[Transcript of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" episode Entropy at buffyology.com.]
Two vampires run through the cemetery, one carrying a flat, round, metallic disk. They glance nervously behind them as they go. They are pursued by WARREN, ANDREW and JONATHAN on three all-terrain vehicles, weaving among the headstones. They hold long stakes like jousting spears. Warren whoops with excitement as the chase goes on.
They're getting to the gate!
I see it, I see it!
One vampire grabs onto an overhanging branch of a passing tree. The branch breaks off and the creature throws it at the ATVs. It hits Andrew in the face and he loses control of his vehicle and falls off as Jonathan roars up behind him.
Jonathan and Warren swerve to avoid hitting Andrew. Jonathan sideswipes a headstone, shattering it, and barrels head-on toward Warren. They both tumble off their vehicles and onto the ground. Andrew limps over to them.
We're gonna lose 'em.
The vampires reach the large gate at the entrance to the cemetery.
We need that disk.
The vampires run through the gate and into the street, only to be instantly attacked by BUFFY. She decks the first vampire and seizes the second but he twists out of her grip and the disk clatters across the pavement.
The second vampire kicks Buffy but she blocks, punches him and hurls him against the gate. He drops to the ground as Buffy turns to the first vampire.
The Trio watches from behind cover.
Wait.
As the second vampire gets to his feet and prepares to attack Buffy, he suddenly rises up off the ground and dangles in mid-air.
Pull back to reveal SPIKE sitting atop one of the stone pillars flanking the gate, holding the vampire off the ground by the collar of his shirt.
The Trio stealthily approaches.
Spike watches patiently as Buffy takes the first vampire in a strangle-hold, preparing to stake him.
Warren crawls across the ground toward the disk. He reaches out, grabs it and retreats. Andrew and Jonathan run off with him, unseen by Buffy and Spike.
Buffy's vampire throws her to the ground and reaches for her throat.
How're you doin'?
Oh, fine. You know, same old same old.
Here, I could take care of this guy if you want.
Whatever. Your call.
Buffy kicks the vampire off of her and flips to her feet.
I mean, sure he don't look like much...
Hey!
... but I'd wager he could give you a bit o' nasty. Save you the staking. All you gotta do is--
I am not telling my friends about us.
Right, I'll just be dropping him down to you, then.
You want to tell them so badly? Go ahead.
She finally manages to get a hand free and stakes the creature. As it disintegrates, Buffy stands up and approaches the gate, looking up at Spike and the second dangling vampire.
You know why? I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week... and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. (shrugs) So I'm thinking, sleeping with you? They'll deal.
She turns to go and Spike lets vampire drop. He falls to the ground and charges Buffy from behind.
In that case, why won't you sleep with me again?
The vampire pauses and looks back at Spike, confused.
Huh?
Buffy turns around, stakes the vampire and glares at Spike.
Because I don't love you.
She walks off into the night. Spike glares at her, annoyed.
Like hell.
The apartment is dimly lit with a red light. Sad music plays. XANDER sits on the floor holding a bottle of beer. He takes a sip and stares blankly at the wall. After a beat, he shuts off the music, puts on his jacket and leaves.
Xander leaves the building and heads down the street. Pull back to reveal ANYA standing behind the bushes, watching him go.
Opening credit sequence.
WILLOW stands in the hall, her arms full of books as a tide of students flows past her. TARA exits a nearby classroom and Willow rushes to intercept her, smiling. She taps Tara on the shoulder.
Hey!
Hey. Look at you. All coming out of class and everything.
I do that sometimes. Usually at the end part of the class.
Right.
So how's your... you know, after the whole basement deal?
Tara points at Willow's neck.
It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of twinge. It's okay.
And Buffy's okay, too? Enjoying the refreshing sanity and so forth?
Ha, yeah! Refreshing san... that's funny. She's okay. A little freaked. I'm glad she didn't hurt you.
You, too. (beat) So this is becoming kind of a regular thing, you and me after class.
I didn't...
Only this time you stuck around.
Um... various sounds of hesitation...
She was just a friend.
Friends are nice!
You rushed off before I could, you know, explain.
Well, officially I have to say I have no idea what you're talking about.
Unofficially?
We should have some coffee some time. Maybe some day... this week after class?
I'm free tomorrow.
You could bring your friend.
I wasn't going to... I mean, if you have a friend--
No! I'm... I'm friendless.
Yeah, yeah, no friends. I mean, I have friends--
Right, many dear friends, yeah.
Tara sighs and smiles.
Coffee.
With us. Who are... just friends.
People walk the sidewalks, window shopping. Among them are Buffy and DAWN.
Okay, how about this store?
Three pairs of earrings, a coin purse and a toothbrush.
You stole a toothbrush?
A mother-of-pearl handle. Very fancy.
Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As far as rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square.
Dental hygiene is important.
Guess this was kind of a lame sister's day out, huh? I make up for trying to kill you by taking you to places you can't go in.
No, it's my bad. I'm the one that got caught taking stuff.
Hey, how about the pet store? You didn't take anything from there, did you?
A pocketful of goldfish. It didn't work out. (beat; off her look) No!
Okay, good. We can go and we can look at all the puppies.
Yuck! It's so awful! There's puppy mills and keeping them in cages and people poking at them all day.
Yeah, but puppies... cute! Come on, you used to love the pet store.
Yes, when I was in my fives and sixes. (off her look) Oh, come on. We'll go look. Besides, I don't think there's another store here where I can show my face.
It'll pass. You've returned all the stuff that you still had and we're paying for the rest.
I'm paying for the rest.
We'll figure it out.
CU: the disk recovered from the vampires at the cemetery. It is covered with runic symbols drawn in concentric rings. It sits on a table leaning against a small glass jar filled with yellow liquid.
Get back.
Jonathan sits at the table holding a glass mortar and pestle. An array of test tubes and jars filled with liquids of various colors surround him. Warren peers over Jonathan's shoulder.
You don't want to make me rush this.
I'm not impressed, Padawan. When do we hit pay dirt?
If something goes wrong, it's going to surge and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend.
What did you say?
Just let me work!
All right, all right. You do what you need to do. You get us to the goods and then watch out! It's going to be like... it'll be like the whole world just spread open and gave it up for you, man.
And then we're done, right? We each take our share and we call it a day.
You that ready to get rid of us? Huh?
Andrew nonchalantly eavesdrops on them from across the room.
Don't worry. We pull this off, you can go buy any tropical island you want. Aw, cheer up, Short Round. You're about to get us everything we ever wanted.
Jonathan nods dubiously and turns back to the chemistry set. After a moment, Warren heads over to Andrew.
He's almost done.
I sorta feel... kinda sorry for him.
That's a weakness.
Um... okay.
Look at him.
He's got that same look on his face, the one he had that time I highlighted in his Babylon 5 novels.
Andrew smiles at the memory, then suddenly realizes something.
Right before he told his mother on me! Warren! I don't think we can trust him.
We don't have to. Not for that much longer.
Is it going to be that soon?
The milk. In the fridge. How long till it expires?
Well, we got it on Friday and I remember noticing that there wasn't a full two weeks on it but we did get it in the fridge pretty quick, unless I'm thinking of the 2% milk--
Forget it. It was a thing. It's going to be soon.
Oh. Wow.
Xander enters and closes the door behind him, then stops when he sees Anya sitting at the kitchen table. She stands up quickly.
Oh, my god.
He walks quickly toward her. She backs away, twisting her hands nervously.
How are you?
Ducky. You?
Ah... please. Let me explain. I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, "Oh god, is this my life? Was that me?"
Me, too.
But you gotta believe me, please. I want to make up for it. I want to take away the hurt. I love you so much. (beat) I may have practiced that a couple of times in front of the mirror.
I just... don't understand what happened.
I do. I'm an idiot. All I had to do was say something earlier. I could have spared you from that... that nightmare.
Said something about what?
No, no! I mean, you know, if I were like more... self-aware. Because with the whole idiot thing.
If you had been more self-aware, you would have what? Been able to stop the wedding?
No, it's not like that. That's not what... (sighs) Okay, see, I didn't practice this part.
Do you still want to get married?
Xander hesitates, unsure.
Oh.
An, it's a very complicated question.
No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either/or deal. Do you want to get married?
Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. I don't want you to take this as a bad thing. It's good. I love you. I love you so much. I'm just trying to be honest with you.
Yes, honesty now. Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now. I wonder what the medal will say.
Okay, clearly I'm not handling this well.
Well, duh!
All I want is for us to be together. I love you, I just wish we could just go back to the way things were before.
Anya turns her back to him. Her face morphs and she becomes Anyanka, the vengeance demon.
And I wish you were never born!
Resume. Anya stands with her back to Xander. Nothing happens.
I know this is all coming out wrong.
Anya changes back to her human form, frowning in confusion. She turns back to Xander.
I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices!
I know, honey. I totally deserve that.
I... I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!
They are.
Really? (he nods) Right now? Does it hurt?
God, yes. It hurts so bad, it's killing me. Anya... I love you. I want to make this work.
Those are metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain! What's wrong with me?
No, honey, it's not you. It's me. That--
Oh!
She shoves past him and storms out the door.
An! An! Wait, please. An!
HALFREK and Anya sit at a table, talking over coffee. Anya fidgets, not really listening to Halfrek.
So there was no child support in like eleven years-- not a single check-- so now every time he picks up a piece of paper that isn't a check for the child? Paper cut. I mean, you know how I hate to toot my own horn but now his hands are just covered in all these tiny little bandages. Like a quilt. You know, made of bandages.
Hmm?
Okay, did they not teach listening skills in Human World?
I'm sorry. I know. I'm just distracted.
About this thing with Xander? Don't worry, you'll figure out a way to--
No, that's just it. I've tried everything. I tried every curse I know. Nothing's worked.
Wait. Did you try to curse him yourself?
Well, yeah. I am the wronged party here. Of course I--
You can't exact justice against someone on behalf of yourself, silly! (laughs) How long have you been away?
I haven't been scorned by a man in like a thousand years. I never had to make a wish for myself. There has to be some way around that.
Well... you could try getting someone to make the wish for you, I suppose.
Anya considers and a smile creeps across her face.
Dawn enters and stares at the kitchen island.
Um... did we open a chain?
There are two place settings, bowls of fruit, four bottles of syrup. Buffy stands by the stove holding a spatula and frying pan. Several cereal boxes are lined up on the counter next to her.
Are we the international house of something?
Nope. Got up early and it felt like a breakfast kind of morning. Okay, what kind of syrup do you want on your pancakes?
Syrups have kinds?
Oh! Also, you know, I was thinking after the mall yesterday, maybe we shouldn't go out tonight, you know, maybe we could stay in and... (takes toast from the toaster) Ow! Get a pizza or rent a movie?
Um...
Also, I didn't know if, you know, if you had plans this weekend but I thought maybe we could--
Hey, Buffy? I'm going to be okay with the basement thing. Really. You weren't you.
This isn't guilt. I want us to spend time.
Okay. Good. I love spending time.
But I'm cramping your teenage style.
No--
Yes, I am. (alarmed) I'm the embarrassing mom who tries too hard. When did this happen?
No, you're not. It's not that. It's just... what if instead of you hanging out with me, maybe I could hang out with you. Why don't I come patrolling with you tonight?
Oh. And then maybe we can invite over some strangers and ask them to feed you candy.
Well, you guys went out patrolling every night when you were my age.
True... but technically you're one-and-a-half. (off her look) See I thought a little levity might... but okay, also no.
I just... I just think I could help.
I'm sure you could but it's a little more dangerous than I had in mind.
But--
Dawn., I work very hard to keep you away from that stuff, okay? I don't want you around dangerous things that can kill you.
Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax audits. But see, my sister is you and dangerous things that want to kill me seem to find me.
But you don't need to go looking for them. Now eat up. You're going to be late for school.
Tara and Willow sit at a table with large cups of coffee in front of them deep in conversation.
Okay, wait, it was under her wig?
Well, it was this thing, it just came out from inside her head.
That's disgusting! What did it look like?
Well, let's put it this way. If I wasn't gay before...
God, and this was after the invisible ray?
Yep.
Okay, I'm gone for a couple of months--
Oh, did I tell you about the demon eggs?
See now I know you're just trying to make me jealous.
So what, no rollicking adventures in the dorms?
It's not the same. It's not like living with a house full of family or sharing a room with someone you...
...are friends with?
They gaze into each other's eyes as Anya approaches.
Hi.
Oh, my god. You're back.
She stands up and hugs Anya.
We've been so worried.
Yeah, sorry. I just needed to, you know... I couldn't stay here. Not after... everything that happened.
No, no, we totally understand.
But you're back now, right?
It's complicated, you know, and there's a lot to deal with.
Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us--
Actually, there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.
Anya and Dawn sit at the counter in the shop, talking.
He feels awful.
You think it's anywhere close to what I feel?
No, but--
What if it were you, Dawn? What if all you dreamed about was that magickal day? The day when the one person you loved with all your soul would promise to cherish and protect your heart for the rest of his life but instead he shatters it into a million jagged pieces?
Well, it's not really so much about hating the men...
We're more centered around the... girl-on-girl action.
And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.
Anya and Buffy talk on the front porch.
I don't think he could feel any worse.
Let's test that theory.
Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong and if it had happened to me, I'd--
Wish his penis would explode?
I never use that word anymore.
Coagulate?
W-i-s-h.
Oh, wish! As in "I wish Xander..."
Right! That word. There's vengeance demons out there that are still active, remember? Any "I wish" could totally end in horrible grossness.
Gimme a for-instance?
I don't really think I should.
Did I mention the whole left-at-the-altar thing? Didn't leave that out, did I?
No. Look, I know what he did was wrong. God, if it happened to me, I... it must have been torture.
Okay! Let's talk about torture!
Dawn looks dubiously at Anya.
So. Tell me more about wishing Xander's guts-brains and brains- guts would go blooey.
I didn't say that.
Yes, you did.
No, I didn't.
I heard you.
I swear, I didn't say that.
Didn't say what?
I just saw you were back and wanted to talk to you about working off my debt. You know, my whole sticky-fingers, grabby-hands thing?
Oh, right! The mad thieving. Good, yes, there's much to do. (stern) I'm going to put you to work, missy! (beat) So back to Xander's brains and guts...
Squish, squish, squish! Guys have been running roughshod over you for years.
Buffy nods, pouts and reluctantly agrees.
Torturing that perky little ticker. Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that--
Whoa! Guys? There have only been four-- three! Three! Three guys. That's barely plural.
And didn't each of them rip your heart out? Don't men like that, as to pick an example, Xander, deserve to be punished?
Well, Xander is a guy so... it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch... girls. Why are we talking about this?
We're comforting me!
Well, I guess it's... natural for guys to be interested in--
God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!
Anya jumps up, grabs her coffee and storms off.
Anya stands up and starts to storm off.
Anya, I know you're hurting but--
What? Xander doesn't deserve to suffer for what he did 'cause he's your friend and I'm not, right? I get it.
No. That's not what I'm saying at all. What he did was wrong. He knows that.
It just... it hurts. He hurt me so much.
He really did. Look, I wish that--
Anya?
Xander approaches up the front walk.
Well, congratulations. They all still love you. Even after what you did to me.
She walks off and Xander starts to follow but Buffy stops him.
Anya, wait...
Okay. Not crazy about that idea.
What are you doing? I have to go after her.
Or, in the land of the sane, you could give her some space, let her cool down.
That's not Proactive Guy. (paces) That's Sit Around and Watch the Rest of Your Life Turn to Crap Guy.
True, but at least Crap Guy gets to keep all of his appendages.
And I'm supposed to what? Walk away? That shouldn't be too hard. It's what I'm good at, right?
Xander kicks out in frustration, smashing a garden gnome.
Okay, see that's exactly why a heart-to-heart is probably not your best course of action right now. When you're both angry and upset and... what the hell is that creepy little thing doing in my yard?
Buffy bends down and inspects the bits of gnome.
Did Willow put that there when I was dead? 'Cause if I had known, I would have crawled out of the grave sooner to--
Buffy.
He points to a tiny camera inside the gnome's head.
Oh, my god.
Looks like someone's been keeping an eye on all your ins and outs.
What the who?
Well, now. Let's see. Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang out in her yard and keep an eye on her? Who's in love with you and not getting any?
Spike inspects the camera, then looks up at Buffy.
What's this?
It's a camera.
Yeah, I got that part. Why am I holding it?
Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. Xander thinks it's you.
Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp! It must be true!
Spike...
That ponce has always had it for me. Every chance he gets, he sticks it-- (beat) You believe him, don't you? You think I was spying on you. You think I could do that?
Because you don't lie or cheat or steal or manipulate...
Spike gives her back the camera.
I don't hurt you.
I know.
No, you don't. I've tried to make it clear to you but you won't see it. Something happened to me. The way I feel... about you... it's different. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't, it's real.
I think it is. For you.
Buffy turns to go, then pauses by the door.
I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I really am. But Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over--
Get out.
She waits for a moment, then leaves.
Anya stands behind the counter talking to Halfrek.
No! They're all, "Oh, poor Xander! It took so much out of him, all that running away he did." I just don't understand what's wrong with these people.
Did you really think they were the ones who would help you?
Well, but--
Do you want retribution, Anyanka?
I want Xander good and cursed.
Then you know what you have to do.
Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him.
Exactly.
Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt?
The bell over the shop door jingles as Spike enters. He slams the door shut and strides toward Anya.
Hey. I need a thing.
Resume. Halfrek and Anya stare at Spike.
So. What's your pleasure?
Fresh of out of pleasure. That's why I'm here. I need something. Numbing spell, maybe.
Uh huh. Hang on.
Halfrek smiles and gets up as Anya walks to the end of the counter. Halfrek with her so they can talk privately.
Oh, my God. Spike hates Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish... dammit, if only he were a woman. (thinks) Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him-- well, he'd be a her by then-- then I could go to her and get her to--
Anyanka, there's an easier way. Now I know you have this whole female-power, take back the night thing... I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades, men need a little vengeance now and then, too.
Oh.
Maybe this is a good chance to try it out.
Halfrek gives a cheerful little wave at Spike and heads for the door.
Good luck with that. Ta-ta!
She leaves and Anya smiles nervously at Spike.
Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out.
That's okay. I'm ready to do some business.
Right, then. Got something that'll dull the ache a bit?
Actually, yes. Giles left a couple of supplies here and I think... this might help.
She rummages around in the cabinet beneath the cash register.
Eases the hurt... makes the sun shine a little brighter, even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah. Here.
She produces a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey and sets it on the counter. Spike grins.
The dining room table is strewn with various colored wires and pieces of electronics. The camera from the garden gnome is there with several wires attached. Willow attaches it to her laptop computer.
How's it coming? Can you see who's getting the camera's signal?
Should have something once I get tapped into the fiber-optic network. We're going to use the feedback relay to get their signal routed into our system.
Okay, if it's not Spike-- and I'm not saying I believe him-- but if it's not Spike, I think we already know who's behind this.
Makes sense.
I want... to find... these guys.
Jonathan's chemistry set bubbles and percolates. He lights a candle on the table next to the test tubes while Warren and Andrew stand watching.
An old map of Sunnydale is spread out on the floor a few feet away. Jonathan holds a short wooden rod with the magick disk attached to the end over the candle and sprinkles a powder over it. The disk glows red-hot and gives off a purple smoke.
Uncover.
A beam of purple light shoots from the candle, through the disk and onto the map, highlighting one specific area of town.
There. That's it. That's where we have to go.
Well, now that we've found out where we're supposed to go--
The map suddenly bursts into flame, scaring them all. Jonathan yelps and runs out.
Spike sits at the counter with Anya. They are both downing shots of whiskey.
So then this girl says, "Real for you."
Right. But getting back to Xander...
Xander. Let's not waste any more breath on that wanker.
But he made a fool of me. And nobody seems to care enough to do anything!
I care. What he done to you? I've never stooped that low and I'm an "evil, soulless thing". According to some people.
But shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he had to pay in some horrible way?
Absolutely. Take him on myself if it wasn't for my little handicap.
Right. So... hypothetically, what do you wish you could do to him?
You name it, pet. You're the wronged party. Something... gruesome, how 'bout?
Andrew and Warren stomp out the fire as Jonathan runs in with a fire extinguisher. Warren grabs a blanket off the sofa and tosses it on the fire.
Hey! That's my blanket!
Well, makes sense. It was your fire.
Above Warren's head a red lightbulb suddenly illuminates.
Willow looks up from her laptop.
Hey, hey! I think I've got something.
Spike and Anya sit together at the reading table. Anya cardigan sweater is off, leaving just a tank top over her skirt.
Thing about it is, none of this was my idea. I didn't ask to be human.
Right! And I didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head.
To tell you the truth, all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years.
Me, too. The using part. I just wanted to know what I was missing, move on.
Yeah... and he was all bumpy in the right places. And nice to me.
She was so raw. I've never felt anything like it.
Next thing you know, I'm changing to please him. I care if he cares!
Right.
And I'm off my guard. Happy! I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance!
Exactly. (beat) I... have no dance.
Willow types quickly.
Talk to me, Will.
Technology's pretty sophisticated. Lots of booby traps and firewall stuff.
But can you get us a location?
Well, hey, I'm still me. Just one-- whoa!
What?
There are other cameras.
Anya sits on the reading table, more inebriated than before.
Screw 'em!
To the rafters!
They clink their glasses together and drink.
I did everything for that man. Was it ever enough?
Never! I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you.
Me, either! I hate us! Everybody's so nice. Nobody ever says what's on their mind.
You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.
Really?
Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her but she was straight about it. That's a virtue.
Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude.
That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed.
You think?
Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead hundreds of years ago... and we're the only ones who are really alive.
Anya smiles at him and he smiles back.
The exterior of the Doublemeat Palace appears on the screen of Willow's computer.
Oh, my god! The Doublemeat Palace? The Bronze? My classrooms on campus... Xander's site...
What?
They've been spying on all these places?
I can tell there are more feeds. I'm just having a harder time pinpointing 'em. Here, let me...
She types furiously, working the keyboard.
Anya sits closer to Spike than before. The bottle is nearly empty. Spike picks it up with a sigh, pours the last of it into one shot glass. He holds it out for her.
Here. Ladies last.
Thank you.
Take it quick or my chivalry will run out.
She puts her hand on Spike's.
No... thank you.
Spike puts the glass down and moves a little closer to her.
This is the first time since... It feels good to be with someone who understands.
Intimately.
This whole time I've been coming on all... hell bent and mad. Wanting his head, you know?
Yeah.
When really I... can't sleep at night, thinking it... has to be my fault somehow.
Shh...
What if it was just pretending? What if he never really wanted me the way I wanted him? Oh, god. I'm sorry.
Now, now.
Spike gently brushes the hair out of her face, then cups her cheek in his hand.
He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you.
Then why?
The two of them... they're weak, is all. (beat) But I'll tell you what, though. They're going to miss the water now that the well's gone dry.
Anya leans her face into his hand.
Too hot to handle.
Too hot...
He leans forward and rests his forehead against hers.
Just one more question.
Hmm?
Can I see your sexy dance?
I'll show you mine...
He smiles and leans in to kiss her.
Wait. Wait. What are we doing?
Moving on.
They kiss passionately.
Here! I think there are a couple more transmitters on the network. I just... I've almost got a picture on 'em.
Anya pulls back from the kiss.
You know I'm only doing this 'cause I'm... I'm lonely and drunk and you... smell really good.
See? Forthright.
She grins and nods and resumes the kissing.
The red light flashes, accompanied by a loud alarm.
It tapped into our feed! Something's wrong!
The trio runs toward the bank of computers along the wall.
The kissing continues as Anya climbs onto Spike's lap, straddling him. He pushes his hands up underneath her blouse, revealing a lace-black bra.
Spike sweeps the table clear, then lifts Anya onto the table. She lies back, panting, as he moves on top of her, between her legs.
I think I've got the Magic Box. (beat) Whoa!
She stands up quickly, staring at the screen in shock.
Andrew and Jonathan type frantically.
Shut it down, shut it all down!
I'm trying! I can't find--
Jonathan reaches across Andrew's keyboard.
Here, dorkface.
I'll get it myself!
Guys, we have to... oh, holy crap.
They all freeze, staring at one monitor. It shows a full-color view of Spike and Anya having sex on the reading table in the Magic Box.
Oh, my god.
What is that? Porn?
Oh, my god.
Is that the cam in the Magic Box?
Oh, my god.
What are they... oh.
Is that...?
Spike.
Andrew stares at Spike dreamily.
He is so cool. (off their looks) And, I mean, the girl is hot, too.
Warren shakes his head at Andrew in disgust.
Dude...
CU: a display case near the reading table. A human skull is sits on the shelf, the camera in its eye clearly visible.
Buffy and Xander, alarmed by Willow's expression, get up and gather around the computer screen.
Xander, don't look! Wait, Xander, no...
Oh, god.
Buffy stares at the screen, stunned but trying not to show it.
The front door opens behind them and Dawn enters. She sees the others in the dining room and heads over to them.
Hey, guys. What's up?
She looks at the screen and gasps. Willow quickly puts her hand over Dawn's eyes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I... what is she...
Willow looks at Xander with concern, then at Buffy.
Buffy?
That's enough.
Buffy storms out and Xander walks off in a daze. Willow quickly starts typing again.
Here, let me just... you know, we aren't even really sure what we're just seeing here. There could be something--
Dawn rolls her eyes and follows Buffy.
There. Got it.
Willow looks up and realizes she's alone.
Xander?
She goes to the foyer and finds the front door standing open, then looks into the living room where the weapons chest is open and ransacked.
Xander strides down the street, determined and grim, carrying a short-handled axe.
Buffy sits in a lawn chair, staring blankly out at the night. Dawn stands nearby, her arms folded across her chest.
So, this is it? This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike?
And a lot of monsters.
Uh-huh.
But it's over. Spike.
I wish you'd told me.
I kinda didn't want to admit it to myself.
I get that. (beat) I know it must hurt. To feel like you have to hide, to keep secrets from everybody.
Willow runs out the back door of the house.
Buffy, Xander's gone. And he took your axe.
Books and candles are scattered across the floor. The bench lies on its side.
Anya, wearing her blouse again, picks up her sweater. Spike fastens his belt and looks over at her. She seems ashamed and embarrassed. Spike heads for the door but pauses and nods to her. She nods back and he leaves.
Spike exits and immediately ducks as a short-handled axe plunges into the wall where his head was. Xander struggles to pull the axe free, then gives up and grabs Spike by his shirt and throws him to the ground.
Buffy turns the corner and runs toward them.
Xander picks Spike up and throws him against the wall again, then punches him in the gut.
Get up. Get up!
Spike glares up at him but doesn't move.
You're just gonna sit there? Do nothing?
Xander grabs him, pulls him to his feet and slams his head against a pillar.
That the kind of man you are?
I'm not going to fight you. Chip.
Xander knees him in the gut and Spike doubles over again.
Too bad.
Xander takes a stake from his pocket just as Anya opens the door of the shop.
Xander, no! Stop it! Stop it!
Anya reaches him just as Buffy does. She runs up behind and shoves him aside. Xander pants and glares at Buffy.
Xander, I...
Don't even try to deny it. 'Cause I saw it all. The whole beautiful show.
How? (beat) It was just... it was just a thing. I... I felt bad and he was just... there.
Didn't take long, did it?
Spike shoots her a withering look.
Oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mount Everest. Like I used to be.
And then you weren't. You left me, Xander. At the altar. I don't owe you anything.
So you go out and bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive?
Where do you get off judging me?
When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you and you hit me back? Very mature.
No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy!
I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to feel something? Congratulations, it worked. I look at you and I feel sick... because you had sex with that.
It's good enough for Buffy.
Shut up and leave her out of...
Xander stops and both he and Anya look over at Buffy.
Buffy?
Xander...
Xander shakes his head in denial and drops the stake.
I don't want to know this. I don't want to know any of this.
He walks off into the night. Buffy glares at Spike, then turns to follow him.
Bloody Xander, mucking up everything. You know, I wish--
Don't.
Spike looks at her, surprised. Anya grimaces in self-disgust and they both head off in opposite directions.
Anya walks into the store and stares down at the mess on the floor. She picks up the bench and rights it and glumly starts to clean up the store.
Willow lies on the bed, doing homework. She looks up, surprised, as Tara appears in the doorway.
Tara?
Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard. You can't ever... put them back the way they were.
Are you okay?
I'm sorry, it's just... you know, it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect--
I know.
There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides. You have to learn if... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long and important process and... can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?
A look of pure delight passes over Willow's face. She jumps off the bed and into Tara's arms and kisses her passionately.