[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Checkpoint at buffyology.com.]
TARA, ANYA, WILLOW, GILES and XANDER are gathered in the Summers living room. Xander's broken wrist is in a sling. BUFFY hurriedly cleans up the room.
Here, I'll get that. Sorry. Mom's still not a hundred percent and I guess I haven't really been taking up the slack.
No, the place looks fine, Buffy.
Yeah, it's just us.
Buffy picks up a sweater left behind by Riley and looks at it wistfully.
That must have belonged to... aren't we supposed to have a meeting?
Yes, yes, we're here for a reason. I've had some rather... well, I've had some news. It seems that the Council of Watchers has found some information that may help us out.
About Glory?
Presumably. We'll find that out when they arrive. Could be very important.
Arrive? They're coming here? Now? Why do they have to come here?
Yeah, don't they have phones? (mock British accent) "Allo, Buffy, here's some stuff we know, pip pip."
Yeah! Phones. See, I'd like them on phones.
Well, what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, Watchers... that's just like other Gileses, right?
Yeah, they're scary and horrible!
They, well, they can appear a bit... well, hard-nosed but essentially, their agenda is the same as ours. They want to save the world and kill demons.
Kill the current demons, right? Current demons.
Giles, I don't want them to come here. I don't trust them. Make them not come here.
They're probably already on their way. Our old friend Quentin Travers is heading up the delegation.
They put me through that test and it almost killed me. And then, when I was Faith, they almost killed me again. Honestly, I really can't handle almost being killed right now.
I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex-demon compatible.
Are you sure they're English? I thought English people were gentler than normal...
Maybe it won't be so bad this time. I mean, Buffy, they did think you were Faith last time. Now that they know you're just you, maybe they won't care enough to kill you.
It's not just that. They're going to screw everything up. It's a delicate time right now. I have to take care of Dawn and--
But that's not new. You've always taken care of her.
Right. Right, I know that, it's just, you know, there's Glory and...
DAWN stands the stairs, listening in.
...and I don't need the Council looking over my shoulder when I don't even know what we're dealing with.
Well, that's precisely why we need to talk to them.
JOYCE comes down the stairs and sees Dawn.
Dawn, honey, what are you doing up at this hour? Go back to bed.
Buffy hears Joyce and her eyes go wide with alarm.
I was just getting a snack.
Dawn, are you listening?
I can get a snack if I want to.
Dawn turns and goes back upstairs.
She was listening.
Does it matter? I mean, is she really going to set the junior high school buzzing with "Oh, there's a delegation a-coming"?
No, I guess not. You know, it's just... sometimes we say stuff and... it's all good. Giles, you were saying something?
Just that if the Council knows something about Glory, her agenda or her origins, then... (sighs) then maybe it will help us get a grip on what we're dealing with. Right now, I think we're a bit lost.
GLORY sits on the floor of her bedroom, panting and sweating profusely. She's pale and in pain. The door bursts open and DREG enters with JINX, another monk-like demon from his order. They drag a MAILMAN with them.
Mistress, at last we've found one.
They throw him to the floor next to Glory.
Look, don't hurt me. I beg of you, if you just let me go, I swear I won't tell anyone.
Dreg pulls him upright.
Help her!
Jinx goes to Glory and drags her toward the mailman.
We're here for you, great one.
Glory struggles to her knees and the demons lift her hands to the mailman's head.
What...?
Drink!
What is this? What the... what the hell are you things doing to me?
Glory puts her fingers on the sides of his head and then pushes them into his head. Instead of blood, yellow light streams out as Glory pushes her hands deeper into his brain. Both Glory and the mailman scream and, after a moment, the light stops and they both fall to the floor.
Very good, delicious.
Glory lies on the floor panting and smiling. She's back to normal. Jinx moves toward her but she stops him.
No, I'm good. It's okay.
She looks over at the mailman in disgust and smacks the side of his head. He sits up, then stands.
I know you're all always looking at me. I can tell. Always tell. I can see. My hat! Where's my hat?
Try not cutting things so close next time, understood?
Yes, we live to serve.
As always.
Cool. (to Jinx; re: mailman) Take this mess out with the rest of the trash. (to Dreg) And you... have something to tell me?
Indeed, Glorificus.
Well, I'm waiting.
We have found that the signs of the alignment are moving faster than expected.
Meaning?
If you are to use the Key, you must act quickly.
Fine. I have been cooling my heels in this crappy little town long enough. Sunnydale's got too many demons and not enough retail outlets.
All you need is the Key.
Yes, and I bet Mousy the Vampire Slayer has an idea where it is.
If I may remind your eminence... you don't have much time.
Baby, if that girl's the only thing between me and my Key? I don't need much time.
Opening credit sequence.
Giles talks with a female customer.
Well, if you're serious about these matters, all right, but you need to be very careful. Measure precisely and please don't skip ahead.
No, he's quite right.
Reveal QUENTIN TRAVERS with six other members of the Watcher's Council behind him. Travers takes a book from Giles and looks at it.
You wouldn't want to do anything dangerous. Turn the wrong person into a badger.
Giles gives the book to the customer and she smiles and moves off.
Quentin. I didn't realize you were here.
Well, evidently.
Been a while. I see you've brought some of our... colleagues with you. Would you care to introduce us?
Well, first I thought we might catch up.
The other Watchers begin to spread out through the store.
Well, certainly, certainly. Well, this is the shop, obviously. It's been a very interesting transition into the world of retail but I think it's gone rather well. I'll give you the grand tour if you like.
No, that's all right, I think I can see what you've been up to.
Anya appears behind the counter.
Yes, well, I do limit my time here, obviously.
NIGEL, one of the Watchers, moves behind the counter and starts inspecting the racks of magick ingredients. Anya eyes him suspiciously.
Buffy and I have been training a great deal these days. There's a back room--
Oh, yes. I thought perhaps you were keeping that space for the really dangerous items that should be kept out of the public's hands. Or maybe you don't worry about that.
I'm very careful.
Nigel approaches, holding up a vial, and hands it to Travers.
Most of this stuff couldn't harm anyone. Incense, dime store trinkets... but there are some things.
I'm sorry, who are you?
A female Watcher, ELIZABETH, speaks up from the rear of the store.
There are some very potent elements here... focusing crystals, runic artifacts, an Amulet of Cauldis... also this statue.
She holds up a statue about two feet tall.
Its removal from Burma is a criminal offense... and when triggered, it has the power to melt human eyeballs.
She hands the statue to Travers and walks off.
In that case, I severely underpriced it.
Giles, sorry, but this is just for the duration of our stay. I think you can see why.
Nigel takes the book from Giles.
What is just for the duration?
Nigel stands in the middle of store and speaks loudly.
Magic Box shoppers! We're going to have to ask you to leave. The store is closing early today.
A third Watcher, PHILLIP, takes an item away from a customer.
Terribly sorry for the inconvenience.
The perplexed customers begin to file out as Anya looks at Giles, alarmed.
Hey! Giles, what are they doing? Customers! Please bring your money back.
As the Watchers escort the customers out, Giles glares at Travers.
You knew you were going to do this before you even saw the place.
I'm sorry. It's just for the duration of the Council's review.
Council? You're the Council? (smiles) Welcome to our store. We're closed now. I'll be in the back.
What review, Quentin? Let's just stop a moment and talk about this.
Miss, excuse me... you work here?
Anya turns to him apprehensively.
Yes, I do. Ever since I moved here from southeastern Indiana, where I was raised by both a mother and a father.
Anya, just go. You don't have to talk to him.
Anya looks relieved and leaves.
She works for me. Now tell me about this review. No one said anything to me about this.
Let's sit down and talk about it over here.
The Watchers silently surround Giles.
You all stand around and look somber. (beat) Good job.
You used to respect us, Giles. You used to be one of us.
You used to pay me. If you recall, firing me was not my idea.
Touché. But you were on the inside once. You know what sort of resources we command.
One of the Watchers puts a suitcase on the table, opens it, takes out some papers and puts them in front of Travers while another one pours him a cup of tea.
We've discovered information about this creature, your Glory. Some of it is clearly vital, the rest merely extremely disturbing. And it won't be handed over until we're convinced that you and your Slayer are prepared for it. Thus the review.
I'm not having you put her through another one of your insane tests.
It's not a test. It's a check of her methods. We need to know that this information is safe.
You can trust her. Buffy's come very far recently. She's acquired a remarkable focus.
Buffy sits among the students, yawning, while PROFESSOR ROBERTS lectures. Buffy taps her pencil, trying to stay awake and the girl next to her shoots her an annoyed look.
Now, Rasputin was associated with a certain obscure religious sect. They held the tenet that in order to be forgiven, one first had to sin. Rasputin embraced this doctrine and proceeded to sin impressively and repeatedly. The notion that he was, in fact, evil gained strength years later when the conspirators who set out to kill him found it nearly impossible to do so.
Nearly impossible?
I'm sorry, there's a question?
The students look to Buffy.
Miss Summers, of course.
Buffy makes a pained face, then stands up as the professor gives her a withering look.
About, you know, killing him... you know, they poisoned him and they beat him and they shot him and he didn't die.
Until they rolled his body in a carpet and drowned him in a canal.
But there are reported sightings of him as late as the 1930s, aren't there?
I can assure you there is near-consensus in the academic community regarding the death of Rasputin.
There was also near-consensus about Columbus until someone asked the Vikings what they were up to in the 1400s and they're like, "Discovering this America-shaped continent." I just... I'm only saying it might be interesting if we came at it from, you know, a different perspective, that's all.
Well, I'm sorry if you find these facts so boring, Miss Summers. Maybe you'd prefer I step aside so that you can teach your own course. Speculation 101 perhaps? (students laugh) Intro to Flights of Fancy?
I only meant--
What was it you were going on about last week? Mysterious sleeping patterns of the Prussian generals? Now some of us are here to learn. Believe it or not, we're interested in finding out what actually happened. It's called studying history. You can sit down now. Unless you have something else to add, professor?
Buffy scowls and sits.
Buffy takes out her frustrations on a vampire. She punctuates her words with vicious blows.
Miss Summers! Some of us are here to learn, professor! Maybe you'd like to teach your own class!
Who are you talking to?
Buffy charges the vampire and he punches her square in the face. She spins around from the blow, gets her bearings and turns to attack again.
SPIKE suddenly flies over the headstone and tackles the vampire from behind, knocking him to the ground. As he gets up, Spike kicks him, then quickly stakes him. Spike grins at Buffy, who stalks forward.
Spike... why did you do that?
Not for money, if that's what you're thinking. Your heartfelt gratitude's plenty. (beat) I expect I'll be getting that any moment.
Gratitude. For getting in my way?
Getting in your way? I saved you.
I was regrouping.
You were about to be regrouped into separate piles. You needed help.
I didn't need you. I never need you, Spike.
She turns and stalks off.
Oh, I get it. You just don't like who did the rescuin', that's all. Wishin' I was your boyfriend what's-his-face. Oh wait, he's run off.
You know what? I don't need a boyfriend, to rescue me or for any other reason.
Don't need or can't keep? You keep making notches in the headboard but eventually they get up out of the bed and run off, don't they?
You're disgusting.
Oh, rough talk. Maybe that's your problem, maybe you push 'em away. Or is it the other? Maybe you cling too much. Or maybe... your beauty's fading, the stress of slaying aging you prematurely. Things not as high, not as firm.
You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't.
Or maybe you just don't hold their interest.
He walks off, leaving Buffy speechless.
BEN walks around the corner, wearing scrubs and putting on his jacket. As he passes a storage room, Jinx grabs him.
Begging permission to speak with you, sir.
He pulls Ben into the empty room.
Don't touch me. You're crusty. What do you want?
Oh, not me, the magnificent Glory. She wants. She wants more information on the Slayer. She knows you know her.
The Slayer? I don't know any Slayer. Get away from me. You shouldn't be here.
Oh, I believe you do, sir. She's short, symmetrical, hair on top? Buffy something.
Buffy Summers is the Slayer?
That's the one! Very clever of you, sir.
The Slayer... how does Glory know this?
I do not know, I was not there. But the beauteous Glory said for you to tell us please, where her dwelling is, who her friends are...
Why? So Glory can find her, do something to her? Why would I do that?
I don't know, sir. She just said to tell you to do it. For her. That was her message.
Well, I've got a message for Glory, too.
Giles comes out of the back room, followed by the other Watchers.
We've been developing sort of a hybrid fighting style. Let me outline her progress for you and I think you'll see that your review isn't strictly needed.
Buffy enters, sees the Watchers, and instantly heads back out the door.
Bad day. Bad, bad--
Miss Summers, good to see you again.
Buffy stops and reluctantly closes the door behind her.
Mr. Travers.
Giles has just been telling us of your training regimen. Perhaps you'll favor us with a demonstration while we're here.
Right now?
No need to rush you.
They're... staying a little longer than I'd anticipated.
We've already laid out our project for Mr. Giles. Nigel?
It's an exhaustive examination of your procedures and abilities. We'll observe your training, talk to your friends--
Talk to my friends?
Yes, we understand you're still taking civilians out on patrols.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
Buffy... I can sense your resistance and I don't blame you. But I think your Watcher hasn't reminded you lately of the resolute status of the players in our little game. The Council fights evil. The Slayer is the instrument by which we fight. The Council remains, the Slayers change. It's been that way from the beginning,
Well, that's a very comforting, bloodless way of looking at it, isn't it?
Giles, let me talk to Buffy because I think she's understanding me. (to Buffy) Glory is stronger than you. She's a more powerful instrument, if you will. We can help you. We have information that will help. Pass the review and we give it to you without reservation. Fail the review, either through incompetence, or by resisting our recommendations...
Resisting your recommendations? She fails if we don't do whatever you say! How much under your thumb do you think we are?
How much do you want our help?
Giles towers over Travers; the other Watchers restrain him.
She's not your bloody instrument and you have no right to do any of this!
Giles!
Giles shakes off the Watchers and moves away, frustrated.
I understand you think this is unfair. But there are factors which should motivate you to go along with the review. Now, I don't want to do this but obviously we could shut this place down permanently.
You can't do that. You don't have that kind of power.
Of course we do and a great deal more. In fact, if you insist on fighting us, we'll arrange to have Mr. Giles deported within the day. Never set foot in this country again. Now perhaps you're used to idle threats and sloppy discipline, Miss Summers, but you're dealing with grownups now. (beat) Am I making myself clear?
Buffy looks angrily from Travers to Giles, then back. She glares at Travers, cold hate in her eyes.
Jinx enters, holding his head down to hide his face.
Jinx... hey, what's the deal with your face?
Jinx lifts his head to reveal his face is bruised and bloody. Glory stands in front of a vanity with a towel wrapped around her.
It's a message from Ben. He... isn't going to help.
Isn't go-- (bemused) Isn't going to help?
No.
All he has to do is turn over that tiny squirming Slayer girl! I have business to do with her. If she knows where I can start looking for my Key... ah!
She looks down for a moment as a bolt of pain shoots through her head. Jinx watches anxiously. Glory calms down and approaches him.
Why won't he help? He knows her. He could go to her... he could talk to her. (irritated) He could seduce her and bang the Key out of her!
He is quite attractive.
Well, of course he's attractive! (pouts) But he drives me insane. Know what I mean?
He drives you insane?
Yeah! That's it exactly!
She rests her head on Jinx's chest.
Oh, sweet lumpy minion. You're the only one that understands. (thoughtful) Probably 'cause I haven't sucked your brain out yet. He makes me so mad. If I could just get my hands on him...
She curls her fingers into claws and Jinx cringes, anticipating the imminent loss of his mind. But after a moment, Glory shrugs and walks away.
You know? I'll just find her myself.
Buffy and Giles are alone. Buffy sits at the reading table while Giles paces.
It's a power play, that's what it is. It's about who has the power.
I'm guessing they do? Big power outage in Buffy County?
I should have set you loose on them, that's what I should have done.
Giles, that Travers guy is like sixty. I can't hit him. Can I?
I suppose not. Well, I could. I think I will.
Can they really do the stuff they threatened? Kick you out the country?
In a heartbeat. See, the rough stuff, they're all right there, a bit ham-handed, but they get it done, but this stuff, the bureaucracy, the pulling of political strings, they're the best in the world. They can kill you with the stroke of a pen. Poncy sods.
Am I going to be able to get through this review?
Well, I suppose they'll make it as difficult as they want to. The physical stuff could be a bit of a challenge.
That's not what I'm worried about. It's the other stuff. Examining decisions I've made. I mean, twice now I've been within slaying distance of Glory and twice she's kicked my ass without even tensing a muscle. And I haven't been able to figure out what she is or anything about her except that she wants the Key, which I have, and I can't even figure out if it's okay for me to tell anyone that.
Buffy, no one could have done any better than you.
But no one else is going to be asked the questions that I can't answer. (agitated) They're going to expect me to... to be like a Slayer and know stuff but I'm just me and I don't know anything and they're going to go away and they're not going to tell me how to fight Glory and I'm not going to be able to protect Dawn.
Buffy, calm down. The scandal here is not anything you've done wrong, it's the way they're behaving. Holding what they know hostage with a gun pointed at my bleeding green card, no less. (sighs) It's humiliating.
Also smart. They picked the perfect thing. I can't lose you.
Thank you.
I guess I should be getting ready. What do you think it'll be like? I mean, how do you think they'll start?
Anya and Xander are questioned by Phillip. Anya's anxiety over being questioned by the Council has her overcompensating to a spectacular degree. A false smile is plastered to her face and she speaks so fast her words come in a torrent.
Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say when I was younger and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.
Phillip makes a note on his pad.
So you spell it A-N-Y-A, yes?
Yes.
Fine. Now we can get to the questions.
Willow and Tara sit side-by-side on the bed while Nigel stands before them with a notebook.
Questions, great.
Well, we can answer questions.
Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer and about the both of you, your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
Our relationship?
We're friends.
Good friends.
Girlfriends, actually.
Yes, we're girlfriends.
We're in love. We're... lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
She puts her hand on Tara's knee.
I meant your relationship with the Slayer.
Embarrassed, Willow removes her hand from Tara's knee.
Just good friends.
Xander/Anya interrogation.
Best friends. Willow and me and Buffy. The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols and done demon research with her and everything.
Have you mastered any fighting disciplines over the years?
No.
So you have no special skills or powers or knowledge that you bring to the mix? Neither of you?
Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons!
I don't have any powers but I do help.
How? Be specific.
Last year, Willow, Giles and me combined our essences with Buffy, which isn't as weird as it sounds. We merged and I was the Heart part of a super-Buffy. Again, let me stress the not-as- weird thing.
I'm told it was all very professional.
Are you saying that the Slayer needs that level of help from you often?
No! No, she doesn't need help.
She'd be fine without us. Sometimes she goes off and does stuff without even telling us.
Not that she's like a weird loner or anything.
I'm not sure we're saying this right.
See, here's the thing. We can help because we do magicks. I'm working on this ball of sunshine thing. See, I have this theory...
It's very cool.
...and if it works, easier slaying for Buffy. Not that it's hard for her now!
Interesting. What level are you at?
Level?
Magickal proficiency level?
Oh! High! A high level. Very high. One of those... top levels.
Five!
Nigel writes this down as Willow and Tara shoot each other anxious looks.
And you're registered as practicing witches under the names as you gave them to me?
Registered?
Oh, yes! Yes, of course we're--
R-r-registered.
Do either of you know anything about the Key?
Nope, but it sounds demony to me. I don't hold with that demon nonsense.
She holds out a basket of muffins to Phillip.
Muffin? I cooked them myself.
He politely declines.
So Buffy sometimes protects you from the dangerous elements of her work?
Yes. She's saved my life lots of times. The vampires in this town hate her.
Spike is held at bay by two Watchers, one wielding a crossbow and the other a crucifix. Elizabeth stands behind them, holding a clipboard.
But we understand that you help the Slayer?
I pitch in when she pays me.
She pays you? She gives you money?
Money, a little nip of blood out of some stray victim, whatever.
Blood?
Well, if they're going to die anyway. (considers) Come to think of it, though, that's a bit scandalous, isn't it? Personally, I'm shocked. The girl's slipping.
You've noticed a decline in her work?
Oh, yeah. See the poor little twig can't keep a man. Gets her all down. A few more disappointments, she'll be cryin' on my shoulder. Mark my words.
Is that what you want? I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.
Heard of me, have you?
Elizabeth smiles shyly.
I... wrote my thesis on you.
Well, well. Isn't that neat. Tell me, pet, now we're such good friends, how's the Slayer doing? Is she okay? High marks in all categories?
Nigel covers Buffy's eyes with a blindfold. Giles and the other Watchers stand around her, watching. A punching dummy is set up nearby and Phillip stands next to it in workout clothes.
Agility, clarity, stamina and strength-- these are the qualities that the Slayer must possess to do her job.
What came after agility?
If you want her to attack the dummy--
No, no. Phillip will attack the dummy. The Slayer's job is to protect it. Do you understand?
Protect the dummy.
As if it were precious. Now getting the best of Phillip will require agility. Listening to my instructions at the same time, that will demonstrate clarity. And stamina and strength will win the long fight. Good luck.
Instructions?
Yes, I'll be telling you what to do, how to counter Phillip's attack. We assume you're familiar with the Japanese names for Aikido and jiu-jitsu moves.
Japanese?
Elizabeth clicks a stopwatch.
And go!
Whoa, hold on a second. We... you know, in America, we usually just work our way up to "go."
Phillip bows to Buffy, holding a short axe.
Sho-me-nei
Huh?
He wants you to bow. Take a bow.
Oh.
She bows in Phillip's general direction.
Phillip circles her and Buffy follows his movements. He thrusts at the dummy and Buffy blocks. Then she kicks at him and misses. She spins around and blocks his overhead punch.
Sho-men-zuki.
Phillip punches Buffy in the face.
Punch him.
Thanks, Giles.
Sorry.
Ushiro giri impiuchi.
Back kick, elbow strike.
Buffy back-kicks and Phillip dodges her. She thrusts with her elbow and he avoids it.
How have you been training her?
I've trained her to win.
Buffy realizes these methods are getting her nowhere.
You know what? I'm gonna have to do it my way, guys.
Phillip swings the weapon and she ducks. He lifts it for an overhead blow and Buffy grabs the handle, kicks him in the stomach, forces him back against the training horse and elbows him in the face. He tumbles backward over the horse, losing his grip on the weapon. His momentum whips it out of Buffy's hands and it flies backward and embeds itself in the dummy's chest, knocking it backward into Nigel.
Buffy turns around, pulling the blindfold off.
Elizabeth kneels by Nigel and clicks the stopwatch.
Uh-oh.
The others help Phillip up.
I think she just broke my rib.
Yes, well.
I didn't mean to. You know, I can do better. I think I might be getting this like inner ear thing and so maybe if I got a note, I could try again.
No, that's all right. I don't think we need to see any more physical tests for a while. We can move on to the real review. Look into your strategies, plans... figure out what's going on in that head.
Good. Head stuff.
We start at seven tonight. Give you time to... well, however you prepare.
The Watchers silently file out leaving Buffy and Giles to regard each other glumly.
Buffy enters and notes the silence.
Mom?
As she rounds the corner into the living room, she comes face-to-face with Glory.
Long day, sweetie?
Resume. Glory moves around the living room, examining it as if it were a museum exhibit. While she talks, she turns her back on Buffy who casually moves over to the fireplace.
So... this is where the Slayer eats, sleeps, and combs her hair? Oh... (re: family photo) so cute. I can't even stand it. Personally? I need more space but this is good for you. It's so quaint and...
Glory meanders to the other side of the room and Buffy slowly bends over and picks up the fire poker. When she straightens up, Glory is standing right behind her. She takes the poker from Buffy.
Buffy, if I wanted to fight, you could tell by the being dead already. So play nice, little girl.
She sits down, giggling happily.
What do you want?
The Key. Why else do you think I'd come here? See, I think you know where it is and that's a good thing.
I'm glad you think so.
Well, it's the only thing keeping you alive right now. Because you may be tiny queen in Vampire World... but to me, you're a bug. You should get down on your knees and worship me!
Dawn enters the room behind Glory. Buffy looks at Dawn in alarm and tells her to leave with a subtle look. Not understanding, Dawn approaches Glory from behind. Buffy's eyes widen in alarm.
But-- oh, no-- you still think it's neat having Slayer strength.
Dawn mouths "What?" at Buffy. She finally gets it and begins to back away.
Oh, big deal! Stronger than humans! Who isn't? I could crush the life from you as easy as you'd break a nail. But I need the Key.
Dawn turns for the stairs. Glory never takes her eyes off Buffy as she calls out to Dawn; she knew Dawn was there all along.
Kid!
Dawn stops.
Come here a sec.
Leave her out of this.
Not asking twice.
Dawn hesitantly approaches Glory from behind.
This is between you and me.
No. This is between me and my Key. You just happen to be the thing in the way.
Glory snaps her fingers and Dawn comes around the chair and stands before her.
And you are just the darlin'est thing I ever did see in my life. What's your name, honey?
Dawn.
Dawn? Did you know your sister took my Key, Dawnie? And she won't give it back! I bet you know where she put it, don't you?
She doesn't know anything.
Dawn shoots Buffy a dirty look, annoyed with Buffy's dismissive tone.
I know some stuff.
I bet she takes your stuff all the time without asking, doesn't she? Where's my Key, Dawn?
Go upstairs, Dawn.
You're always talking about stuff I'm not supposed to hear. I'm going to figure it out, you know.
Dawn turns and stalks out of the room.
Oh, I like her. She's sassy. (beat; deadly serious) And I'll kill her. I'll kill your mom, I'll kill your friends... and I'll make you watch when I do. Just give me the Key. You either have it or you know where to find it. Obviously, this is a one-time-only deal. Next time we meet, something you love dies bloody. You know you can't take me. You know you can't stop me.
She drops the poker on the floor and Buffy watches grimly as she leaves. After a moment, Joyce enters.
Buffy, who was that?
Pack a bag.
Spike is sleeping in his crypt. A ray of sunshine falls on his face as the door opens. He screams and jumps up to find Buffy standing beside his "bed."
Oh, it's the Slayer. For a second there I was worried.
He stops in surprise at the sight of Joyce and Dawn standing near the door.
So what's with the family outing?
I need your help.
Great. I need your cash.
I'm serious. You have to look after them.
Well, that's a boatload of manly responsibility to come flying out of nowhere. What's the matter, Slayer? You're not feeling a hundred percent?
No.
They didn't put a chip in your head, did they?
No!
Be funny if they did.
Spike, I need an answer. Now. In or out? You're the only one strong enough to protect them.
All right, then. (to Joyce and Dawn) Ladies... come on in. There's plenty of blood in the fridge.
Do you mean like real blood?
What do you think?
Mostly, I think "eww".
Keep Dawn here as long as you can. I'll be back soon.
Okay.
I don't think I need to remind you but--
Yeah, yeah. "Anything happens to 'em, I'll stake you good and proper." Sing me a new one sometime, eh? That bit's gone stale.
With a final withering look at Spike, Buffy leaves. Spike, Dawn and Joyce stand around awkwardly.
I love what you've... neglected to do with the place.
Just don't break anything. (turns on TV) And don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on.
Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
Spike eagerly responds, offering Joyce one of the arms of his chair. He sits with her as the TV comes on.
Oh! No, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for god's sake.
What about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're going to go through with that.
Dawn shakes her head in disgust and walks off.
The Watchers are milling about, looking at books, moving stuff around. Giles sits in a chair at the reading table while Anya, Xander, Willow and Tara sit on the balcony above, looking down.
Look at them. Big tough Council members pickin' on the books.
Fascists.
Why doesn't Mr. Giles put them all out of here?
Because if they deport him, they're not just destroying his career, they're condemning the man to a lifetime diet of blood sausage, bangers and mash.
Below. Travers walks over to Giles.
Well, your Slayer is twenty minutes late and counting, Rupert.
Buffy will be here, I assure you.
Yes, but when?
Buffy takes a shortcut through a dark alley. She looks at her watch, realizing she's late.
Crap.
As she picks up the pace, a dark figure suddenly steps out in front of her and grabs her around the waist, pulling her to the ground. Buffy rolls to her feet and sizes up her attacker.
He's dressed in the manner of a medieval knight: plated armor and his face obscured with a chain-mail covering. He backhands Buffy, sending her reeling into a pile of garbage. As she straightens up, two more knights appear. The first one has a sword, the other two have metal staves. They surround Buffy, twirling their weapons.
Uh, guys? Any way we could not do this?
Resume. The knight with the sword swings and Buffy ducks, spins and punches him. The fight is on, Buffy taking on all three at once. She makes quick work of two of the knights, disarming them and knocking them unconscious, then turns her attention to the first knight that attacked her.
With a snap kick, she knocks the broadsword out of the knight's hand and pounds him to the ground. She jumps on top of him, straddles him and holds a staff to his throat.
Okay. Let's see what you are.
She removes the knight's chain-mail mask to reveal ORLANDO, a rather ordinary human man with a runic symbol tattooed on his forehead.
Or who you are.
One soldier in a vast army.
What army?
The Knights of Byzantium, an ancient order. And now your enemy.
You work for Glory?
You think we align ourselves with the Beast? You must be mad.
You're the ones tried killing me.
No, we were fools, three alone. But if it takes a hundred men, we send a hundred men and if it takes a thousand, we send a thousand.
A thousand?
So long as you protect the Key, the Brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it and you. You are the Slayer and we know what we must do. Now, be done with it. Kill us and let legions follow.
Buffy shoves the staff tight against his throat, then tosses it aside, gets up and picks up the sword. Orlando gets to his feet and she puts the blade to his throat. He turns his head away, awaiting the killing blow.
Go.
Surprised, Orlando edges warily around her and runs off into the night.
Buffy stares at the sword, considering.
Buffy enters the magick shop, still holding the sword. Everyone is still where we left them, awaiting Buffy's return.
You're late.
Yeah.
Giles notices the sword.
Was there an attack?
Yeah.
We can begin the review at last. We'll skip the more obvious questions--
Buffy drops the sword on his papers. It hits the table with a thud.
There isn't going to be a review.
Sorry?
No review. No interrogation. No questions you know I can't answer. No hoops, no jumps (Nigel starts to speak) and no interruptions.
Nigel shuts up and Buffy looks around the room.
See, I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why.
She looks Travers in the eye.
Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. (beat) Glory came to my home today.
Buffy, are you--
Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her.
Buffy takes in the Watchers arrayed around her.
You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives, some semblance of meaning.
This is beyond insolence--
In a single, fluid movement, Buffy hurls the broadsword across the room. It embeds itself in the wall inches from Nigel's nose. He stumbles backward, shocked.
I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions.
That was excellent!
Tara and Anya share a smile.
You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watching Masterpiece Theatre. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal". (to Travers) So here's how it's going to work. You're going to tell me everything you know, then you're going to go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magick shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary--
Retroactive.
--to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends--
I, uh, I don't want a sword thrown at me but civilians... we're talking about children.
Buffy looks up at her friends on the balcony and smiles.
We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand- year-old ex-demon.
Willow's a demon?
The boy? No power there.
Buffy stares Phillip down and he averts his eyes.
The "boy" has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He's part of the unit.
That's Riley-speak.
I've clocked field time.
Now. You all may be very good at your jobs. The only way we're going to find out is if you work with me. You can all take your time thinking about that. (to Travers) But I want an answer right now from Quentin because I think he's understanding me.
Travers looks down for a moment before steeling himself and meeting Buffy's gaze.
Your terms are acceptable.
Giles smiles as the gang bursts into cheers and applause. Buffy looks up at them, then at Giles.
See? No begging.
Rupert?
Quentin.
When we inventoried your shop, we found a bottle of single malt scotch behind the incense holders.
Well, it's not for, you know, during working hours.
I think I could use a glass.
Well, I suppose we could...
He heads off to pour the drinks.
Just a minute. Glory. I want to know.
Well, there's a lot to go through.
Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.
What is she?
She's a god.
Buffy's eyes widen in surprise, then shock.
Oh.