mostly.
Were you born there?
Possibly.
I walked by your guidance counselor's office one time. A bunch of you were sitting there... waiting to be shepherded. I remember it smelled like dead flowers. Like decay. Then it hit me. The hope of our nation's future is a bunch of mulch.
You know, I never got the chance to tell you how glad I was you were eaten by a snake.
Snyder sits up slowly, sweating profusely.
Where are you heading?
Well, I'm supposed to meet Tara and Willow. And possibly Buffy's mom.
Snyder lifts water from a bowl and pours it over his head.
Your time is running out.
No, I'm just trying to get away. There's... something I can't fight.
Are you a soldier?
He shakes his head.
I'm a comfortador.
You're neither. You're a whipping boy. Raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial stone.
I'm getting a cramp.
He stands, looking around.
A dark shadow crouches behind the trellis. It growls and Xander backs away. He runs to Giles' front door and into the apartment.
Giles, it's here!
It's more serious than we thought.
Giles, Buffy and Anya stand over Willow who lies in a chair, gasping and choking. They all ignore Xander. A helicopter flies overheard.
Giles!
I can fight anything. Right?
Maybe we should slap her.
Xander runs past them, down the hall, and emerges in Buffy's dorm.
Students mill around, chattering. Xander moves through the corridors and into Buffy and Willow's room.
Buffy?
The room is empty. Xander hears a low growling behind him and yanks open the closet door. He fights his way past Buffy's wardrobe into a dark room. Light streams in horizontal bands through Venetian blinds. He runs through a dark brick- lined hall and emerges in his basement.
Xander stops and looks around, confused. Something bangs on the upstairs door and the knob rattles violently. He climbs the stairs hesitantly.
That's not the way out.
The door suddenly bursts open and Xander's father stands silhouetted in the doorway. MR. HARRIS glowers down at his son.
What the hell is wrong with you? You won't come upstairs? What are you... ashamed of us? Your mother's crying her guts out!
You don't understand.
Mr. Harris starts down the stairs, angry.
No. You don't understand. The line ends here with us and you're not going to change that.
Xander is unable to meet his father's glare.
You haven't got the heart.
Suddenly his father rams his hand into Xander's chest. Xander looks down in shock and pain. The hand is wrapped in rags. He looks up, scared, into a pair of feral eyes surrounded by dark stringy hair. Grey skin. Xander's scream is choked off as his heart is ripped out.
Back to scene. Xander writhes and gasps on the floor, still asleep but in pain.
Pan to Giles, sleeping in the chair. Zoom in on Giles' face.
A pocket watch on a chain swings back and forth slowly.
You have to stop thinking.
Buffy's face, looking pleased. The reflection of the watch moves across her face.
Let it wash over you.
Don't you think it's a little old-fashioned?
This is the way women and men have behaved since the beginning... before time.
Giles' apartment is empty, no furniture except the one chair occupied by Buffy. Giles stands in front of her with the pocket watch.
Now look into the light.
Buffy suddenly bursts out laughing.
A hedge cut into the shape of an elephant, covered with Christmas-lights. People wander through the park, enjoying the night. A circus huckster calls out in the distance.
Buffy, wearing overalls and pigtails, pulls Giles along by the hand.
Come on! Come on!
OLIVIA walks beside Giles, pushing an empty baby carriage.
We're going to miss all the good stuff.
Does she always want to train this badly?
Well, it appears she's never heard the fable about patience.
Buffy pulls them through crowds of people, carnival booths and colorful lights.
Which one is that?
The one about the fox and the... less patient fox.
Buffy stops in front of a game booth, jumping up and down enthusiastically.
Here! I want to! I want to!
Yes, go ahead.
A cheesy-looking vampire stands before a big, cartoonish coffin, chanting electronically: "I am a vampire!" Buffy throws a yellow ball at it and misses by a mile.
Buffy, you have a sacred birthright to protect mankind.
Buffy turns to him, pouting.
Don't stick out your elbow.
Chastised, Buffy picks up another ball and throws it dead center into the dummy's chest. It falls backward.
Ahh, you staked me!
Buffy spins around, grinning with delight. Giles looks unimpressed.
I haven't got any treats.
For god's sake, Rupert, go easy on the girl.
Buffy picks up a spool of cotton candy.
This is my business. Blood of the lamb and all that. (to Buffy) Oh, now you're going to get that all over your face.
Buffy turns and her face is covered in mud. A brief flash of Buffy's face in negative. Giles frowns in confusion and his features blur.
I know you.
Hey!
Giles turns to find Spike standing near the entrance to his crypt.
Come on! You're going to miss everything!
He turns and ducks into the crypt.
Giles enters the crypt. Candles light the room melodramatically and the wail of tortured souls echoes eerily in the background. Olivia sits on a coffin, crying next to the overturned baby carriage.
Don't push me around. You know I have a great deal to do.
Scene shift to black & white: a group of people with cameras stand before Spike.
I've hired myself out as an attraction.
He strikes a threatening pose. The crowd oohs and ahhs, their flashes popping off in a dazzling flurry.
Shift to color: Giles stares at Spike, incredulous.
Sideshow freak?
Black & white: Spike flips up the collar of his coat.
Well, at least it's showbiz.
Color: Giles looks at Olivia, then back at Spike in confusion.
What am I supposed to do with all of this?
Black & white.
You gotta make up your mind, Rupes. What are you wasting your time for?
Pose, flashbulbs.
Haven't you figured it all out yet, with your enormous squishy frontal lobes?
Color.
I still think Buffy should have killed you.
Black & white: Spike scowls at him and strikes a Jesus-on-the-cross pose.
Color: the Cheese Man steps in front of Giles. He has slices of American cheese covering his bald head.
I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
Honestly, you meet the most appalling sort of people.
Giles heads out through a back door in the crypt and finds himself in the Bronze.
Young people talk, laugh, drink. The stage is lit but there's no band and no music. Giles walks over to a sofa where Willow and Xander look through old magick books. Giles realizes he's holding one himself.
I'm so sorry I'm late. There's a great deal going on. And all at once!
He sits down opposite them.
Don't we know it. Only at death's door over here. Look at Xander!
She pulls back Xander's jacket to reveal his torn t-shirt and the bloody stain on his chest where his heart was ripped out.
Got the sucking chest wound swingin'. I promised Anya I'd be there for her big night. Now I'll probably be pushing up daisies, in the sense of being in the ground underneath them and fertilizing the soil with decomposition.
Anya mounts the stage nervously, clutching a piece of paper, and approaches the mike.
Okay. A man walks into the office of a doctor. He's wearing on his head, um... (looks down at paper) Wait, there's a duck. Is that right?
You suck!
Quiet! You'll miss the humorous conclusion.
She's doing quite well.
Do you know this is your fault?
We have to think of the facts, Willow. I'm very busy. I have a gig myself, you know.
Something's after us. It's like some primal... some animal force.
That used to be us.
Don't get linear on me now, man.
Back on stage.
And then the duck tells the doctor that there's a man attached to my ass.
The crowd and Xander laugh heartily.
See, it was the duck-- and not the man-- that spoke.
She smiles proudly to great applause, then leaves the stage.
Rupert. You've gotta focus. You must have some kind of explanation. If we don't know what we're fighting, I don't think we stand a chance.
Giles frowns and begins to sing.
It's strange, It's not like anything we've faced before.
He gets up and moves to the stage. A piano player and a guitarist accompany Giles as he takes the mike. The crowd cheers enthusiastically.
It seems familiar somehow. Of course! The spell we cast with Buffy Must have released some primal evil That's come back seeking I'm not sure what Willow, look through the chronicles For some reference To a warrior beast I've got to warn Buffy There's every chance she might be next Xander, help Willow...
Willow and Xander hold up lit cigarette lighters while they research.
And try not to bleed on my couch, I've just had it steam-cleaned. No, wait...
Loud feedback. The mike goes dead and the band stops playing. Giles looks confused and drops to his knees and follows the microphone cord backstage.
Giles follows the mike cord to a big pile of tangled electrical cords. He digs in it and removes his pocket watch and chain.
Well, that was obvious.
Reveal the dark-haired savage braced on the wall above him, holding a crude knife.
I know who you are.
Now the weapon looks like a stake.
And I can defeat you with my intellect.
The creature stalks him from behind.
I can cripple you with my thoughts. Of course, you underestimate me. You couldn't know.
The primitive seizes Giles' head from behind and rips the knife/stake across his forehead. Blood wells out of the wound and courses down his face. Giles mouth does not move as he speaks.
You never had a Watcher.
Back to scene. Giles jerks spasmodically in his sleep and drops his glasses on the floor.
Resume. Focus on Buffy sleeping on the sofa, covered with a blanket.
Buffy! Wake up!
Buffy opens her eyes. She lies on her bed in her dorm room. She frowns and looks over at Anya, who lies in Willow's bed under the covers.
Buffy, you have to wake up right away!
I'm not really in charge of these things.
She closes her eyes again.
Please wake up. Oh, please.
I need my beauty sleep. So stop it, okay?
She rolls over onto her back to find the savage hanging from the ceiling above her. It rages at her.
Buffy jerks awake, then lies back.
Later. Buffy stands in the doorway of her bedroom, looking curiously at her bed.
Faith and I just made that bed.
For who?
I thought you were here to tell me. (beat) The guys aren't here, are they? We were going to hang out and watch movies--
You lost them.
No. (confused) No. I think they need me to find them.
Buffy glances to the clock next to the bed; it shows 7:30 AM.
It's so late.
Oh... that clock's completely wrong. Here.
Tara's holds out a Tarot card to Buffy.
I'm never going to use those.
You think you know. What you are. What's to come. You haven't even begun.
The bed is now neatly made. Buffy frowns and heads out the door.
I think I need to go find the others.
Be back before dawn.
Buffy walks through the halls wearing a flowered dress. She speaks to a student walking past.
Have you seen my friends? They wouldn't just disappear.
He shakes his head and walks on. Buffy looks around, moving down the hall as if in a daze. She notices a hole in the wall. The plaster is torn back, revealing a layer of bricks with a six-inch hole.
Mom?
Joyce's face appears in the hole.
Oh! Hi, honey.
Why are you living in the walls?
Oh, sweetie, no, I'm fine here. Don't worry about me.
Buffy tries to peer inside the hole.
It looks dirty.
Well, it seems that way to you. I made some lemonade and I'm learning how to play Mah Jong. You go find your friends.
I think they might be in danger.
Joyce laughs out loud and Buffy looks confused.
I'm sorry, dear. A mouse is playing with my knees.
I really don't think you should live in there.
Buffy looks over and sees Xander climbing the stairs toward her.
Well... you could probably break through the wall.
Buffy ignores her and walks toward the stairs. Joyce wistfully watches her go.
A map of the world dominates one wall. Riley and ADAM sit around a glass conference table dressed in dark business suits. A pistol rests on the table between them. This Adam is fully human, the man he was before Maggie Walsh's disfiguring experiments.
Buffy enters and approaches them.
Hey there, killer.
Riley? You're back.
I never left.
But how did the debriefing go?
I told you not to worry about that. It went great. They made me Surgeon General.
Why didn't you come and tell me? We could have celebrated.
Oh. We're drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffee makers that think.
World domination? Is that a good?
Baby, we're the government. It's what we do.
She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. Though you and me come by it another way.
The savage appears briefly behind Buffy.
We're not demons.
Is that a fact?
Buffy, we've got important work here. A lot of filing, giving things names.
What was yours?
Before Adam? Not a man among us can remember.
The lights go out and blue emergency floods kick in. Distant sound of doors clanging shut reverberate through the room. Shadows scurry in the background.
The demons have escaped. Please run for your lives.
Adam and Riley stand, all business.
This could be trouble.
We'd better make a fort.
I'll get some pillows.
He and Riley leave Buffy alone and nervous. The shadowy figures seem to be moving closer. Buffy looks down to find her weapons bag lying at her feet.
Wait! I have weapons!
She sits on the floor and opens the bag only to find it full of mud. Buffy frowns and shoves her hands in the mud swirling them around, then smears the mud on her face. She reaches in for more, rubbing it all over her face as the scene flashes briefly into photo-negative.
Buffy raises her mud-covered face, a look of resolve crossing her features.
Thought you were looking for your friends. Okay, killer. If that's the way you want it, I guess you're on your own.
He turns his back on her and walks off.
Buffy crouches on the floor, pinned in a sudden beam of sunlight. She stands up and follows the light.
CU on Buffy's feet, walking. The concrete floor of the Initiative gradually turns to rippled sand.
Buffy passes a palm tree and finds herself in the desert. A hauntingly ethereal female voice lilts like a soft breeze. Mountains rise in the distance. A light wind ruffles her hair and dress.
I'm never going to find them here.
She looks up to find Tara in the distance, walking toward her.
Tara has her hair up and wears a matching pink ankle-length skirt and top, her midriff exposed.
Of course not. That's the reason you came.
Tara fades out and reappears closer, facing Buffy.
You're not in my dream.
I was borrowed. Someone has to speak for her.
Let her speak for herself. That's what's done in polite circles.
The savage approaches Buffy from behind and then warily circles her. We finally see her for what she is: a primitive woman from the dawn of human evolution. Her hair is long with thick dreadlocks and her fingers end in sharp nails, almost claws. The dark skin of her face is painted with mud and she is dressed in ragged animal skins. This is SINEYA, the First Slayer. She crouches low and approaches Buffy warily.
Why do you follow me?
Sineya shakes her head.
I don't.
Where are my friends?
Sineya backs away from Buffy.
You're asking the wrong questions.
Make her speak.
I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound.
Sineya straightens up, looking Buffy in the eye.
I am destruction. Absolute... alone.
The Slayer.
The First.
Buffy holds a deck of Tarot-type cards. She looks down at the top card: it shows Giles, Buffy, Willow, and Xander in Joyce's living room watching TV.
I am not alone.
Tara in b.g, Sineya in m.g., and Buffy in f.g.
The Slayer does not walk in this world.
I walk. (beat) I talk. I shop, I sneeze. I'm going to be a fireman when the floods roll back. (to Sineya) There's trees in the desert since you moved out and I don't sleep on a bed of bones.
Sineya shakes her head defiantly.
Now give me back my friends.
The First Slayer speaks in a low, grating voice.
No... friends! Just the kill. We... are... alone!
The Cheese Man leans into frame between Buffy and the First Slayer and holds up two slices of cheese. He grins as he shakes the cheese at Buffy, then disappears.
That's it. I'm waking up.
The First Slayer attacks Buffy, pushes her to the ground and slams her head down. African drums beat in the background. Buffy rolls Sineya off her and they both leap to their feet.
Sineya punches her Buffy and she falls backward in slow-motion.
Resume real-time. Buffy rolls to her feet and kicks Sineya in the back.
Slow motion: the First Slayer falls backward from the kick.
Real-time: the First Slayer gets up and faces off with Buffy who shakes her head.
It's over. We don't do this any more.
Sineya launches herself at Buffy and tackles her to the ground. The two of them tumble down the side of a sand dune. As they roll to a stop, Buffy yells at Sineya.
Enough!
Buffy wakes up on the floor. She lifts her head and looks around at Giles, Willow and Xander sleeping soundly. Buffy groans and starts to get up as the First Slayer drops onto Buffy from above with a snarl. She starts stabbing repeatedly at Buffy with a stake. Buffy lies beneath her, rolling her eyes in exasperation.
Are you quite finished?
Sineya pulls her stake out of the floor.
It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you and you're going to go away.
The First Slayer pulls back and Buffy sits up, then stands.
You're really going to have to get over the whole primal power thing.
Sineya stares at Buffy, perplexed.
You're not the source of me.
Buffy picks up her blanket and sits back down on the sofa next to Willow.
Also, in terms of hair care, you really want to say, "What kind of impression am I making in the workplace?" 'Cause--
Buffy wakes up on the sofa. She looks around warily as Giles, Willow and Xander awaken as well. All of them look at each other, not quite believing what they've just experienced.
The four of them sit around the dining room table discussing their shared dreams.
The First Slayer. Wow.
Not big with the socialization.
Or the floss.
Somehow our joining with Buffy and... invoking the essence of the Slayer's power was an affront to the source of that power.
You know, you could have brought that up to us before we did it.
I did. I said there could be dire consequences.
Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.
Joyce enters in her bathrobe.
I'm guessing I missed some fun?
The spirit of the First Slayer tried to kill us in our dreams.
Oh. You want some hot chocolate?
Everyone nods enthusiastically.
Xander?
Yes, what, Joyce? (nervous) Uh... Buffy's mom.
Be my kitchen buddy again. Help me carry?
Yes. Sure. Buffy's mom.
You all right?
Yeah. I think I might jump in the shower.
You seem a bit...
A little. (pensive) The First Slayer. I never really thought about it. (sigh) It was intense. I guess you guys got a taste of that, huh?
Willow nods.
Yeah, from now on, you keep your Slayer friends out of my dreams. Is that clear?
Buffy smiles.
It's not good for the sleepin'.
Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. I don't know where the hell that came from.
She exits as the others look up in surprise.
Buffy walks down the hall toward the bathroom. She frowns, turns, and looks into her bedroom. She lingers in the doorway for a moment, silently pondering her neatly-made bed.
You think you know. What you are. What's to come. You haven't even begun.
Pull back from the darkened bedroom, Buffy framed in the doorway. She slowly backs away, turns and exits scene.