[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Tabula Rasa at buffyology.com.]
BUFFY moves through the cemetery, armed with a stake. She suddenly spins and raises her weapon. Reveal SPIKE directly behind her. She makes a disgusted face, clearly not pleased to see him.
Can we talk?
Vocal-cord-wise, yes. With each other? No.
She moves off.
We have to talk.
About what?
We kissed, Buffy.
So?
We kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music and the rising... music and what was that, Buffy?
A spell?
Oh, don't get all prim and proper with me. I know what kind of girl you really are. Don't I?
What we did is done. But I will never kiss you, Spike. Never touch you ever, ever again.
Suddenly Buffy grabs him and pulls him to the ground. He lands on his back with Buffy on top of him as a stake whips through the air above them and embeds itself in a tree.
They both look up as TEETH approaches. He's a demon with the head of a Great White shark, dressed in a flamboyant blue suit. Behind him lurk his two vampire minions.
Easy, boys. No need to get physical-like.
Teeth chuckles as Buffy gets up off of Spike and brushes herself off, annoyed.
Is there, Mister Spike?
You know this guy?
Yeah. (to Teeth) What do you want?
You know me... there are a lot of things I would like, Mister Spike. A house in Bel Air with a generously sized swimming pool... and of course, the forty Siamese that you owe me.
Teeth puts his arm around Spike and pulls him close.
Take it easy. You'll get your kittens.
Buffy rolls her eyes.
Oh, I trust you, Mister Spike.
Oh, god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else?
She's funny. I like funny in a girl.
I just need a little more time.
Time, time, time... is what turns kittens into cats! Look, I don't want to see anyone get hurt. (to henchman) Boys.
Teeth steps aside as the vampires grin and approach menacingly. Buffy leaps up, grabs a tree branch and kicks the first vampire with both feet. He lands at the Teeth's feet. Teeth looks up, surprised.
Then you'd better close your eyes.
She pushes Spike aside and pounds the second vampire unconscious, then looks up at Teeth, an unspoken challenge hanging in the air.
I said she was the Slayer, boss.
Ah, good for you. The Vampire Slayer. Have you ever given any thought to freelance work? A little debt collecting, perhaps?
No, thank you.
Boss, he's gone. Spike has split.
Surprised, Buffy looks around.
Well, that's what I get for socializing. All right, come on, boys. We'll locate Mister Spike and talk to him a little more.
Teeth adjusts his tie, turns to go, then turns back to Buffy.
Oh. It was a genuine pleasure.
Disgusted, Buffy sighs heads off into the night.
If I were to stop saving his life, it would simple things up so much.
Opening credit sequence.
ANYA, XANDER, WILLOW and TARA sit around the dining table.
Do you think she... walked around on clouds, wearing like Birkenstocks and played a harp? 'Cause those are just not flattering. You know, the clonky sandals, not a harp. I mean, who doesn't look good with a harp?
The mood is grim.
What? I'm just saying what everyone's thinking. (to Xander) Right baby?
You are attractive and have many good qualities.
It's totally not stupid to wonder what it was like for Buffy but it could have been any one of a zillion heavenly dimensions. All we know is that... it was a good place and she was happy there.
And we took her away from that. We wrecked it for her.
We didn't wreck. We didn't know.
We didn't want to know. We were so selfish. I was so selfish.
Maybe we were. I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend's not dead. It's... too mind-boggling. So I've decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy's alive so me glad.
Not to be Miss Psycho Pep Squad but we have got to stop obsessing about what we did and start trying to make things better for Buffy.
I'm with Miss Psycho Pep Squad.
We need to spend more time with her, just hang out. Maybe have weekly dinners over here or a book club. Short books. Videos.
I can fix it. I know a spell.
No! No more spells.
Xander looks from Tara to Willow, confused.
Then what? This isn't something that's going to be fixed by a video club. I know I messed up, okay, and... I want to fix it.
I can't believe that we are talking about this again. You know how powerful magick is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone. You... you could hurt yourself.
I know a spell that will make her forget she was ever in heaven.
God, what is wrong with you?
Xander stands up, uncomfortable.
I'm going to go get that phone you probably don't hear. High- pitched ring, ears like a dog.
I'm going to help you with that.
Xander and Anya flee into the bedroom leaving Tara and Willow alone.
Do you think I'm stupid? I know you used that spell on me.
Tara, I'm sorry. I--
Don't! Just... don't. There's nothing you can say.
Tara, I didn't mean to--
To what? Violate my mind like that? How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?
Violate you? I... didn't... mean anything like that. I just wanted us not to fight any more. I love you.
If you don't want to fight, you don't fight. You don't use magick to make a fight disappear.
But I just wanted to make things better. Better for us.
But you don't get to decide what is better for us, Will. We're in a relationship. We are supposed to decide together.
Okay. I'm... I realize I did it wrong.
You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you... you don't even consider the options. You just do a spell. It's not good for you, Willow. And it's not what magick is for.
But I... I just want to help people.
Maybe that's how it started but you're helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me.
Tara, no!
Tara looks away, hurt.
I don't think this is going to work.
Hey. It is, it's working. Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don't need magick. I don't. Let me prove it to you, okay? I will go a month without doing any magick. I won't do a single spell. I swear.
Tara looks at her, nods.
Go a week. One week without magick.
Fine. Fine, that's easy!
Go a week and then we'll see.
Willow's face falls.
I don't know. I just think we both need some... I don't know, space. Oh, I can't believe I'm saying this.
Are you saying you're going to leave me?
GILES sits on the sofa in the workout room.
I have to.
Buffy stands beside him. She's shocked and confused.
Uh-huh.
You have to be strong. I'm trying to--
Trying to, to what? Desert me? Abandon me? Leave me all alone when I really need somebody?
I don't want to leave--
So don't. Please don't. I can't do this without you.
You can. That's why I'm going. As long as I stay you'll always turn to me if there's something comes up that you feel that you can't handle and I'll step in because... because I can't bear to see you suffer.
Me, too. Hate suffering. Had about as much of it as I can take.
Believe me, I'm loathe to cause you more but this...
Giles pauses. Buffy looks on the verge of tears.
I've taught you all I can about being a Slayer and your mother taught you what you needed to know about life. You... you're not going to trust that until you're forced to stand alone.
But why now? Now that you know where I've been, what I'm going through?
Now more than ever. The temptation to give up is going to be overwhelming and I can't let--
So I won't! No giving up. You can be here and I can still be strong.
Buffy, I've thought this over... and over. I believe it's the right thing to do.
You're wrong.
She gets up and storms out.
Tara and DAWN stand at the foot of the stairs.
Willow, come on! You ready?
Willow appears at the top of the stairs wearing nothing but a towel.
Not so much. You go ahead, tell Giles to hold up. I'll be there in a sec.
Fine.
Hurry up. You don't want to miss the lowdown on our latest featured creature.
Willow watches Tara and Dawn leave. Then she goes back up the stairs. She reappears nere seconds later fully dressed, her hair dried and combed, smiling.
She walks down the stairs and into the living room, opens a cabinet and takes out a plastic bag hidden behind some books.
She kneels by the fireplace, takes a large piece of Lethe's Bramble from the bag and puts it in the fireplace. She strikes a match and sets the flowers on fire.
For Buffy and Tara, this I char. Let Lethe's Bramble do its chore. Purge their minds of memories grim, Of pains from recent slights and sins.
She reaches into her pocket, takes out a clear crystal and holds it in the flames.
When the fire goes out, When the crystal turns black, The spell will be cast. Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa.
She puts the crystal back in her pocket, then gets up and leaves.
Giles, Anya and Tara sit at the reading table, thumb-wrestling. Buffy sits on the stairs leading to the loft.
So what do we got?
Sorry?
What kind of oogly-boogleys? Lizardy types zombies or vampires or what?
There are no oogly-boogleys, Dawn.
The door opens and Xander and Willow enter. Willow is wearing Xander's jacket.
Thanks for the jacket. It's cold out there.
Not a problem. The cold only makes me stronger and more macho-like.
They join the others and Giles stands.
I'm glad you're here.
The others look expectantly while Buffy just glares.
I have something I really have to tell you all. I know it feels like we've been through this before--
Why don't you just jump to the chase? Tell them that you're--
The door opens again and Spike runs in, sizzling from the sunlight. Instead of his normal them-and-variations-on-black, he's wearing an old-fashioned brown suit with a bow-tie and a padded hat with earflaps.
Spike?
Holy moly.
You need to give me asylum.
I'll say.
No need to get cute. It's a disguise. Happens there's a bloke I'd rather not see just now. (to Buffy) You met him, I believe. Toothy bloke with the baby-seal breath? Nasty fellow, him. And ugly, too. He's got a mouthful of choppers just waiting to be yanked out and worn as necklaces.
Willow looks down and surreptitiously takes the crystal from her pocket. It's glowing green.
CU: the fireplace.
A spark from the fire lands on the bag of herbs that Willow left lying beside the fireplace. The entire thing begins to burn with an eldritch light.
Well, now that we've recovered from Spike's sartorial humor, I'll jump to the chase. I'm headed back to England and I plan to stay... indefinitely.
Now? Not now, I mean, not after... everything.
Yes, now.
For real this time? 'Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper's heart can only take so much... I mean, not that I want you to go.
I can't do this.
Buffy walks quickly past them and up the stairs.
I just, I don't think...
Buffy, listen.
Buffy stops, turns back.
I know this must be awful for you and I'm sorry. I... I'm so sorry for...
Sorry. Everybody's sorry. I know that you guys are just trying to help... but it's just, it's too much. And I can't take it any more. (tearful) If you guys understood how it felt... how it feels. It's like I'm dying, it--
She suddenly falls to the floor, unconscious.
All around the store, the others drop where they stand as well. Giles and Anya slump over together in their seats. Willow and Xander fall to the floor in a heap. Spike falls over onto the counter.
FAST ZOOM on the smoking pile of ashes that used to be Willow's entire supply of Lethe's Bramble.
The day has come and gone and everyone is still asleep where they fell.
Giles and Anya lean against each other, Tara sits by herself in a chair, Dawn on the floor next to her. Willow and Xander lie on top of each other while Buffy and Spike lie by themselves where they dropped.
Buffy stirs, wakes and sits up.
Huh?
She stands up, frowning, then flips the light switch on.
The others begin to come around as well. Willow sits up, finds herself lying on top of Xander, and gasps. Xander gasps also, then leers at her.
Hey.
Hey?
Anya wakes up and yawns. Giles lifts his head from her shoulder, sees that he's drooled on her and quickly wipes it off.
Hello?
Tara looks around in confusion as Spike, still asleep, rolls over and falls off the counter with a crash. Dawn starts awake, shrieking at the noise. She scoots backward into a corner and looks around fearfully.
Spike gets to his feet behind the counter and looks around dubiously.
Who are you people?
Buffy kneels beside Dawn and she cringes.
Don't worry.
Please don't hurt me!
Oh, it's okay. I don't know anyone here either.
Yeah? Who are you?
I, uh...
Xander jumps to his feet.
Okay, who are you freaks?
Buffy, Dawn and Willow stand, too.
You don't know me?
Not a clue.
But you were just all like 'oh, hey'.
Yeah, 'cause I thought you were a girl and I'd remember but...
Willow grabs her breasts.
Well, I am a girl! I'm... not sure who I am exactly but...
Okay, why was I on the ground? And why are you all staring at me? Is this some kind of psych test? Am I getting paid for this?
It's not just you. Does anyone remember anything?
Everyone looks around at each other. No one remembers anything.
Nope.
Well, maybe we all got terribly drunk and this is some sort of blackout.
I don't think I drink.
I don't see any booze. I don't feel any head bumps. (looks around) I don't see Allen Funt.
Who?
Okay. I'm not panicking. I'm not. I'm not. (off their looks) Stop looking at me like I'm panicking!
Hey, hey, take it easy, guy. Okay, no one's hurt, right? And, and none of us look all hatchety-murdery so... we're probably safe. Here. Wherever here is.
Look at this stuff on these shelves. Weird jars of weird stuff. Weird books with weird covers like Magick for Beginners. Oh!
This is a magick shop. A real magick shop.
Well, maybe that's it. Maybe something magick happened.
Magick! Magick's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. (beat) Except I seem to be British, don't I? And a man. With... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.
I don't like this.
It's okay, don't worry. We'll take care of each other.
Buffy brushes the hair back from Dawn's face and she smiles.
We'll all get our memory back and it'll all be right as rain.
Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks... oh, god! I'm English!
Welcome to the nancy tribe.
You don't suppose you and I... we're not related, are we?
There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.
Giles smiles at Anya, flattered.
And you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity and... disappointment.
Spike approaches Giles, scowling, as they both appraise each other.
Older brother?
Father. Oh, god, how I must hate you.
What did I do?
There's always something. And what's with the trollop?
Hey!
Her?
I saw you! Sleeping together.
Resting together.
Anya holds up her hand and points to her engagement ring.
Look! It's okay. We're engaged.
Oh.
It's a lovely ring.
Oh, great. A tarty stepmom who's half old Daddy's age.
Tarty?
Old? You little twerp, I'm young enough to still get carded.
Carded! Driver's licenses!
Everyone starts searching their pockets and bags, looking for ID. Xander finds his wallet and holds up his license.
It's me! Alexander Harris. Cute picture. Hey, I exist.
I'm Willow Rosenberg. Heh, Willow. Funny name.
I think it's pretty.
What do you got?
Tara. And look, I'm a student at UC Sunnydale.
Me, too! Hey, maybe we're study buddies.
I don't have a wallet.
Don't worry. Me neither. But here, look.
Buffy points to a necklace around Dawn's neck. It's a silver pendant with her name.
You're Dawn.
Or Umad.
I'm called Rupert Giles.
Rupert.
Rupert!
You're not too old to put across my knee, you know... sonny. Anyway, what did I call you?
Spike examines his clothing and finds a label on the inside of his suit jacket.
'Made with care for Randy.' (to Giles) Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!
Randy's a family name, undoubtedly.
Anya takes a key from around her neck and goes over to the register.
Oh, hey, I have a name on my jacket... Harris.
Harris? That's my last name. Maybe I have a brother and you go out with him. Or maybe you go out with me.
Well, we did wake up all snuggly-wuggly. Maybe you're my boyfriend.
Either that or I got one pissed-off brother out there somewhere.
I'm Anya! This key fits this lock and the forms next to the cash register say that Rupert and Anya own the shop together.
This is our magick shop? Well, that's very... progressive of me.
So you don't have a name?
Of course I do. I just don't happen to know it.
You want me to name you?
Oh, that's sweet but I think I can name myself. (considers) I'll name me... Joan.
Dawn wrinkles her nose.
Ugh!
What? Did you just 'ugh' my name?
No! I just... I mean, it's so blah. Joan?
I like it. I feel like a Joan.
Fine, that's your purgative.
Prerogative.
Whatever, Joan.
Whatever, Umad. Boy, you're a pain in the--
Boy, you're bossy!
They look at each other in surprise.
Do you think we're--
Sisters?
They smile and hug each other.
You never showed me affection like that! (beat) I'd wager.
Well, we need to figure out what's going on. We need to get help.
Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss.
We have a kid here--
A teenager.
--a teenager. And we have no idea what's wrong with us. I think a hospital's our best bet.
Yes, let's... let's head out.
They all start for the door. Xander offers Willow his arm and after a moment's hesitation, she takes it.
Any suggestions on how we're going to get there?
Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic midlife-crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.
Buffy opens the front door to find Teeth's two vampire minions standing there, snarling. Everyone screams. Buffy slams the door and the group huddles on the floor under the picture window.
Did you guys see that?
Vampires!
Maybe it's Halloween.
It doesn't feel like Halloween.
Even if it is, those guys are definitely not kids and those are definitely not costumes. Randy's right. Looks like we have vampires.
Banging on the door.
Slayer!
They're definitely not knocking for candy.
Okay, doors! We need to check to see if there's other doors and make sure they're locked and put large objects in front of them. Come on.
Willow and Xander head off toward the back.
Monsters are real. Did we know this?
I don't know but we need our memories back. We have to get to a hospital.
As proprietor of a magick shop, I propose we fight them. We can use things here in the shop, you know, magick... tricks or whatever.
One of the vampires peers in the window.
Send out Spike!
They seem to want spikes.
Oh!
Spike goes off and comes back with a handful of stakes.
Let's give 'em these.
Well done.
But wait, what are they going to do with them?
Slayer, come out and play!
"Slay her". That's just what they said before. (horrified) They're going to use the spikes to--
To slay someone? A female someone! Who do those jerks think they are?
Bloodsuckers. They kill by sucking blood. Take it easy, Joan.
Willow and Xander return from the rear of the store.
You guys!
Trap door in the basement. It seems to lead to the sewer.
Let's go!
They all stand in a huddled in a mass and move toward the back just as the front window shatters and one of the vampires leaps into the store.
The back door slams open also and more vampires stalk toward them, cutting them off from the exit.
Xander drops to his knees and starts praying.
Now I'm not sure what I am so bear with me here. Now I lay me down to sleep... shabat Israel... ohm, ohm.
One of the vampires seizes Spike and slams him up against a bookcase.
You owe us!
Fine! Take your damn spikes!
Spike pulls the stakes from his jacket and tosses them at the vampire. Spike tries to bolt for the door as they clatter to the floor but the vampire decks him.
Don't be stupid. I said you owe us.
Who, me?
You've got the boss's kittens.
Kittens?
The first vampire tackles Buffy and drags her across the floor.
Get your hands off me, you son of a--
She breaks free, knees the vampire in the groin and decks him. The gang watches in amazement as Buffy strides over and hauls the other vampire off Spike.
Hey! Stay away from Randy!
She rams a stake into the vampire's chest and jumps back in shock as it crumbles to dust with an agonized scream. The last vampire slides past Buffy and out the door as the rest of the gang stares at Buffy, dumbstruck.
Whoa!
What did you just do?
I don't know. (smiles) But it was cool!
The boss ain't going to like this! I'll be back. And I won't be alone!
Spike shuts and locks it behind him, then drops the metal security grate down over the broken window.
I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something!
Xander slumps to the floor in a faint.
Teeth paces his minion reports to him. In b.g., other vampires peek through the window of the magick shop.
The boys want to taste blood, boss. They want to break down the door.
The boys are barbarians. There's no need to do that. The humans will turn on him soon enough. And if they don't, we'll burn the place to the ground.
Buffy peers out at Teeth and vampire lackeys, then turns away from the window to face the others.
Okay. I've got a plan.
I'm all ears.
They seem to want Randy and I seem to be pretty strong. Wicked strong. So you guys go through the sewers to get to the hospital and Randy and I'll give the monsters a run for their money.
That's your plan?
Yes.
Right.
I'm not leaving the shop. I have to protect the cash register and... do some spells.
Oh. Well, magick might help, yes. It's worth a shot.
All right. You work on that, then. We need to go. Ready, Randy?
Ready, Joan.
Um, son... come here. Please.
They look at each other awkwardly, then hug. Spike pushes Giles away.
Right.
Good, then.
Spike and Buffy rush out the front while Willow, Xander, Tara and Dawn head for the back.
Several vampires stand by the front door talking as Buffy and Spike emerge. Buffy shoves the them aside and she and Spike begin to run as fast as they can. The vampires immediately pursue them.
One seizes Spike by the shoulder and spins him around. Spike's face suddenly shifts and he decks the creature, sending him flying a dozen feet back.
Buffy stops running and looks back at Spike.
Randy!
Hey, I'm a superhero, too!
Buffy sees his face and backs away, horrified. She runs off with a scream.
Joan, where're you going?
Without warning, another vampire hits him full in the face and he goes down.
Resume. Spike rolls to his feet and engages the vampire. More arrive and surround Spike. Despite the numbers, Spike manages to defeat them all in quick order, then runs to catch up with Buffy.
Hey! Joan! Wait up!
Xander and Tara help Dawn climb down a ladder into the tunnels.
Almost there, come on. There we go.
Thanks.
Xander and Tara help Willow climb down next. She reaches the bottom with her hands on Tara's shoulders. They share a look, then separate and make their way slowly through the sewer.
The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah. The ants go marching one by--
Dawn gasps as a vampire appears in front of them. They turn and run back the way they came with the vampire in pursuit.
Giles blows dust off a book then fusses with the residue on his hands.
This must be nice for us.
Sorry?
I mean... I know there's...
Giles pats his pockets, looking for a handkerchief, and finds his plane ticket to England.
...the vampire problem and our memory loss and all that but still, to spend this time together alone? Must be nice.
Giles quickly slips the ticket back into his pocket.
Yes, yes, I'm sure that's right. Which book shall we start with?
Anya takes a book from the shelf and brings it over to him.
This is the book for us.
Oh, good. Does it focus on mind control or memory loss?
Not exactly. I just... my intuition tells me this is the book. And I figure being a magick shop owner and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition.
Giles reaches out and caresses her cheek.
Yes, fine, but as you recall, I too am a magick shop owner.
True, but my intuition says that you're not so much the magick guy and more of a paperwork type. Okay, here we go.
Anya sets the book on the table and opens it to a random page.
But you don't even know--
Bara bara himble gemination.
A bunny suddenly appears on the table in front of Anya. She screams and grabs Giles in terror.
Spike runs down the street, the vampire in him still ascendant.
Wait up!
He catches Buffy by the arm. She turns and flips him over onto the ground. She kneels, straddling him and pinning him to the lawn.
Bloody hell, what are you doing?
You don't know who you are?
Right. None of us do and we're being chased by--
You're a vampire!
How can you say... I, me, a vampire? No.
Check the lumpies. And the teeth.
He puts a hand to his face and feels his forehead and teeth.
I kill your kind.
And I bite yours. So how come I don't want to bite you? And why am I fightin' other vampires?
The light of revelation washes across his face.
I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
A vampire with a soul? Oh, my god! How lame is that?
Anya stands on a chair holding the spell book close to her face. There are bunnies everywhere: on the floor, the counter, the bookshelves.
Perhaps we should try another book.
No! This book made the little fluffers and this book's going to send 'em back. I've got it this time, okay. Himble abri, abri voyon.
Another bunny appears at Giles' feet.
Yes, dear.
Spike paces while Buffy stands in front of him, dubious.
I'm a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us... natural enemies thrown together to stand against the Forces of Darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me.
Depends on how long you keep on yapping.
They turn in surprise at a furtive noise to find four vampires striding toward them.
Tara leads the rest of the group, running through the tunnels. She ducks to her left into an alcove and the others follow. The vampire runs on past them.
Come on. This way. Up the ladder.
They climb a nearby ladder mounted to the wall and emerge into an elevated tunnel leading to a large drainpipe. They pull the metal grate aside and climb through. Xander closes the grate behind him while the others huddle together, just around a bend in the pipe.
He's coming!
The creature moves past again, snarling menacingly.
Willow and Tara press close and exchange awkward but furtive glances at each other.
The shop is full of bunnies and now a cloud of green mist hovers near the ceiling. Giles looks up at Anya, frustrated.
Clearly that is not a helpful book, darling. Come down and we will go about fixing this in a sensible fashion!
Sensible! You think it's sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell and let them hippity-hop all over my vulnerable flesh?
Fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies! That's a capital plan!
What capital? I never know what you're talking about. Loo, shag, brolly... what the hell is all that?
What? There's no way that you could remember me saying any of those words.
Oh, bugger off, you brolly.
Spike and Buffy fight furiously with the vampires, Buffy taking on two at once. She reels as she takes a vicious blow to the head.
Note to self: learn to duck.
She moves forward as one of the vampires seizes Spike by the arms and holds him in place while another pounds him.
Teeth stands nearby, watching and chuckling.
Buffy kicks over a mailbox, grabs the wooden post and jams it through the chest of a vampire as it charges her. As it crumbles to dust, she immediately engages another vampire, the fight continuing.
Giles fights a sword battle with an animated human skeleton.
Get a different book! Put that book down, do you hear? Not... that... book!
Xander and Tara peer out at the sewer tunnel from their hiding place. Willow pats Dawn on the back.
How you doing, Dawn?
I'm okay. It's scary... but weirdly kind of familiar.
I know what you mean.
How are you?
A little confused. I mean, I'm all sweaty and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire... (beat) and I think I'm kinda gay.
Giles peeks over the edge of the counter and he looks around cautiously. Growling noises emanate from somewhere in the shop. He quickly ducks back down next to Anya.
Look what you've done, you lunatic woman!
He sorts through a pile of books in his lap.
Don't blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks he's so great kind of jerk... and I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you.
She hits him over the head with her book.
Ow! God, no wonder I'm leaving you!
What?
Look! (re: plane ticket) One-way ticket to London and out of this engagement!
Of all the nerve!
Anya pulls off her engagement ring and throws it at Giles. It bounces onto the floor and rolls out in front of the counter. The growling noises intensify.
Now look at what you've done! That thing is going to eat my ring.
Xander peeks out through the grate again to find the vampire climbing toward him.
I smell fear... and it smells good.
The group recoils and flees through the pipe. The vampire peers through the closed grate, then retreats back into the sewer.
Xander emerges into the sewer tunnel at the far end of the pipe and is promptly pounded in the face by the vampire waiting for them.
Giles and Anya huddle behind the counter as Giles reads from a spellbook.
Fatas... venga... mata... waray!
Blue light flashes through the store and the snarling stops. Giles and Anya cautiously stand up. The bunnies, the monster, the reanimated corpse and green cloud are all gone.
Oh... that's better.
Anya rushes out from behind the counter and picks up her ring.
Oh, thank goodness.
She puts it back on.
I'm so sorry, dear.
No. Rupy, I'm sorry. You were right. That was the wrong book.
Oh... yes, it was. But I'm still sorry.
Don't leave me.
Oh, Anya.
He sweeps her up and kisses her passionately.
Tara and Willow jump down to the ground and look around. The vampire lunges at them, snarling. Willow gasps, grabs Tara and they fall to the ground, Willow on top of Tara.
The crystal falls out of Willow's pocket and onto the ground.
Hey! Over here, big guy!
Willow and Tara gaze into each other's eyes, a spark of passion between them. Dawn ducks back into the pipe as the vampire turns toward Xander.
Check out this throbbing jugular!
As Xander and the vampire fight, Dawn hops down from the pipe and picks up a piece of wood from the ground.
Alex!
She throws the wood to Xander, who catches it and plunges it into the creature's chest. Xander and Dawn stare in amazement as the vampire turns to dust.
Willow and Tara lie on the ground together, their faces inches apart. Tara reaches up and brushes Willow's hair from her face and smiles at her. Willow leans over to kiss Tara.
Xander stand up, groaning, and inadvertently steps on Willow's crystal. It flares green and shatters.
Xander sways dizzily on his feet and Willow and Tara pause, their lips inches apart. Willow rolls off Tara and they both sit up. Tara shoots Willow an angry look.
Giles and Anya stop in mid-kiss, their eyes going wide in shock.
Buffy and Spike tag-team the vampires, fighting them in tandem. Buffy stakes one of the creatures and smiles triumphantly
Don't mess with Joan the Vam--
Buffy suddenly stops and frown as her memories flood back. Taking advantage of her confusion, one Teeth's henchman decks her. She drops to the ground.
Resume. Buffy lies on the ground panting with a vampire towering over her. He kicks her in the abdomen twice and she gasps in pain.
Buffy! Buff--
Spike goes down under a vicious attack.
Tara stands up, disgusted with Willow who feels her pocket and finds it empty.
Dawn and Xander huddle together, also looking at Willow in confusion. They see the broken crystal and the pieces start to fall into place. Xander laughs out loud and everyone stares at him.
Sorry, I just got back the memory of seeing King Ralph.
No one seems amused and he turns serious.
We should get back.
Xander and Dawn head out. Tara follows, refusing to even look at Willow.
Giles sweeps up the mess on the floor and Anya scrubs the reading table vigorously. Both studiously avoid eye contact with each other.
Well, this place certainly needs a good tidying.
Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.
Buffy lies on the grass holding her stomach and groaning as Spike slams two vampires together. They both go down.
From dust...
He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a stake and dispatches both vampires in quick succession.
...to dust.
Teeth approaches him, chuckling, his serrated shark's teeth gleaming.
You're an odd duck, Mister Spike. Fighting your own kind... palling around with a Slayer And whoa, that suit! Chutzpah must be your middle name. Hey, look... about our little debt problem, it's okay. I don't need the kittens.
Spike grabs Teeth by his lapels and pulls him close.
You'll get paid. I'm no welsher.
Right, sure. You're good for it, I know that. I'm just going to... yeah.
He clears his throat and quickly beats a hasty retreat. Spike sighs and heads over to Buffy.
You all right?
Buffy shoots him an angry look and gets to her feet, ignoring his hand. She scowls at him and walks away.
Buffy sits at the bar, staring off into space.
Tara takes her clothes from the dresser and puts them in a cardboard box. She looks toward the door, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Willow sits on the floor in Buffy's room, her knees pulled up to her chest, staring into the darkness.
Giles sits on the plane surrounded by other passengers. He stares silently at the seat in front of him.
Spike walks up beside Buffy. She looks over at him, then turns away. Frustrated, Spike walks off.
Tara comes down the stairs with her things boxed up. The front door of the house stands open. She walks out onto the porch where Dawn leans against the porch post. Tara sets her box down and reaches out to Dawn but Dawn turns and runs back inside.
Pan across various couples dancing, holding hands, talking. Reveal Spike and Buffy beneath the stairs, kissing passionately.